I sometimes wonder why. Why do I have MS? Why do I have an artificial hip and arthritis in my other? Why am I an alcoholic (27 years sober)? Why am I glaucoma suspect? Why do I struggle with my weight?
I'm not sure knowing why would change anything. All of the above adds up to who I am now. So I soldier on :-)
PS I have 2 animals that love me unconditionally. I have 4 total, but my birds could care less, as long as I feed them!
I don't blame you at all for asking Why Me. You have so much to contend with.
Very likely I'd do the same if I were younger and had cancer too.
As it is, I don't. On many fronts I've had a rough life. Won't go into this, but suffice it to say I have suffered a lot. Yet I've also been very privileged in many other ways. I've had a great education, have traveled an enormous amount, and have had lots of other advantages beyond the wildest dreams of the vast majority of others, including most Americans.
Unlike a lot of people, I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. I think there is a huge amount of randomness in life, and randomness has often fallen in my favor. I try to concentrate on that,
"Why me" is my mother's mantra when she's deeply into the black hole of depression, she would say it over and over in distress when i was young and i would talk about everything that was good about her and her life, to this day, when ever something 'bad' happen's, i always focus on keeping everyone calm and talking about the good.......
"Why me" has understandably because of my mum battle with MH, translated to feelings of being helpless and overwhelmed, but I personally i don't know how to stop looking for the good and because of my life experiences, additionally looking for a way to make the 'bad' not so. No one is immune to disease or tragic events............all we can really do is, try and hopefully make the most out of the life you have, no matter the hand you've been delt.
I probably have done the "why me" thing too but that has passed, I found it didn't do me any good but between my pessimistic husband and MS and Cardio problems and juggling budgets on SS, and the dog, I'm kept busy.
I would love to have a 2nd dog but Alex has advised against it and DH would absolutely stop speaking to me. He isn't thrilled about the one dog that I do have and won't do anything for her if I am home, I have to, and claims she just sulks when I leave her home. She still has too much puppy in her for long dr visits like I had today.
I tend to use "denial" and "depression" rather than "why me" and poor God gets an earful every night when I fall asleep during prayers, good thing he probably knows what I am thinking anyway!
Interesting topic, Alex, but a good one! Life seems to give Alex a good thing every time it throws her a bad thing but she's our most courageous member that I know of!
So far, I have never asked why me. As distraught as I was through the diagnostic process, I remember thinking how lucky I was for all the support I had, personally, at work, and in my health care. I remember feeling grateful for the health care system where I live, not having to battle insurers for tests, not having to fill out endless forms or worry about going into debt. Everything went so smoothly and quickly and I was treated very kindly by doctors and nurses. My friends were really there for me, my bosses couldn't have been more patient and discreet, and my husband was a rock. I did wonder how did I get so lucky so in a way I guess I did ask why me. I was pretty petrified, but did not feel sorry for myself.
I've heard anecdotes on this topic that really struck a cord with me:
First, from David Osmond (Donny & Marie's nephew) who I met at a MS forum for the Centre a Without Walls/Nancy Davis Foundation. He said when he was dx'ed, his father (who also has MS) told him, you cannot ask why me when bad stuff happens to you, unless you likewise ask why me for all the good that happens to you too.
Second, from Meredith Vieira, talking about her husband Richard Cohen's MS, the question isn't why me, but why not me? Why anybody? What makes us any more special than anybody else?
Like Ess I don't subscribe to everything-happens-for-a-reason / god doesn't give you more than you can handle / magical thinking. Sometimes, $hit just happens. And sadly some like you Alex, have so much more to deal with than most will ever have to face.
JJ: I think we have the same mother.
Alex you have sparked a thought provoking topic. I have asked why me a couple of times. I know that I am no better or worse a person than the next but I have asked. I have also longed for my old life that I probably took for granted.
I miss being able to do all the things I used to. Just being able to do something silly like walking the dog would be amazing yet when I could there were so many times I did not, I let them out in the yard.
I am thankful for what I have and the help that I do get but I miss out on a lot because of this disease and sometimes it does make me sad. Being alone all the time doesn't help but my four furry babies do. They love me no matter how slow I am or how long it takes me to do something. and I know that they will never walk away because of this disease.
Alex you truly are an inspiration. Your posts help make a bad day so much better....Thank you...
I have not wondered why me but I think it is just because if something odd can happen to me, it usually happens.
As was mentioned I tend to use denial and withdraw more when those feelings would typically surface.
I do think it is completely normal to question why me though. Probably pretty healthy too if I think about it.
I'm with Corrie on this one. I think we all will have "why me" moments as such & I think this is a completely healthy question. I also thinks is rather unhealthy to dwell on moments like this for too long.
I personally have many other people in life that ask me the question why I have had such a rough life medically & with other issues growing up but I tend to think why not me. I also always know that there are always other people so much worse than myself out there than me...always.
I have people ask how I cope with pain in so many joints from my RA when they can't manage with one joint & I tell people it doesn't make any difference how many joints are affected rather the severity of the pain to that person.
I have found that having been sick all my life with often not working or having any money that I have learnt to appreciate certain simpler things about life. I love my pets, my family, a nice cup of tea & enjoying a good book. I recently lost my little dog which just about broke my heart beyond repair but it also makes me realise how prescious life is & to enjoy it when you can.
I see my mum who has a rare form of early onset dementia & my dad struggling to care for her. This was supposed to be their early retirement with holidays & fun to have but instead their world has been turned upside down. Seeing all this has made me just want to do what I can now & not sit wondering about the "what if's or why me's" & that ours lives can change in the blink of an eye.
It's a great question Alex & I think from my perspective I feel it's very healthy to ask "why me" with all you've had to deal with in life but also to see what wonderful things you have in life as well like your beautiful dogs. Those people in the world who don't get this are the ones who aren't really living life. I've heard you say how you appreciate the simpler things in life with taking the time to take in what's around you. This is a great achievement in itself so you a very blessed & a very special woman indeed.
Be kind to yourself & hugs,
My puppy pulled down on concrete Sunday. They think I broken my knee it is to swollen for a MRI.
Alex - I think we need to change your name to Job :-)
hope you are feeling a bit better now Alex………or have more answers.
Alex how's your knee now?!
Hoping you are doing better. You have so many of us on this forum that care. You are truely a jewel.
I am please to see u r here and sharing your special mix of cancer and ms, and your ability to grab rescue ropes tossed your was.
I admire you , how you still are trying new suggestions and here I am with my negative self with little courage to seek help . Several run ins with bad docs knocks wind out do mt sales.
Your words and info and encouragement relay a sense u have about
your travel down the road. I so admire your action.
Best to u, Alex
I really hope you are okay Alex after your fall.
Thinking of you & hugs,
Oh no Alex! Was she trying to chase after something? Please take in easy and rest that knee.
I took Baxter out for a walk last week and it was quite windy. He was chasing every flying leaf that went by. I don't know how I didn't fall.
The neighbors sure got a show! I can barely walk him let alone ran after him chasing leaves. What a site.
Sorry my friend. You are one tough lady.
Keep us posted.
I just read your question and the responses and was going to add mine, but then I saw your noyte about your knee. Jeez!! I want you to catch a break. hugs, L
We hopefully find out if I can have MRI and see if the knee needs surgery. You can't have chemo and surgery. So may be I take a break from chemo which will probably it for chemo. Now I have to train this dog while I am messed up. My husband would not let me give her back. I love her but I am supposed to train her. The pain has been worse than anything so far.
So glad to see you back on here! I am sorry to hear the pain is worse. Please be very careful in the training of the dog. Once a person has an injury its harder to keep from having another. You definitely dont need anything else to happen.
Keep us posted on the knee and if you will have surgery on it. I am cheering for you! You are an amazing person.
Alex, I so understand what you are saying. I to do that, and have my own little pitty party. But, girlfriend, you have been so positive with everything you have going on, you inspire people, you comfort people, you love and respect people, and you did not LUCK out on your hubby, he LOVES you, and he is doing what he is supposed to do. That is not a trait that alot of husband's/wives have to their other.
I'm so glad that you have him, and that he is a support for you. I too, lucked out (lol) on my hubby .....
I hope you know how strong you are, and the example you have been to so many over the years. You are allowed to have a "why me" time, my god, you deserve it. But, know that we will be praying that it does not drag you down, and we love you and will try and do right by you in what you need.
Thanks for being there for me over the last 6 years of my hellish story,
I love ya for it.
Just saw about the knee..... hoping they can fix it up soon for you .... love and prayers coming your way....
Be kind to yourself,