Life is Very Complex

[Quixotic1]

Well, I set here this morning tired before my day even begins.  Life remains dicey and filled with adventures I rather leave for Jeff Corwin.  The urinary and, now, bowel incontinence is a major drag - really a drag.  It would certainly be easier if I could move smoothly and swiftly to the bathroom, but that is definitely not to be.  We are treating my loss of potty-training with Oxybutinin.  This helps.  I still lose a great part of every bladder-full, but don't completely empty most of the time.  This means fewer moppings of the floor and fewer clothes changes.

I still think therre is a correlation between mice and being incontinent.  What isn't clear is whether the mice die in the epic floods or whether the cats have a role in their demise.  The cats are definitely involved, though.  Take last night, for example.  I spend the evenings in my recliner knitting and watching TV (furthering my brain rot).  When it is time to sleep I lay my knitting beside my chair, pull of the blanket and go to sleep, wioth two or three cats tucked in here and there for warmth and company.

Last night I had the pre-dawn awakening and stood up to Frankenstein it to the bathroom.  Walking to the bathroom without leaking through my extra long, extra thick pad is an art.  One must waddle, the stiff legs are a given in the cold night air, and there can be no bending down nor twisting of the torso.  Now, I don't know about you, but the toes on my right foot must be like Edward Scissorhands.  Long, spaced wide apart and able to catch and retain EVERYTHING.  I got up and the blanket found it's way between my toes.  I can't lift my foot - even backwards - because it is stiff at the knee.  I can't walk with the blanket and I don't want to trip.  I mash the blanket down with my left foot and extricate my right foot.  Okay, now I can get to the door.

Oh, but wait!  Some is amiss.  What is dragging my foot and tickling between my toes?  The perceptive among you have remembered my knitting.  Yes, like a python the yarn is wound in and out of my toes.  Yarn is light.  I shake my foot which resembles Frankenstein shaking his booty.  The yarn stays.  I am quickly losing time to make it to the bathroom.  Ah, he ll!  Back to the course I turn, taking smaller steps and trying to dislodge the yarn from my toes with ech step.  Nope the stuff is glued.  On to the bathroom.  Two steps, now something is impeding my progress.  I turn - uh-oh, forbidden move - and the leaking begins.  Drat!  the yarn is coming with me, as is my knitting project, unraveling as it follows.  Sh*t!  I can't pee on the knitting.  My movements become more frantic.  It's already determined that I will be mopping tonight.  What the heck.  I bend over to remove the yarn.  I can get one loop free, but not the other as I dance to avoid dragging the yarn through the growing puddle.

So, holding onto the doorway I swing my leg, the yarn, and the project clear of the danger.  This catches the eyes of two formerly somnolent cats.  Turning back to my destination I start to hurry.  Yep!  With each stiff-legged jerk there is a matching cat pounce.  So for the next 15 feet it is step, drag, pounce.  It really is funny now.  I have no hope of escaping the huge mess and so off we go the project unraveling as I stagger.  Maybe I can get that sweater done for Mother by Christmas instead of November for her birthday.

Finally, I reach the loo, and take care of my business.  But, now, my mind is occupied watching the cats enjoy the yarn dragging (and who taught them to follow a piece of dragging yarn??)  I have been smart enough to keep all my suuplies and extra underwear in a chest right beside the toilet.  But, now I can't finish emptying my bladder.  So it's 10 minutes of relaxing, mourning a couple hours of knitting lost, and looking into the eyes of now,  four cats.  They're hungry.  Their tails are circling in the air like sharks before a possible feast.  And I usually have a dawn trip to the bathroom anyway and I feed them then.  I'm 45 minutes early.  I might as well take care of that, as  well as take my dawn Provigil.

So, I clean up.  But, while putting on my clean panties the elastic gets caught between my toes.  As I bend forward to pull it out, my leg shoots out straight and my panties act like a sling shot and flip across the room hitting poor Clyde right between the eyes.  She runs out of the room ready to play.  I grab another pair and start to put them on.  Edward Scissortoes strikes again.  This time I use my left foot to wrestle the wild beast down and use my hands to lift up my right foot and pull the elastic out of my toes.  I swear the panties have a life of their own!  Fine, but now the other opening is caught around my left great toe.  At this point I begin swearing.  The cats back up.  Finally, I accomplish my mission.

I mop the floor, take my pills and feed the cats.  Now I am wide awake.

Does this count as MS insomnia?

Does anyone else have toes that grab anything and everything that comes within a yard or two of them?  How do they hold on so tightly to things?

Sheesh!

Quix

[kwarendorf]

We like your Oldies :-) Feel free to retrieve at will!

Kyle

[maxthecat43]

Yes, "pet underfoot disease"  one of my cats gets stepped on or tripped over all the time.  As for the grabby toes, yes to that too-especially when my legs and feet are about as stiff as logs.  Underwear  gets stuck on them, but I have yet to experience panties slinging themselves across the room!  It's probably coming though, because I have experienced other limbs flinging things across the room.  

Thank you for giving frustrating problem a touch of humor!  Love it!
Tammy

[Quixotic1]

I'm bumping this up to further consider pet "Underfoot Disease".  I'm sure a lot of people can relate.  I promise, no more dragging my oldies back for a while.

Quizzles, still trying to tease out what is MS Insomnia

[Rena705]

OMG Girl!  I have to agree with whoever said. "you should write a book!  You could record it on a hand recorder and have someong else do the typing for you!

I am sorry to hear you are have such trials and tribulations girl...you of all people does not deserve this hardship!

I am fasting for 48 hours and I think I am having it rough but now I don't feel so bad now...I guess that is one way to look at it...he he...at least you can eat!  heh he

Seriously though girl, I have to agree with jenbe...maybe you could try sleeping with light socks on to avoid the toe tangle...might be worth a try!


Lots of Hugs,
Rena

[anon07072023]

That video that you posted is AWESOME! The first time I saw it was about a month ago.  And of course I had to pass it on to my family and friends.
The dog knows every step in the dance.  It made me smile again watching it this time.

Thanks  :-)
Kelly

[Heather3418]

My friend, you continue to make me laugh.  I am sure that it was not funny for you, as you tried in vain to get ALL of that pee IN the toilet.  But oh my goodness, to read of your adventures to the bathroom, made me laugh so hard, I was sure I was going to pee my pants.

I have cured the "panty problems" at my house.  I now wear lounge wear every day, (except when I have to go out of the house) withOUT panties.  It really helps to have those extra seconds (not having to fool with panties) to just sit down on the "toity" and tinkle away.  As Lulu says though, I often stand up and the piddle is continuing to run down my leg.  I often say words that should not be overheard by small children.

I love you Momma Bear.  Thank's for the laugh.  Start that book, will ya?  

Heather

[sllowe]

I think there is enough research and evidence here to invent a new panty....

Ones that snap on!

Ones w/no potential to tangle in toes!

Could be sold as a kit that comes w/bonus mice traps and mop heads!

Brrrrrrrrrrrr Mama gonna be cold come Christmas! Best get'ta knitting for November!

-shell

[Deb61]

I can definitely relate to the Edward Scissortoes.  I have this problem every morning.  I've gotten knots on my head several times because of tripping as a result of getting my toes caught in my underwear!

Thanks for the funny story!  I can relate!

Deb

[Guitar_grrrl]

OMG!  Between this and your raccoon story...the visuals are just so vivid!

Thanks for the laugh.  I'm heartened by the fact you can keep your sense of humor in one of the sh!ttier aspects (pun intended) of this stupid disease.

Do you have Hanes on speed dial?

[jenbe]

OMgoodness. Too funny. Thanks for the laughter. I would buy the book too. And have you thought of going to sleep in socks????  ;)

[jensequitur]

I've always liked black humor!  You've gotta laugh...  because otherwise you'll cry!

Most recently I've been unable to lift my right leg up off the floor, so putting jeans on has been a real chore.  I have to put my foot on the floor, then insert it into the leg using my hands.  The toes want to get caught in the folds, and then they bend back when I try to push the foot through.  So I have to hold the leg up, while simultaneously pulling my pants up.

[michelleric]

Thank goodness for humor.  I think you need to do stand up (or perhaps sit down) comedy. Really I think you need to make a video on the needing humor for day to day life with MS. or a book. I would buy it, or watch it.

Think about it...you are inspirational and always give me a life when I need it.
Thanks, love and hugs to you,
Michelle

[Fluffysmom]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  Laughing out loud, smiling all day!

Good thing one of those cats (or raccoons) can't videotape the action and post THAT on youtube, hee hee.

Loved the comments your tale received, and would love to read a book you write!

Kathy

[supermum_ms]

OMG Quix, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was laughing so hard ds (12) had to check out what was so funny, i didn't even notice him until he was literally on the floor cracking up, the image he had of your knickers flying across the room, with a direct hit, was just too much and down he went. lol lucky it was a clean (errr you know what i mean) comical story.

Like Lulu and Mary I too was wondering what the raccoons where up to whilst you were playing footsies with the knitting and entertaining the cats!

I can't say i have your toes, mine are slightly unique, my little toes are the second ones from the end. So I've had probs getting things stuck but no I havent had the pleasure (lol) of yarn or intergalactic undies.

You've made my day, oooooooh tooo funnnnnnnnnnnny!

Cheers..........JJ

PS if you havent taken the hint yet START WRITING THAT BOOK! You could call it 'who said theres no fun in MS' just imagine the newly dx, laughing their heads off instead of being overwhelmed, it'll sell!

[Quixotic1]

Yes

Yes

Database incomplete

???

[twopack]

Now, please forgive my forward questions but......

Don't I remember a picture taken once-upon-a-time-in-your-house (and displayed proudly on your profile page) proving that life there used to be pretty boring because every pee-er was required to make it to the toilet?

and

Is there any chance that at least one of the cats (Trax) is attempting to follow in your footsteps and drown the mice?

and

Did all the panties get retreived after the raccoon raid?

and

Is it possible to go commando and still wear protective gear?

Just asking!
Mary

[doublevision1]

You need to write a book, my friend.

[Sumanadevii]

Quix,

Thank you again for sharing your wonderful sense of humor.  It truly amazes me how you can turn such an awful time for you into a funny story for us to enjoy.  As I read it, I felt like I was actually right there watching the scene.  You have a new calling....WRITING!  

Sumana

[MisterTimC]

DocQ:
You are simply amazing. You just keep 'em coming.

Thanks again,
TimC

[Quixotic1]

Suzsibs - here is something to lift your spirits

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc9xq-TVyHI

If it gets bleeped I'll send it to anyone who who like to see a beautiful golden retriever doing the merengue with her owner.

Quix

[suzsibs]

Oh you are marvellous, I told you, you should write a book.

Its 3.50am and I haven't been able to get any sleep tonight so I was feeling really down and fed up, I put the computer on for something to do and instead of sitting here with tears of sorrow I'm now sitting with tears of laughter.

It sounds like the cats had a great time and an early breakfast too.

Thanks for being who you are, this place wouldn't be the same without your escapades ;o)

Suz

[Lulu54]

Question, please.  Where do the raccoons come into this picture?  They have to at least be sitting back, watching this all, and laughing their little behinds off  at this  latest underpants adventure.  

-  L

[michelleislay]

what a story!!!  agree with audrey, you and supermumms have had me howling this week.

as everyone else, i also love how you manage to draw out the human and comedic elements of some very messy issues!!  

i intend to make note and try to follow suit in my own life...i grew up in a household that had my brother and i (who as kids were normally at eachothers throats) instantly, urgently and heroically bonding over the cleanup of a spilled cereal bowl or some other benign mess.  we'd rally to clean it up before my mum caught sight of it--she is a great mum, but these particular types of things troubled her to unnatural degrees!!

thank you.

xo michelle

[Audrey_M]

Quiz, with her inimitable style, has done it again. Told a great story that made us laugh in the face of an "unmentionable subject". Still wondering about the mouse...I bet it shows up soon or in a sequel.

I loved the part about hitting Clyde between the eyes. LOL moment for me.

You have been blessed with so many gifts in spite of being dealt with having to deal with severe symptoms from a very tough disease.

We are most fortunate that you share your gifts of humor, phenomenal story telling ability and most precious of all turning something that strikes fear in many into something that becomes human and yes even funny.

I hope that if I ever face the obstacles you deal with on a regular basis, I can summon up a way to face those challenges with acceptance, humor and sharing so that others don't feel embarrassed or alone. I know I'll never have your gift for storytelling, but I can darn well try.

You and supermum_ms set great examples for all of us.

Now I could lecture you on ways that you could limit the craziness (like putting your knitting far away before you nod off), but then we would lose the wonderful adventures of Quix!

Best to you and I hope that tonight is less eventful.

Audrey