fighting a losing battle

[gin12345678]

its getting worse and worse and today i feel like im fighting a losing battle with OCD. it all started about 2 years ago when i read an article about sexsomnia and a woman who had sex with strangers in her sleep without even knowing it! it scared me crazily that it could happen to me as i do occasionally (like once a yr) take recreational drugs and also drink abt once a week n it states that people who do so are more predisposed to it. i have woken up from a vivid sex dream in a house my husband and i were renting and been crazily afraid that i have done it with a stranger in my sleep. to make things worse, i also have a severe phobia of hiv and have been worried abt getting it from everything from scratches to rubbing my eyes to get this - someone contaminating my shampoo! i have gone for countless hiv tests all negative but somehow keep thinking abt this.  my greatest fear is catching it whilst sleepwalking and passing it to my husband. yes i know its crazy but i am going mad. it doesnt help that there is a creepy man in my apartment building who always stares at me and its worsening my fears that i have done something in my sleep im unaware of . i have been to a therapist to talk about my fears and it helped for a while but now its back.although my husband tells me i dont sleepwalk, somehow at the back of my mind there are so many what ifs like what if this isnt  OCD as its a possibility. i just dont know what to do anymore. im so sick n tired of living my life in fear. i have tried to calm myself down with prayer but now i find myself even questioning God, which is terrible and i dont know what to do anymore. r there anybody else like me?

[RainLover71]

There are many people with that particular type of OCD related issue.HIV.It's a biggy but it can be dealt with.I did it by working as a support worker and caring for HIV+ people and people who had the HCV aswell.A type of exposure therapy but it's not suited to everyone.Meds and CBT work aswell.Try what's best for you.

[FightagainstOCD]

I understand when you say your husband gets irritated or angry when you bring the sleep walking topic again. I have the same problem too. I have the biggest OCD on HIV and I fear everyday. Last Night I didn't want to have sex with my gf as I was lil uncomfortable and she was offended. We had a fight and she was mad at me. She thinks that I am not attracted to her and do not want her. But the reality is I am scared to have sex sometimes.

I do not know how to explain her, I have tried every possible way and I am scared some time since I deny sex she might find some one else. But I am not helping her situation as I am very inconsistent with it. Somedays I feel comfortable and have it and some days not. So she is very mad at me.

I hope I can talk to her and her explain what is going through my mind. I hope we will all get better someday. I am on medication and have started my CBT therapy too.

I totally understand your situation. If in case you are getting too panicked about the sleep walking, try turning on a camera when you are sleeping and then look into the video if you ever sleep walking. Try thins for few days and then stop recording. This might help to prove to yourself that you are not sleep walking.

I am not sure if I am giving you the right advice. Because it is not good to give up and surrender to OCD But my advice is for people with OCD no body can convince them unless themselves. So when you looka t your video for few days you will slowly start getting convinced that you are not sleepwalking.

Hope you start feeling better soon. GOD BLESS!

[RainLover71]

You can do it.Don't ever let OCD win because that's what it wants.Never give up.Tell the OCD where to go and rise above.You have the right procedures in place now so you are already half way there.Keep up the top work.

[gin12345678]

Thanks so much guys, i really feel much better nw . Had a long talk with my husband  n i am goin to get the ocd workbook.am eally going to work hard at beating this dreadful ocd, i know ican do it ! :)

[JGF25]

I think you need to call the therapist again and make an appointment.  This has obviously gotten out of your control and you don't seem to have the necessary cognitivite behavioral techniques to help yourself.  If your therapist doesn't teach CBT, then you need to find one that does.  CBT is very, very critical in your case because medication looks like it is not an option.  

It is very hard on significant others becuase they don't understand.  They don't want to have to reassure, reassure, and then reassure again.  It becomes exhaustive for them and for you.  The OCD Workbook:  Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has a section in it that explains what OCD is.  The book will also teach you some CBT technqiues.  I don't remember if you have this book or not.  If you do, then pick it up and start using it.  If not, then try very hard to get it.  

Have your husband read the sections that pertain to significant others.  You are spiraling downward and you really need to be proactive and get the help you need.  We can't fix you.  We can only reassure you that these thoughts are irrational.  

[RainLover71]

Your husband should be more supportive because this is obviously affecting your life in a big way.I remember when I was a child I use to have shocking night terrors/nightmares and I would try so hard to wake up or move but I was frozen with fear,it was awful.Thank goodness after a few years it passed.I hope you get better.