Help/suggestions

[Nmj122179]

I have been on certain diazapams for over 5 years, which I take responsibly and always have. I only take them before bed so I can sleep because I have insomnia very badly since I was even a child. However I did not seek prescription sleep aids until I was in my mid to late 20's and already married. My husband takes them off and on with an rx when he gets so stressed and has panic attacks. However I have such bad insomnia I can literally stay up awake for a couple days before I finally crash without being medicated and when I crash I can sleep and no one can wake me up until my body feels rested again. Therefore I've been seeing the same dr for over 5+ years and I take my rx's responsibly and as prescribed. I never run out before my next refill. I see my dr every 3 months to have check ups and to make sure I'm actually taking them as prescribed. No discrepancies there once. I also had the misfortune of falling down our stairs the second night after we moved into our new home when I got out of bed to go downstairs and get water. Unfortunately the house was new to me and I didn't think to turn on the lights and missed the first step and fell down the 17 others on my back and tailbone. My husband went to see a 2nd opinion pain mngmt dr with me after my pain mngmt dr tried the injection, which I was the one in so many 100/1000 people who have allergic reactions to them and I cannot have anymore. So that option is out for me. My torn disc is also effecting the nerves around my bladder and causing me bladder issues that my urologist has under control with medication. Not an addictive medication, but it helps immensely. I've been on my pain meds for 3 years now and I also take them as prescribed. I was in a car accident last June. The officer although I passed 4 field sobriety tests I have just found out lied on his police report when he arrested me for possible misdemeanor DUI. It's been almost a year and now the DA is deciding to pursue the case. The discovery shows as I told the officer and my attorney I had taken my night meds at 10pm the previous night and I was woken up at 4:30am out of my sleep to help a friend who was drunk and stranded at a party. So I went in my pj's figuring I'd drop her off and come right back home. But something was wrong with the tire on the passenger side and started making a clicking noise. I thought maybe a bag had flown into the tire or something and I turned my head for a second and next thing I know I had hit a sign that had already been hit and sticking out into the road already. I pulled over immediately in shock because it had penetrated my windshield and I had glass on me. I was out of my car walking around it assessing the damage when an officer turned onto the street and pulled up behind me to ask if I was ok and needed help. I found out today he lied on the report which has been missing for almost a year now and suddenly showed up in my hearing yesterday. Blood tests came back as well and only show two of the night time meds I had taken at 10pm the night before and blood results show they were already broken down and metabolized. No pain killers I'm prescribed were in my blood work because I had not taken any before I rushed out in my pj's to go give my drunk friend a ride home. By the time the accident occurred I had already taken her home safely and was only a few blocks from my home. He arrested me since I passed the breatholizer as I do not drink hardly ever. Vacations mostly. Anyways in his report he's trying to claim he was behind me following me and witnessed the accident, which he did not. I was already pulled over on the side of the road for 5+ min before he arrived. Anyways my point of telling you all of this is my husband even with the blood results still won't believe me that I was sober and able to drive. Had it been a work day I would have been up and driving to work at that time! He sees me each morning before I leave for work and I'm wide awake and fine. The attorney said the case is in my favor but my husband went off on me claiming I have a drug problem I won't admit to and I should go to rehab all of a sudden but I do not think I need rehab or help with my prescription drug use. I've been taking the same medication for years without any accidents until this one and in oct I woke up and my left hand and wrist were completely paralyzed and I've seen every specialist there is. I see my rheumatologist tomorrow to find out if I have lupus or any other auto immune disorder from the blood work he ran. My mom and both sisters all have one or more, but I have never had anything medically major happen until oct 1 2012 for any drs to suspect I might have lupus or something else either. Now I have to pay my attorney a lot of money and I have never been in trouble with more than a speeding ticket my entire life!! And the blood they took after accident clearly shows that my bed time meds were already metabolized and broken down chemically at the time of my accident. Now my husband is talking rehab and all sorts of stuff, which I know I don't need. I have always made sure that I'm responsible and that I take my night time meds early enough to get 8 hours of sleep if I can. Sometimes they just don't help and I still can't sleep. Anyways it upsets me that he can't be more supportive of all the crappy medical issues I've been going through and he just blames everything on me. Everything is my fault and I'm dellusional if I can't see it!! I even saw two therapists who said I needed better support from my husband at home and not him refusing to communicate with me about it and just blowing up and suggesting rehab randomly once in a while. He refuses to see a therapist with me. But I don't think he understands that even if I did go to rehab he'd have to be part of the counseling sessions. Which I already know he'd refuse because he doesn't believe in therapists!!  So now with all this going on and straining my marriage he asks me to schedule him a dr appt to get back on the same meds I take because he can't sleep again!! And I for one think illegal steroid use is way worse then what I'm prescribed and taking responsibly!!! But he doesn't see steroids as drug abuse at all!!! Why should I have to voluntarily go to rehab when I'm not the one with the real drug addiction problem??? If they take me off my bed time meds I know already I will not be able to sleep and my panic attacks will get worse. This entire situation has left me feeling depressed and he's become a work a holic and doesn't spend any time with me like he always used to. He's here with me at night after I take my meds and I don't act any differently. He can't even tell whether I've taken them or not!! I'm just frustrated and I love him and don't want to lose him but if he had gone to either of the therapists I've seen in the past year they'd tell him what I'm telling you now. They don't see a rx drug abuse problem with me. They just think I need more support from him to help lower my stress and anxiety levels!!! But when I try to talk to him about that he thinks its bs and I'm just trying to make him feel guilty for personal things that have occurred between us in the past two years. So I am stuck at home waiting for him to come home everynight when he used to be here everynight by 5:30 and spend every minute with me he wasn't working until he saw the allergic reaction to the pain injection. Since then he's been withdrawn from me and I'm starting to become depressed!! How do I even talk to him about this or approach the subject?? He always gets defensive and just walks out of the conversation. And acts like its my job alone to figure everything out by myself!! But from where I stand I'm doing what I can working on getting the false DUI thrown out and life to get back to normal!!! The blood test proved I wasn't driving under the influence of my pain meds

[omhome]

hi hon: just a few observations------please for a while focus on "you" and not husband....so../......hmmmmmm. I was gonna be good but nmj you need to give up the idea of being with your husband....it is making you un-well to have to deal with him.......he is not going to change and you had better get some distance before the steroid bomb goes off. No kidding hon.....you are not safe.....and you holding on to the fairy-tale idea of being together forever is not good for you.......please see a therapist and stay away from him at least for a while.
      Don't mean to be so direct but i have seen the "steroid rage" movie before.

omhome

[marycarmel]

... Steroid abuse can cause rage problems in some people.  I'm not sure how your husband doesn't know about the dangers of using steroids.

I hope your husband will go with you to your doctor and try to educate himself on your medications and realize that you're taking what is necessary and you take them responsibly.

[marycarmel]

I drive my kids to school every morning in my pajamas.  Every once in a while I think about getting in an accident in my pajamas.

Sorry to read all this.  I know it would make my anxiety worse.  It certainly sounds like you're very responsible with taking your medications.  Try to put the DUI out of your mind.  If your attorney tells you not to worry, try not to.  (I just retired from working in Superior Court so what I'm telling you is what I have experienced through my work.  And I've seen the other side of it with my ex-husband who has had several legitimate DUIs.)

Even if things didn't go your way in court, judges most often give probation and/or rehab, either inpatient or outpatient, or AA or NA meetings.  I would doubt you have to worry about that as you have a legitimate prescription and the blood work.  I'm sorry you ran into a dishonest cop.  (Though it's the district attorney that bringsncharges, not the officer.)  I've seen how unscrupulous some cops, DAs, and other members of law enforcement can be.  Sometimes it seems like it's all about the numbers!  You have enough to deal with with your husband so let your attorney worry about your case ... that's what you pay him for.

Just so I'm clear, what are you taking for sleep?  I used to take Ambien 10 mg  and I was prescribed it 13 years ago when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  Ambien has been in the news a lot lately and the new recommendation, for women only, is only 5 milligrams.  There's been cases where people experience sort of an amnesia with it.  People would take it, go to bed and then get up without knowing it and doing thingsmthey don't remember, like driving, making and eating a meal, etc.  It could be the cop was reacting to what was in the news about Ambien.

Do you take pain meds on a regular basis,and if so, what do you take and how much and how often.   I've been in pain management for many years after a failed joint replacement and 8 more surgeries, which only led to RSD and more pain.  I've been on lots of medications over the years and always asked the doctor about driving. I was always told it was okay to drive, unless I had any side effects like drowsiness.  I am always careful about driving in the first week or so if my doctor changed my meds or increased dosages.  (I've since come off a lot of meds as they don't work great on my type of pain.  There are times I go back on it, like now, when the pain is out of control.)

My ex-husband (ironic coming from an alcoholic and drug user) started telling me and others, that I was an addict. I've never misused my meds and was very careful about always following my doctor's instructions.  My sister (who is also an alcoholic) decided she should believe him and accused me of being an addictand demanded, in front of my then 80-year old dad and my four kids, that I go to rehab.

I was very hurt and offended by how they treated me.  I invited both of them to come to a pain management appointment and they could talk with the doctors and look at my records.  Neither would take me up on that.

But maybe your husband would be open to talking to your doctor with you.  It's worth a try.  But in all honesty, unless people themselves have chronic pain, it's hard for them to understand it.  I get virtually no support from my family.  I've now decided that my health and how it's treated is not open for discussion.

I would be more concerned with your husband's steroid use.  It is very, very dangerous, and can cause serious physical and mental damage.  I hope he isn't abusive with you.  Steroid use can cause users