my child talks TOO MUCH

[tripplebright]

I don't think my 6 yr old Daughter, has ADHD, but I think she just may be Hyper, She has been talking excessivly from the age of 2 till now, but now it's worse!!  In the morning, she Pops up, and starts talking about random things, for example I woke her up this morning and said "Wake up it's time for school"- she popped opened her eyes and said "Mommy did you graduate college?", It begins and ends this way everyday and though I find some things cute and humorous, It stops being cute after about 10 mins of non-stop chatter, and since I know it's going to be like this every day I just get frustrated with it quickly. Most people would just think it's cute, and when she was 2,  it was, people stopped me everywhere because of my "precocious", little girl, who was so well spoken. The thing is she sleeps heavily and well, (and talks in her sleep on occasion), she plays well, by herself for hours at times, and still talks the whole time, which leads me to beleive she may not be ADD. Everyone has always told me she's so smart but she is falling behind in school, she always needs to sit away from other children, she is distracted by, and distracts others, she is Bossy with other children, Which worries me that kids wont want to be her friend, Iv'e already overheard a child say "Oh no She's here".  But the biggest problem Now Is when we run into people, maby someone with a dog, she Talks So Furiously that you can't hear anything else, and she says things like " you wanna come over to our house"  to strangers, and it puts me in awkward situatons all the time, to where I don't want to take her anywhere, cause I don't want to have to talk to all those people, and I couldn't get a word in if I wanted to.    At Home when my husband and I try to talk, she talks over us so badly that we just lose it somtimes and scream "Shut Up"(I hate that, I don't want to get that frustated, and teach her, that it's ok to just lose it and act that way)  when we watch a movie, we usually have to stop it several times, to try, futilely to quiet her, we've learned to use the sub-titles now. she's obnoxiously social, people don't think it's cute anymore and because she's so invasive they just get annoyed with her, :(  
I am so FRUSTRATED with this situation, I LOVE my girl and I know she is sooo special, but if I can't get her to do nothing more than just, * slow down her talking*,   I may go Insane!!  

---I know to some people think this may sound harsh on my part, but keep in mind everyone deals with things differently, and put in the same situation others would most likley feel the same, Her Teachers do!
so please don't post about how Horrible I sound, I already know!!!!

[Beewoman]

Honestly I can completely understand your frustration!  I have a son of 9 who talks nonestop and with a very loud voice, questions after questions.  What helped with him were the boundries..... we had family meetings every week to discuss what we could do to live better in our home.  He off course rattled off 50 ideas before we even picked up the pencil!

These children are bright and their brains work very fast, they are very frustrated too.  We seem slow to them and they are still so very young to cope with a calming down mechanism.  They are also anxious children, always wanted to "know everything" and get involved in everything.

It is however extremely tiring for everyone around them.  She is probably very creative, perhaps artistic?  or musical?  Explore which creative avenue you can and develop it in a very therapeutic way, calming.....  

I am reluctant to start therapy for a child so young, but that's my personal choice, however what does help are various books around that exist that perhaps can help you find some solutions for the home and school.  Check with your pedicatrian and he/she may be able to direct you.

My son has ADHD, but your daughter does not necessarily have this, once again check with your doctor.  I have been giving him Valerian drops (child strength) and it has really helped and is natural.  Also, magnesium too.

Remember, you are not alone and you are not horrible in any way, these children can try the patience of a saint but they are very special!

[am05]

I completely understand!!!!!!!!!!!  I just posted one about my daughter who is 6 and 8  mos.  She is the brightest little girl...but she is having trouble sitting still in class...talking, etc...and I fear that she too may be bossy.  She has a lot of friends...a very popular (hate to use that word but I am just meaning to say that she makes and keeps friends easily)...she will do anything to avoid doing her work at school and takes several bathroom trips and has all sorts of somatic complaints to share with the teacher instead of doing her work.  I do not know what to do....except just hope that as she matures some of this will go away....it is new and I did not have any trouble with her in the past....oh it is so frustrating and I feel like our relationship is even changing some because I have to treat her differently.  I feel like I have been such a good mother to her and spent so much time with her.....and now....has it helped or hurt her?  I am so concerned...and fear that it is going to get worse.  I have been on the computer googling ADDHD....and I am so not into her taking any meds...I do not really think she has it but I am just very worried.  So I share in your same worries.

[Beewoman]

First things first, as you are concerned about your daughter you should get her tested by a good child psychologist that will do the variety of tests : physcological (who they see the world etc) and educational tests (for learning disabilities).  About 40% of children with ADHD also have learning disabilities.

The doctor will be able to tell you if she has ADHD or not, or perhaps just some attention issues which of course is not the same thing.

Good luck and keep us posted if the diagnoisis is ADHD, there are some excellent books that can help you and her understand what is happening.

[dilateyourmind]

Just wanted to tell the OP we have the same daughter. *sigh* I did a google search of talking to much and found you all. My daughter is about to turn 5. ADHD runs in my family. I never thought I would yell at my child to shut up either.

[MrsT0714]

Reading your post it was as if you were describing my son.  He is 8 yrs old, very bright, and adhd.  Since kindergarten he has had the same issues in school, talking too much, very high energy, asking questions incessantly, (Is God married, why does the moon follow me home, what kind of car did your dad drive when you were little, can we go to the movies this weekend, and on and on and on)  Not only that, his teachers all told me that he was very bright, but had to be reminded constantly to keep on task, because he would talk rather than do his work.  He was seperated from the class, lost recess time, and almost failed the second grade.  But he was unhappy...he had a hard time making friends, and it broke my heart to watch him suffer...I finally medicated him at the beginning of the school year.  I didn't want to, and was very opposed to it.  However, the FIRST day he was medicated at school his teacher called me to tell me what a difference she saw. He was able to sit still, did not need constant reminders, rose his hand, did not blurt out answers in class, and behaved wonderfully.  So he has been on concerta for 2 months.  EVERYONE has noticed a difference with him, and besides all that, his report card was all a's and b's, and he is happy again.  He is actually in advanced placement classes for math and english, and at the end of the day he gets to go read books to the kindergarten classes.  It was worth it for him.  I'm not saying that your daughter needs medication, I'm just saying that my son did, and it's sad the negative stigma attached to it.  It really helped my son to be able to pause and think, instead of react and get in trouble, which makes him so proud of himself. Hell, I wish I would've done it three years ago and he didn't have to go through all the frustration that he did.  Good luck to you and your daughter...and remember....we ALL say things we regret sometimes, we're only human...don't beat yourself up.

[KaLisemommy]

I felt like you were talking about my child (hug) I also find myself telling her to shut up and I hate saying it. I do think my daughter might have a mild case of adhd but I wouldnt put her on medication for it. I am gonna watch this post becuase I need advice on the same issue!

[specialmom]

Ya know, a nicer way to ask for a break is to say "let's play the quiet game".  Set a timer or use your watch or phone to illustrate the length of time----- and say that we must take a break from talking during the quiet time game.  

Also, this is a sign that your child has trouble reading nonverbal social cues (and some verbal ones too).  Work on this in an instructional way.  Talk about how we talk to strangers.  The give and take of real conversation.  The pausing to listen to others as polite and how we are good friends and family members.  Role play it.  You can teach a child that is not getting some social things naturally.

I would stay away from getting so frustrated that you yell or say shut up.  You'll end up with a kid who starts doing that.  Tell him/her you are going to the bathroom and you'll be right back when you are getting ready to blow.  Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth.  Take deep breaths.  But try to remain calm.  

Good luck!

[bittenbutterfly]

Wow.. sounds a lot like my youngest son. I have an older son who has severe ADHD and he doesn't talk non-stop like my youngest. My youngest does not have ADHD, but "may" have bipolar. My youngest has a different father. We both have Bipolar, I know my mom said that I talked a lot as a child, but nothing like my youngest. We get frustrated too at times and yell shut up when he doesn't hear be quiet a million and one times! We asked for the quiet time. Especially in the car, I like to listen to the radio and my lil' boy vocalizes every thought that comes through his head. Enough to drive a sane person crazy and a crazy person insane! LOL I wont medicate my kids, all these pharmaceuticals are getting scary these days. Any thoughts of teaching my son skills to learn to be quiet? I'm glad my kids talk to me.. and I know everything thing that they do and they think! **sigh** But I like to watch a show or just have a few mins of quiet time myself.. Its sometimes too much, it puts me in the I dont want to be around my kids sometimes, because its constant!

[erica619]

As i was reading your post i felt as it was me writting!!! My son is 6 and I have the same problem!!! I love him so much, but i really enjoy my solo moments!!!

[Natta1980]

Ah I wish my son talked a lot.....:( He can but most of the time he chooses not too :) he only talks when he needs something/something interests him a great deal....No social chatter qhatsoever, asks minimal questions......


I guess the grass is always greener on the other side:)

[meigs_dad]

Your six-year old sounds a lot like my five-year old.  Mine has been extremely talkative since she started talking and my wife and I get very frustrated trying to get through to her that she doesn't have to talk alllllllll the time.  We can't have a conversation until she goes to bed because she seems to think she has to be the one talking, like she feels left out if two other people are talking and she's not.  Trying to get anything done around the house is also difficult between the barage of verbal diarhea and, "Daddy, watch this!  Daddy, watch this!" constantly.  She's also very bossy with her friends and been told as much by them.  She won't shut up in her dance class when the teacher's trying to talk to the students but no one seems to be firm with her and tell her to shut up and listen for a change.  My wife and I are split up but will be getting back together soon and are planning on hiring a parenting coach and I sure hope she can figure out what we're dealing with and can provide some advice on how to get it under control, otherwise we may end-up separated again.
Good luck to everyone here!  I hope we can find some helpful advice and ideas here and share them.

[specialmom]

I think the parenting coach or parenting lessons would be awesome on many levels.  good luck

[kimani2]

I have a 10 year old who gets in trouble often regarding her love for conversation.  I was like that at her age.  I talk to her and let her know that sometimes she will get in trouble and lose out on things she enjoys because of her talking a times that are inappropriate.  I know that she understands but I think a part of it she can't control.  I have requested her instructors to give her more work to keep her busy and to possibly keep her mouth shut.

Peace and Blessings,

Kimani

[beba82]

Im also desperate with my 6 year old daughter that doesnt stop talking. She drives me crazy because she runs her mouth all day long.
I dont think is ADD but there must be some type of diagnost to this problem. I know how each one of you feel or go throught each day. It really hirts me when i have to get to the point and scream at her "SHUT UP" it sound rough but her talking gets very anoying.

ATT: beba

[Claire1986]

your children all sound alot like my just turned 3yr old daughter.... ive been looking at ADHD on google n she seems to tick alot of the boxes for hyperactive? should i take her to our GP?

[frustratedmom81]

Wow, I'm not alone in the struggle. I have a six year old son that, if not corrected, will talk non-stop about anything. I've tried everything from rewards to punishment to restrictions. In class he finishes his work so quickly that he gets bored and starts talking to whoever will listen. His teacher has started assigning him extra work to keep busy, but that only goes so far. His grades academically are great, but because of his talking his behavior is lacking. He is an only child and I"m a single working mother, so sometimes I think he just craves the attention (positive or negetive) that talking gets him. The frustrating thing is when he wants something, such as computer time, toys, junk food he can be quite, but I can't, and don't want to, have to always bribe him into doing what he should do all the time. I guess my overall question is, is this something he'll grow out of? I was told by several people that the talking is a sign that he's very intelligent and I do believe this. The thing is I don't want to discourage his curiosity, but he needs to learn when it's appropriate and when it isn't. And I simply don't know how to teach him that.

[Michelou]

Thank you Thank You Thank You! This discussion has been a God-send and I needed some of the ideas posted here. I too LOVE my 6 y.o daughter and want so desperately to reach her and constructively teach her not to talk sooooo much. She is bright and inquisitive and figures out things so quickly that I don't want to hinder that at all. Thank you especially for the role playing ideas- maybe some social etiquette lessons will help her.

[cwatt]

MY 6 year old daughter never, ever stops talking.  OH my!  Some days i have more patience than others.  When i don't want to hear what she has to say, because she generally just wants to hear her own voice i think...i make her DEAR (drop everything and read) or give her math work.  She either does the work quietly, or says no way, and therefore goes somewhere else to play.  If she concentrates, this usually "shuts her up" so to speak.

Unfortunately, this summer, we have been camping, hard to send her away.  I threaten time outs and follow up on my threats everytime.  I've explained that my ears hurt, that she should not hog all the talking time, and that unless she has a message, we don't need a play by play commentary on every thing that happens inside her brain.  Some things should be thoughts you keep for yourself until someone asks about them.

works most of the time...but like i said, some days are better than others.

[jev1208]

Hi there,
I have a almost 6 year old with a lot of the same issues. I tend to say "shut up" as well and I also find that when Im busy with something is the worse. So I know a lot of it is an attention thing. He is very much a "why" boy, so 80% of what he does say, starts with why. I have a gf that works as an ECE and she said that i should start asking him why back and getting him to start answering his own questions. This takes a lot of patience because you simply dont get rid of the constant chatter. The other issue is the repetitiveness of his questions. Questions like, "what are we doing after school?" or "what are we doing when I wake up?". Does anyone else have a child that HAS to know what is going on every minute of the day? LOL. I thought about placing him in something that could make good use of his talking skills such as acting classes, as I truly believe that he needs to be doing something in which he is good at and will exhaust that part in him. He is artistic and he can act- i call him a drama queen because he acts all day... everything is more dramatic then it needs to be and id say 60% of the time he cant sit still... so I feel for all your guy's pain. I am hesitant to say he has ADD, i think its more like Hyperactiveness.

[besticando]

My now 4 1/2 year old son has been jabbering/talking nonstop for as long as he could make sounds.  I've always talked to him even as a baby as I find I am a natural teacher and "explainer". While this has helped prevent many behavioral issues (he's has been a breeze in almost every other way), I kind of fear I have created the talking monster. He mainly has liked to converse, so I found various ways to cope such as enstating quiet time in which I will not answer his questions-- especially in the car when I worry about safety due to distraction and the fatigue/headaches that his constant talking cause in me. I expected his talkativeness to decrease, but now his imagination has moved into full gear and he narrates stories and talks as charactors when he plays and also constant "sound effects" have started and with a boy playing with toy vehicles, the sounds are loud and limitless. I will explain that I need breaks from his noise and that he will need to play alone for a certain amount of time, but our house is not big and the sounds are. I am a person who needs lots of quiet to concentrate and remain calm so my nerves are jangled and my head aches much of the time.
It's such a relief to know there are other moms coping with this. I really do try to cherish each moment with my son and I know the years go by too fast. I tell myself that when he's 16, maybe he will no longer share anything with mama, so I appreciate our closeness now. My family and friends who do not understand the challenge of the nonstop talking say things like. "I could just listen to him all day. He's so interesting." Or "Never tell a child to be quiet, they learn by asking questions." As if I didn't know he is interesting or learning. They haven't spent constant time with the constant verbal barrage. Being able to keep silent, listen and learn through attention and observation is possibly a more highly valuable skill to acquire. I do worry a lot about how he will do in school once he goes for full days.

[RaleighMommy]

We all have the same problem, and I have to say I feel so much better reading these posts - it's very lonely when you are ripping yourself up for being a bad parent.  My son has a heart of gold, but with everyone coming down on him for the "hyperactivity" he's starting to lash out with anger.  I suppose I understand that frustration.  I am of the "ignorance is bliss" group here, which means I refuse to have him evaluated because I don't want him labelled.  Sensory Integration Disorder or ADHD or both, which is likely.  So I've been reading a lot of books and one great one from amazon is "Arnie and his School Tools".  Read it with your child and then give it to your child's teacher or school counselor.  We are finding some success with:  allowing him to chew sugarless gum DISCREETLY during class; an "active seat" which is made by Ergo - it's an inflatable seat cushion that somewhat throws the child off balance and therefore forces him to sit up and sit still; a "quiet quilt" which is a weighted blanket - this helps his restlessness at night, and we got a lap-sized 4lb version for the car and the classroom.  I'll keep you posted on how this all helps him.  We have a teacher conference on Monday and the teacher also says she has some ideas to try.  Oh, and the most important thing!  These kids need sun on their skin for at least an hour a day so get them outside to play!  That natural, Vitamin D boost really helps!

[Izzylu]

You are by no means horrible or a bad parent.  Kids can be the most frustrating, annoying, insanity driving, loving, creative joys that life gives us.  My 6 y/o has brought home a note for the 2nd time this week!  from school regarding her talking in class and getting up out of her seat (they've only had 3 days of school this week so far!).  Both my husband and I have "talked" to her repeatedly, but it just doesn't seem to be sinking in.  We do the whole rewarding good behaviors and punishing bad ones, but again that works for a little while then she's right back to her usual bad behaviors.  She "forgets the rules".  She's also quite bossy, likes to tell others how to do things, that she typically has no clue about.  
Everyone says she is a mini me.  And, in all honesty she is exactly like me, looks like me at that age, acts like me at that age, etc.  My mom, her mimi, even calls her by my name sometimes!  I'm hesitant to get her tested for ADD just like most parents out there, but at 40 y/o I was recently diagnosed with ADD.  The psychiatrist said that it's highly likely that I've had it my entire life and developed mechanisms/strategies to compensate that have recently begin to fail.  I recently discussed my concerns with my daughter possibly having ADD and he said that it is extremely likely that she does have it as well.  
So why would I let her struggle with school and behavioral issues, like I did as a child, if there are meds/treatments available to help?!  My schooling didn't improve until 2nd yr of high school when I became more involved with school and extra-curricula activities, which forced me to focus my time better (aka compensatory strategy)!
Is it the social stigma of ADD/ADHD that scares parents?  Is it that these kids get treated differently from teachers and school administrators?  If so, then changes (education) needs to take place for the educators and administrators.

[labesi]

Oh thank God I found this post, it actually made me laught out loud, as I read trought your posts as I have a 6 year old little chatter box, who asks question 12/7, interrupts any conversation I try to have, has told his Taikwando teacher that he loves him, invites random people into the house and is obssessed with Out of Service buses, wich he asks everyone about, and no matter how many times you explain why the buses go out of service he still keeps asking why this is! Some days its ok, I answer his endless why questions and actually end up having a giggle with him when he keeps going on and on about the same random things, other days I just say huh huh, ok and yes and try to remain calm, wich sometimes is VERY difficult. Thumbs up guys, if we can make trought this, we can make trought anything!

[booboosmom13]

I have a similar problem, that my 10 year old son talks insessively and is driving us nuts. We don't believe he has ADHD/ADD, just likes to talk. He is very well liked by the teacher and students in his class. He brings home homework because he is too busy socializing with his neighbors and class mates. I asked how a reward system would work and he sighed and said "I hate rewards". He loves books from the school book orders, so I suggested we work with the teacher each week if he deserves a book.
I want to see him succeed. Any suggestions on how to help him focus and listen. Why it takes me 5 times to say no, it drives me nuts!! I know he''s a child. I don't want to medicate him, as I believe its not ADHD.