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OT Me and my boyfriend are done
So I needed to get this off my chest and I can't call any of my friends so I thought I would post it here since you all seem like family.
Tonight after my boyfriend got off of work (about 2 hours ago) I asked him to rock the baby to sleep since I had just fed her and changed her. Her complains but goes to rock her. 10 minutes later he comes out to the living room puts her in her swing and goes outside to smoke a cigarette. She's quite for a little while but then he comes back in and sits on the couch to watch TV and she starts crying again. So I ask him to pick her up since she's a baby and she isn't supposed to be left alone to cry until she is older. He starts yelling at me telling me how he's been working for 8 hours and I'm the mom and I can take care of it and that it is good for her to cry. So I get frustrated and tell him that he is a horrible father since he can't even take care of his daughter for a little while so that I can relax.
Next thing I know he throws a cup of water on me. I get up to go into the bathroom and change and scream at him that I hate him and this is why I don't want to be with him or even have sex with him because he is a self absorbed child that only cares about himself. Next thing I know he comes in the room holding the baby and grabs me by my hair and throws me across the room. At this point I'm thinking okay it has gone too far I'm getting out of here. So I grab my phone to call my friend to see if I can stay the night at her house but she doesn't answer and Zach follows me to the bathroom seeming all menacing so I tell him to get away from me or I'll call the cops so he starts to reach out again so I call 911... but before i can even get an operator he grabs my phone and smashes it into pieces on the bathroom floor. Which sprays up and scares the baby (who he is still holding) and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs.
I grab the baby from him run into the living room, put her in her car seat, grab my keys and leave. I drive to Quiktrip across from my house and use the pay phone to call the police. The police meet me at QT and take down all the information and then they drive me to my house where they arrest Zach. They told me to come to the police station at 9:00 tomorrow morning to get an order of protection for Aspen and I. Which I fully plan to do. I guess he see's the judge at 10:30 in the morning tomorrow and that they'll serve him the order of protection then. The police officers said that he won't be getting out tomorrow at all since he has domestic violince and criminal damage which are two counts against him.
I don't know I'm just upset. I'm pretty sure I won't be sleeping tonight (its already almost 3 am). I just can't stand him and I want to get away so bad and if this is what it is going to take then that is that. But I will not raise my daughter in a house where her father does things like that in front of her or not. It is not okay and I don't want her to grow up thinking that it is. Plus I DESERVE way better than that! I know that someone out there will love me much more and be a WAY better father than Zach ever can or will be.
Tonight after my boyfriend got off of work (about 2 hours ago) I asked him to rock the baby to sleep since I had just fed her and changed her. Her complains but goes to rock her. 10 minutes later he comes out to the living room puts her in her swing and goes outside to smoke a cigarette. She's quite for a little while but then he comes back in and sits on the couch to watch TV and she starts crying again. So I ask him to pick her up since she's a baby and she isn't supposed to be left alone to cry until she is older. He starts yelling at me telling me how he's been working for 8 hours and I'm the mom and I can take care of it and that it is good for her to cry. So I get frustrated and tell him that he is a horrible father since he can't even take care of his daughter for a little while so that I can relax.
Next thing I know he throws a cup of water on me. I get up to go into the bathroom and change and scream at him that I hate him and this is why I don't want to be with him or even have sex with him because he is a self absorbed child that only cares about himself. Next thing I know he comes in the room holding the baby and grabs me by my hair and throws me across the room. At this point I'm thinking okay it has gone too far I'm getting out of here. So I grab my phone to call my friend to see if I can stay the night at her house but she doesn't answer and Zach follows me to the bathroom seeming all menacing so I tell him to get away from me or I'll call the cops so he starts to reach out again so I call 911... but before i can even get an operator he grabs my phone and smashes it into pieces on the bathroom floor. Which sprays up and scares the baby (who he is still holding) and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs.
I grab the baby from him run into the living room, put her in her car seat, grab my keys and leave. I drive to Quiktrip across from my house and use the pay phone to call the police. The police meet me at QT and take down all the information and then they drive me to my house where they arrest Zach. They told me to come to the police station at 9:00 tomorrow morning to get an order of protection for Aspen and I. Which I fully plan to do. I guess he see's the judge at 10:30 in the morning tomorrow and that they'll serve him the order of protection then. The police officers said that he won't be getting out tomorrow at all since he has domestic violince and criminal damage which are two counts against him.
I don't know I'm just upset. I'm pretty sure I won't be sleeping tonight (its already almost 3 am). I just can't stand him and I want to get away so bad and if this is what it is going to take then that is that. But I will not raise my daughter in a house where her father does things like that in front of her or not. It is not okay and I don't want her to grow up thinking that it is. Plus I DESERVE way better than that! I know that someone out there will love me much more and be a WAY better father than Zach ever can or will be.
You look like a verry strong woman, yor daugter is lucky to have u as a moomy, and he has to stay away from both of u till he can straight his life. Goods luck to u and your little one
If he's been charged with any kind of violence from an act involving that baby, then no, he cannot.
And if he tries, you can bring up the past and tell them that he is violent, and irresponsable.
You being the mother, you have first priorities of that baby, and if you don't want the father around because of the way he is, then they cannot fight you over that because the records clearly show he's is completely incapable of watching her.
I mean, the guy can't even get off his *** to f*ckin hush her.
Imagine if she stays, say, the weekends with him... what will become of her then?
A sh*tty diaper left all weekend, starving and sick.
SHAME ON HIM!
You can fight against him.
And he cannot win.
And if he tries, you can bring up the past and tell them that he is violent, and irresponsable.
You being the mother, you have first priorities of that baby, and if you don't want the father around because of the way he is, then they cannot fight you over that because the records clearly show he's is completely incapable of watching her.
I mean, the guy can't even get off his *** to f*ckin hush her.
Imagine if she stays, say, the weekends with him... what will become of her then?
A sh*tty diaper left all weekend, starving and sick.
SHAME ON HIM!
You can fight against him.
And he cannot win.
They will give you a restraining order wether you want it or not at least in my state they do.HopefullyThey will make him take classes.You can go online and find do it your self packets for custody issues that you cant print .You can also get the waver so that you dont have to pay the fileing fee.
Eeek! I don't know what to write. I read your story and was disgusted by your boyfriend's behaviour. But I was also impressed by your writing (you sound articulate and intelligent) and by your decision. You have a beautiful daughter, and from the sound of it, a beautiful life ahead of you. Don't waste your life by attempting to rehabilitate someone that is not worth it. You deserve a partner, not a patient. Save patients for work-related circumstances. And your daughter deserves a loving father. Not a self-indulgent child who beats and hurst on those that are physically weaker than him. I think you are doing wonderful by putting your daughter first. My only advice would be, when you are in a relationship, ask yourself: Would I want this relationship for my daughter?
Good luck. I know it is difficult to let go of someone you once cared for and saw potential in. But your job is not to raise a boyfriend. It's to raise a daughter. And you deserve a partner in that task. Not a deterrent. All the best in this difficult but courageous time of your life. Congrats on your goals and dreams as well. And all the best in achieving them.
Good luck. I know it is difficult to let go of someone you once cared for and saw potential in. But your job is not to raise a boyfriend. It's to raise a daughter. And you deserve a partner in that task. Not a deterrent. All the best in this difficult but courageous time of your life. Congrats on your goals and dreams as well. And all the best in achieving them.
I honestly hope he is having the shittiest time sitting in his jail cell. Ugh he gets out tomorrow morning and its going to take me a couple of days to move my things out. The judge he saw this morning said he isn't allowed to go to the scene of the crime or the victim... so does that mean he can't come to our apartment? I would love to be able to stay a couple more days here to get everything packed and organized first but I'm just worried that he'll come where all his things are too.
I doubt Zach and I will ever get back together because frankly I'm just so tired of this **** and I KNOW I deserve someone who will love Aspen and I. His mom said that she might move Zach up to Utah with her and send him to some kind of rehabilitation center to help with his drinking and depression and everything which will probably be the best thing because he didn't act crazy or do any of these things (even drink) until he became depressed.
I doubt Zach and I will ever get back together because frankly I'm just so tired of this **** and I KNOW I deserve someone who will love Aspen and I. His mom said that she might move Zach up to Utah with her and send him to some kind of rehabilitation center to help with his drinking and depression and everything which will probably be the best thing because he didn't act crazy or do any of these things (even drink) until he became depressed.
Good for you...I give you a lot of credit for standing your ground. You will protect your daughter at all costs. Don't ever let him back in because it will just get worse. Keep hold of that order of protection. He will either take you to court to fight for visitation just to hurt you or he will not even bother but have all the documentation of harassment and threats. If he says anything or does anything keep a record and use it against him in court. Take pictures of your bruises or whatever marks he might have left on you. You have to look after yourself and Aspen.
Good luck and I hope he gets exactly what he deserves.
Good luck and I hope he gets exactly what he deserves.
Hey... I'm so glad you reported him... not enough women report abuse in this country.. its reported that 72% of victims of domestic violence do not report their abuser so by reporting him you have done the first great step. Im actually going to school to be a social worker who specializes in cases involving domestic abuse.... I don't want to scare you but 82% of men who hit their wives/ girlfriends also hit their children... .. so by getting yourself and aspen away from him once again you did the right thing.. Make sure you document exactly what he did to you when it happened and everything so if you he decides to take you to court for custody you have some things to show the judge .. also make sure anyone you called or who may have seen the actual viloence right down what they saw.
Now if you decide you think he has changed or whatever and take him back have a backup plan... put money in an account you can use in a hurry if you need to leave unexpectedly... always have a bag packed for you and aspen of things that you would need in case once again you have to leave unexpectedly.. Protect yourself and your child hun... ( it looks like thats exactly waht you are doing)
Now if you decide you think he has changed or whatever and take him back have a backup plan... put money in an account you can use in a hurry if you need to leave unexpectedly... always have a bag packed for you and aspen of things that you would need in case once again you have to leave unexpectedly.. Protect yourself and your child hun... ( it looks like thats exactly waht you are doing)
DON'T let him around that baby. I hope the police included in their report that he jepordized that precious babies life by physically attacking you while holding her. That way if he goes for custody or visitation it will have to be supervised. He DOES NOT need to be left alone with that baby. That just drives me nuts. But let me tell you, that restraining order isn't worth the paper it is written on. I would move and never look back. That baby and yourself deserve so much better....
of course you and Aspen deserve WAY better dont EVER doubt that for a second. He knows good and well what he did was wrong, only an animal wouldnt be able to see that, and hes trying anything in his power to not feel ashamed of himself, because hes a coward. hes trying to turn it around on you so he doesnt have to admit that to himself. i can hardly believe anyone could do something like that and especially in front of your DD. you have strength girl, i know so many women who stick around in that mess. stay strong, Aspen deserves to see her mommy happy and out of harms way.
Can I just say that Aspen is lucky to have a Mum who is brave enough to get rid of his ***!! I wish more people who were victims of domestic violence were as strong as you. Don't let him trick you, you absolutely did the right thing and I admire you for it.
What a fantastic example to set to your daughter for the future xx
What a fantastic example to set to your daughter for the future xx
I am soooo sorry this happened to you and you sure don't deserve it one bit! You must stay strong for your daughter and get away from him--definitely follow through and get the order. If he is capable of doing that than he is most likely capable of doing worse. No man EVER should lay a hand on a woman..................only cowards do that. He might try to get you back and apologize, but I wouldn't even give him the time of day!
Keep your foot down and don't give him an inch. Your daughter and YOU both deserve a man who is going to be a MAN. Not that you're going to go off looking right away or anything. Plus, with his history of violence I DOUBT he'd get custody. Judges always favor the mother unless there is very hard evidence against her in regards to abuse/drugs. My brother has been trying to get custody of his sons for YEARS because their mom locks them in a closet and makes them sleep on the floor and never gives them baths, etc. He keeps losing custody and he has to endure his children living like that because no one will do anything about it.
You're doing the right thing, as hard as it is! I'm so sorry things have to happen like this, but Aspen will be better off. So will you!
You're doing the right thing, as hard as it is! I'm so sorry things have to happen like this, but Aspen will be better off. So will you!
I am so sorry girl! You take care of your daughter and yourself!!!! If he even tries to get visitation you can use the police reports against him! Dont let your daughter grow up like that! My mother left my father for a loser and he did it to her until I was old enough for him to start beating the **** out of me! Dont let him have the chance to do it to Aspen! Get rid of him now before he can hurt her.... He really dont seem like he is ready or even wants to be a father! All it would take is for him to get angry at her for crying and shake her and God knows what will happen! Honey protect your daughter and yourself...... Dont let him come back he will NOT change!!!! No matter what he says he is the same! BE CAREFUL!!!!!! Guys dont take it well when we put them in jail! See if someone can stay with you and go change the locks dont let him get back in that house! Please be safe!!!!!
Please be careful. As those of us that have gone through this know, what he is doing is perfectly normal. They always do that. They are always sorry, won't ever do it again, and then somehow turn it around on you. Like him asking if there is someone else, etc. He is exhibiting the typical behavior of an abusiver. It will only get worse.
Please be careful and be strong. That is really the best advice that I can give to you.
Please be careful and be strong. That is really the best advice that I can give to you.
i'm so sorry this happened to you. i'm glad you got out of there before something else may have happened. i wish u luck.
you don't owe him an explanation.. what he did is his explanation.. just cut off all contact.. that will be in your protection order.. DONT talk to him again... if you do the judge will say you violated the order and so it becomes null and void... There is always an excuse.. I worked in a domestic violence shelter and the men always say sorry and have a reason.. but you know what if you stay there statistics say that your baby will find a man just like her daddy and end up being beat too... so for you baby and you don't talk to him again....
there is no point in talking to him, the only reason would be to hear an excuse and there is none for what he has done... call a domestic violence hot line if you need to talk to someone.. they have support groups you can go to and understand everything.. they can even help you with legal help for custody and everythingl.... remember you are fighting for your daughters future..
there is no point in talking to him, the only reason would be to hear an excuse and there is none for what he has done... call a domestic violence hot line if you need to talk to someone.. they have support groups you can go to and understand everything.. they can even help you with legal help for custody and everythingl.... remember you are fighting for your daughters future..
Oh Malia...I'm so sorry! What a creep. Its definately a good idea to get rid of that *******. How could he do that **** in front of your baby! My cousin was with this guy in washington. She got pregnant and had her son, and the father started hitting her. He beat the **** out of her like 4 times, 3 in front of the baby, the other in front of his own family. He threw her down in the snow and started kicking her in the stomach. She decided to get away from him and move to AZ to live with my family. Well I guess he already had a 7 year old daughter and beat her mom. After my cousin left, he beat another girl he was with, now he's in prison and isnt allowed to see my cousin or her son. She's now with a very nice man in Casa Grande and they have a house and are ttc soon. Things will look up for you Malia, I feel for you...and Aspen. Just stay away from him, far far away from him. Do everything in your power to keep him away from the baby. Sounds like youre already doing that though. Good luck. You can always PM me on here or myspace.
Ugh he's already started trying to weedle his way back. He keeps calling my mom begging her to speak with me and blah blah blah. She came over to my house at 4 am because he woke her up calling from jail and wanted to check up on me and see if I was okay. I spoke to him on the phone to tell him to stop calling and its like her can't even see what he did is wrong its all "so you don't love me anymore, is there someone else, are you just wanting to date other people". No, no and yes. I keep trying to explain to him that this isn't about him and I but about Aspen and whats good for her but he just can't understand.
they never change... you need to be strong and end it for good.. the restraining order give you automatic full custody for the time being... press charges.. with that on his record he will not get custody but if it is just a restraining order he may so go through with the whole court process..
if there is a pfa against him in regards to you and ur daughter and he domestic battery under his belt and a past record, he WILL NOT get custody. i speak from experience. dont worry about that, but please please make sure u do go through with the pfa because if you dont and this happens again, the court may look at you enabling (sp) the violence and never taking action to stop it (ive been there too!) best of luck!
I am so impressed that you made the right decision for you and Aspen! So many women get trapped in the cycle of domestic violence and it truly becomes a cycle...it never gets better! I wouldn't worry about him getting custody...someone would have to be insane to let someone who is that unstable have custody of a child! Good luck and stay strong...no matter what! He probably will try to weasel his way back into your heart BUT you know what happened the last time he weaseled his way back...Hugs and Prayers!
Although it's hard, you are totally doing the right thing......It sounds like he's been getting worse and worse over the years and he could end up really hurting you (physically).....You're strong and you'll succeed just fine with you and Aspen. I wouldn't worry about him getting custody...esp. with police reports out on him.....and on top of it, it doesn't sound as though he would want it......
You're right, you deserve so much better than that....and so does the baby!
You're right, you deserve so much better than that....and so does the baby!
Im really sorry you have to go through this its tough, ive never been in an abusive realationship so i dont know what your going through but your strong im really happy you left his sorry a*s*s he does not deserve to be with you and aspen.me like that arent worth your time this will only make you stronger. not all woman are strong enough to leave an abusive realationship. i was 12 when my mother met and married her now ex husband me and my siblings grew up watching him beat her using her doing drugs etc.... he was good for nothing but my point is it was hard for me seeing him do that it took my mother ten years to leave him thats a long time granted she finally did it but the damage has been done not just to her but to me and my sibs. soo i just want you to know that sure its gonna hurt alot but you are stronger then you realize :) im soo glad you made the right choice you deserve more than that and one day you will find a man that will love you and aspen for who you are. i hope you get the protective order. oh one more thing he may come back to you in time and claim hes changed. but you know deep down they never do. i know it hurts now but youve made the best choice for you and lil aspen. shes beautiful as are you. i wish you great happiniess in the days to come dont let this get you down deary
THE WOMAN HERE ARE HERE FOR YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BE :) keep your head up
this may sound harsh, mean but in my opionion any man that will beat on a woman is scum of the earth. sorry im not trying to offend anyone but i just had to share that with you. so plz dont take offense.its my opionion (sp?)
THE WOMAN HERE ARE HERE FOR YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BE :) keep your head up
this may sound harsh, mean but in my opionion any man that will beat on a woman is scum of the earth. sorry im not trying to offend anyone but i just had to share that with you. so plz dont take offense.its my opionion (sp?)
Wow.....I really wish I had the words. I too have been in an abusive relationship with my ex. He is my son's biological father. He did the same things. I got a divorce when my son was 2 and my son hasn't seen him since. He's 14 now. But my current husband has been a very good father to him. I can't stress enough to get out now!!! It sounds like that is what you are going to do. Be strong for you and your daughter. He sounds very irresponsible to me. Please be careful, and if you ever need to talk, I am here.
I urge you not to go back. My fear was always that he would eventually hurt my son too. I probably would have gone to prison if he had, so please do WHATEVER you have to do to protect you and Aspen.
You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
I urge you not to go back. My fear was always that he would eventually hurt my son too. I probably would have gone to prison if he had, so please do WHATEVER you have to do to protect you and Aspen.
You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
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