Tips for being a great mom....

[mamaof4410]

Most of us in here are already mothers. I didn't have a good relationship with my mom and still don't till this day. Sometimes I question my parenting since I'm basically going on instinct, not what I was taught. I was never taught how to be a good mom. What are some of the things you ladies to with your children to make them feel special or some of the things you plan on doing once they arrive. I me don't get me wrong. I'm not a bad mom but I just wonder sometimes if I'm doing "enough" with my kids besides making sure they have a nice clean home and doing homework and certain activities with them. Please any suggestions as it is spring break for my kids:-)

[Omacastrop]

I too had an alcoholic mom, abusive father. When I had my son at 18 I was scared to death that I would end up like my parents. The 1st promise I made when I was still pregnant was to never, ever spank him when I was angry. I didn't want to be my father. 2nd, I wouldn't drink, & I would be physically, & emotionally available to my son. That way I wouldn't be my mother. So basically I made sure to do almost everything opposite of my parents. :) when I was 23 I had my daughter, at 24 I had my 2nd daughter. Plus my step daughter. (whom I've raised since the age of 6) all 4 of my children are adults and say they have always thought I was the best mom ever. It makes me feel wonderful to know that I didn't screw them up. Now we are expecting our 3rd grandchild in july & we are so excited:)

[Ashelen]

Btw I've read and truly believe that stability ands supporting a child's individuality are the best ways to make them feel loved and confident as they grow.

[Ashelen]

I had a rotten mom too.. An abusive alcoholic and an abusive mostly absent father. I'm not worried about my boys but my 3.5 y/o is a girl and I'm constantly terrified of damaging her. I spend a little time every day thinking about what my parents did to me that scared me,  hurt me, made me feel small and alone... And I think of what they could have done instead to make me feel smart,  beautiful,  capable,  confident... And I do that.  When I find myself acting like my mom or simply not parenting up to my standards,  I have no problem sitting my kids down and explaining how mommy's yelling was HER failure,  not theirs.  I wish my mom had apologized once in my life about anything. I don't let bad behavior go just because I lose my cool but I do put it in perspective if I react poorly.  "you cannot hit your brother but mommy should not have screamed.  We both did the wrong thing but I still love you.. How can you make your brother feel loved after you hurt him?"

Sometimes I think those of us with bad parents might have a tougher battle in our heads when it comes to parenting,  but we also know the damage that cruelty or neglect can cause so we have the foresight to look for and avoid it.  Trust yourself.. You're doing better than you think,  I bet!

[mamaof4410]

I think that has alot to do with why I'm so attached to my husband. My dad as never around, my mom was always coming and going. My grandparents had their own things going on. They did a great job and I love them so much for that but it wasn't their responsibility to raise me. My husband is the only person that has never turned his back on me. My husband makes more than enough money for me to be able to stay home with the kids. Like you said I am very fortunate for that because some moms don't get that option. I just want to be better than my mom was. I to had my first son at 16 and did everything I could to be able to finish school and be able to provide for him on my own if i ever had to. I just feel that even if I'm doing a great job already there is always room for improvement, especially with the priveledge  of getting to be someones MOM:-)

[HeatherLF16]

I had a terrible mom as well growing up and I feel the same as you just going on instinct because I was never taught.  I am 30 years old and I have a 19 month old son.  I got married at 22, but was always afraid to have kids until later because my mom had me at 16 and to this day still acts like a child.  My parents were both (dad still is) drug addicts and I was mainly raised by my grandparents.  So, I waited until my late 20's to get pregnant.  
First thing I did for my son is I figured out a way to be home with him, and gave up my career for now.  My husband and I worked it out so I can stay home and not send him to daycare.  I realize not a lot of people are able to do that, and sure we struggle here and there but it is worth it to me to be able to spend these early years with him.  
The next thing I did is made sure he has lots of structure.  He has basically the same routine every single day.  I think it has really helped him be a happy and secure little guy because he knows what to expect.  We have an outting everyday at 10am, usually since we have good weather here in California year round it's the park for an hour before lunch.  If it rains there are plenty of indoor playgroups/gyms around here I take him to or we do a playdate.  After his nap, we do puzzles, build legos ect until his dad gets home.  Before bed, his dad reads him stories everynight and we spend time playing as a family before dinner and eat dinner together as a family (these are all things I never had growing up).  
I also try to explain everything to him and label everything, even if he doesn't understand yet he will eventually so I think it is a nice habbit to get into from day one.
Don't be too hard on yourself I am sure you are doing everything you can to be a great mom.  I actually wonder if sometimes my child is a little spoiled... like maybe I am over compensating because of my crappy childhood?    

[mamaof4410]

My daughter loves baking and helping with the dishes and her and the boys loves bubbles so i do that with them to. I just want to be the best I can be for them. I dont want them to look back someday and wish they had a better childhood. I guess just mommy insecurities. Best of luck to both of you. I love my daughter with the world but boys are so much easier. My daughter gets into my makeup constantly! Lol

[2bmommyof2]

With my son we'll spend the day outside blowing bubbles or playing in his sand box or something like that. I get 1 day off during the week so those are our mommy/son days. Where I love we have a tiny zoo that is cheap to get in to so we go there about once a month or go see a movie or we'll just lounge around on the couch all day and snuggle if the weather is ugly out. We just have fun and some days I just ask him what he wants to do today. Girls I am clueless with and come July I'll have one :) lots of fun I store for me!

[kfrasher]

The fact that you are concerened enough to ask how to improve yourself speaks volumes!!! Right there shows your a good mom!! I believe instinct has a lot to do with being a good mom! I love to bake with my girls!! We do crafty things too! I remember you have a few  boys too,  so I'm not much help there!! Won't get one of those until July! ;-)