FTM..AM I WRONG...

[AriesQT]

I'm 21+2 and will be a FTM to a baby boy. My husband and I live in a 2br apartment. He has three sons from a previous marriage. They stay with their mom. Because she is a jealous and bitter b i t c h, we only get the boys like once every other month, if that. It's always random or my husband has to practically beg. Our 2nd bedroom has two sets of bunkbeds for the boys. My question is, am I wrong for wanting to turn it into a nursery for our son who will be living here full-time? As he gets older, I wouldn't mind the bunkbeds and him sharing his room when my step kids come. I really want a nursery, but I don't want my husband to feel like I'm doing his boys "bad" by wanting to get rid of the bunks for now. He is OK with cramming a crib and stuff for our son in the boys' room.

[mamavl]

I don't think it's a good idea to turn there room into a nursery I know your intentions ain't bad and it's understandable as a ftm but I do think it's important to make them feel at home when they are round even if it is rare. If they always slept in the living room and didnt use the room then fair enough but because it was there room I don't tink it's a good idea I would suggest keep in the baby in your room in a crib or pack n play until the baby is able to sleep through the night then rearrange the room so they all can sleep there it would be easier for you that way anyway. Your partner should seek legal advise about seeing his kids because that's not right and no matter how far they go commitment to those kids is important.

[mckaylas_momma1018]

I don't think it would be fair to his other kids and I think they may harbor resentment... when I was younger my dad and stepmom did something similar and I hated my dad for allowing it and her for doing it... that resentment was harbored for YEARS and finally manifested into hatred when I was 16 when I lived with them. I left the house at 17. We have since repaired that relationship but that took years (8 years-- right before I had my daughter at 24)... personally I wouldn't do it... you can put all the kids stuff in 1 room and get a bassinet for your room since its not likely you will want to get up and go and get the baby in the other room (I certainly dont want to and I have a bassinet ready to go)...
my advice-- have him file for formal visitation.... there is no reason he doesn't get to see his kids every weekend or at least every other weekend and dont take away their beds-- they wont want to come at all

[jaaked]

Those children are NOT visitors.  Because face it if you & your husband get a divorce you wouldn't want your child to be thought of as a visitor in his home just because he has a new wife. If you insist on getting your child a nursey (which I see nothing wrong with) then you should be willing to compromise & get those boys appropriate sleeping quarters. A sofa is not that

[mege26]

My parents have been divorced since I was 3 and and I went to each house every other day. Finally at 14 I chose to live at my moms (I had a step sister there) between school, working part time and drinking... I didn't go to my dads much. I finally did once cuz it had been so long. And my room was gone. I understand it now but then I took it as that house was no longer my home and they didn't want me. So I distanced myself again. My stepmom told me how hurt my dad was that I never come. I told her I felt unwanted since my room was gone. Point is communication makes a huge difference. I would never consider a child/stepchild just a "visitor" its not easy growing up in 2 homes. Discuss it as a family b/c that's what you are.

[thehardwicks]

I agree with bama_mama. Touchy subject but they should feel as if they have a room at dads house too. They are not visitors.. they are his children too!

[Scuttles88]

I don't think you're wrong for wanting a nursery for your baby - it's your first for pete's sake. As a step child,  I never felt anger or resentment when I didn't have my own room. I was visiting my dad and I went back to my own room at my mom's house. It was no big deal for me.