Aa
Disgusted. This can't be normal!?
I know this could stir some people up, but I have always been this was. I am 20 years old married to a 27 year old man whom I love dearly. He wants kids, I don't. It's not just that I don't want kids, but the idea of being pregnant DISGUSTS me.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot get excited about the possibility of being pregnant, about having something live inside me. It reminds me of a parasite. I hate the pregnant woman look, I hate the thought of not being in control of my mood and being sick. The sound of a crying baby makes my skin crawl. I can be around other people's kid, but I can never bring myself to touch or hold them.
I know my husband is at the age to have the urge to start a family, and he know's that I don't want to, but I don't think he know's to what extent. I'm afraid to tell him how I really feel.
Basically, I'm asking what is wrong with me! I know this is not normal, and I don't care to hear, "That will change once you're actually pregnant!", because it won't...It didn't last time.
I NEED HELP and I just need to know that someone read this so I'm not TOTALLY ALONE.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot get excited about the possibility of being pregnant, about having something live inside me. It reminds me of a parasite. I hate the pregnant woman look, I hate the thought of not being in control of my mood and being sick. The sound of a crying baby makes my skin crawl. I can be around other people's kid, but I can never bring myself to touch or hold them.
I know my husband is at the age to have the urge to start a family, and he know's that I don't want to, but I don't think he know's to what extent. I'm afraid to tell him how I really feel.
Basically, I'm asking what is wrong with me! I know this is not normal, and I don't care to hear, "That will change once you're actually pregnant!", because it won't...It didn't last time.
I NEED HELP and I just need to know that someone read this so I'm not TOTALLY ALONE.
@ ashelen and vacuumprincess
I am fairly certain that I don't feel guilty about terminating my previous pregnancy, but after thinking about it a bit, I may feel bad about not feeling bad about it. Does that make any sense? That said, I ABSOLUTELY do not question that it was the right move for me. Bt could these feelings come from being remorseful for not being remorseful?
I am fairly certain that I don't feel guilty about terminating my previous pregnancy, but after thinking about it a bit, I may feel bad about not feeling bad about it. Does that make any sense? That said, I ABSOLUTELY do not question that it was the right move for me. Bt could these feelings come from being remorseful for not being remorseful?
Sweetie you're not crazy. I think you're being far more responsible than some kids out there wanting to make babies, or too stupid/lazy to practise birth control. Nothing is worse than bringing an innocent life to the world, and then abuse him/deprive him of his needs.
The problem here seems to be serious communication break down between your husband and you. From what I read, he seems a bit childish. When you had made it clear you do not want children, he thought 'you didn't mean it', and married you anyway. I will have to say he is not mature enough to be a husband and a father. 27 is still considered young to father a child.
You may change, or you may not. Either way you're entitled to your choice. But don't have a baby just to satisfy someone. Have it because you're ready and want to!
The problem here seems to be serious communication break down between your husband and you. From what I read, he seems a bit childish. When you had made it clear you do not want children, he thought 'you didn't mean it', and married you anyway. I will have to say he is not mature enough to be a husband and a father. 27 is still considered young to father a child.
You may change, or you may not. Either way you're entitled to your choice. But don't have a baby just to satisfy someone. Have it because you're ready and want to!
I felt the same way with my first and she was unplanned and not expected. I never touched my belly like pg women do and I hated the fact that I was limited in things I could do. I felt like my body wasn't mine. I was 24 when I got pg and I was not ready. The moment I held her in my arms for the first time was an instant bond and I was instantly happy and in love with the baby that I hated inside my body. I am pg for the 2nd time now (it took me 6 years to even want another one) and this time planned. I was thinking this would be different and I would love pregnancy but I don't yet again. I am trying to enjoy it more but I still get wierded out. I tell my dr that I have pre partum depression. I had to get on antidepressants the first time and more than likely will have to start them again this time. All I have to say is, it is worth it. My first baby changed my life for the better and I know that once this baby is born I will again have the best feeling ever. BTW I love labor and get an instant natural high from childbirth. Yeah I know I am wierd. :) Good luck, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. What ever you decide just know you are not alone.
I'm very sorry you're dealing with all of this...I'll respond to your most recent post so I don't have to go back over everything you've already said with the the ladies, who have some awesome advice and experiencing.
I know it stinks, because you ARE so young, but I really think you need to decide if you will ever want children or not. I mean,I know you can't know for sure, but you need to not strong your husband along with "maybe in 5 years...maybe in 10..." if you have such strong feelings of disgust and inadequacy surrounding pregnancy. if you truly feel that you will never be able to have children, and he very much wants children, you may have to part ways...for both of your happiness. he deserves someone who will have the same life goals as him, including children, and you deserve someone who has YOUR same life goals, someone who doesn't make you feel inadequate wanting children when YOU don't.
That being said...I really think you need to seek some counseling. I think you have some PTSD, to be honest, surrounding the termination, even though you seem to have handled the actual decision fairly well. You are suffering from anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, revulsion...very strong feelings after the termination, when quite frankly guilt and shame are a more common reaction. NOT that there's anythin wrong with your reaction, but it's atypical, which leads me to believe that you are having a reaction that requires some professional attention. not with a psychologist who is going to convince you to have kids, but with someone who can help you overcome the feelings that are lingering from what happened...someone who can sit down with you and your husband and bring you to a place where you are both happy with the future you are planning and where neither of you feels like the other is wanting something drastically different from the other - or who can help you let go if you need to part ways.
I really really can't stress how much I think you should see a counselor, and then you and your husband as well once you've sorted through your own feelings. there's nothing WRONG with your feelings..but I do think that you can be more at peace with them, and yourself, and your husband, with some professional counseling.
good luck
(haha just glanced up and saw that vaccuum recommended the same thing...great minds think alike)
I know it stinks, because you ARE so young, but I really think you need to decide if you will ever want children or not. I mean,I know you can't know for sure, but you need to not strong your husband along with "maybe in 5 years...maybe in 10..." if you have such strong feelings of disgust and inadequacy surrounding pregnancy. if you truly feel that you will never be able to have children, and he very much wants children, you may have to part ways...for both of your happiness. he deserves someone who will have the same life goals as him, including children, and you deserve someone who has YOUR same life goals, someone who doesn't make you feel inadequate wanting children when YOU don't.
That being said...I really think you need to seek some counseling. I think you have some PTSD, to be honest, surrounding the termination, even though you seem to have handled the actual decision fairly well. You are suffering from anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, revulsion...very strong feelings after the termination, when quite frankly guilt and shame are a more common reaction. NOT that there's anythin wrong with your reaction, but it's atypical, which leads me to believe that you are having a reaction that requires some professional attention. not with a psychologist who is going to convince you to have kids, but with someone who can help you overcome the feelings that are lingering from what happened...someone who can sit down with you and your husband and bring you to a place where you are both happy with the future you are planning and where neither of you feels like the other is wanting something drastically different from the other - or who can help you let go if you need to part ways.
I really really can't stress how much I think you should see a counselor, and then you and your husband as well once you've sorted through your own feelings. there's nothing WRONG with your feelings..but I do think that you can be more at peace with them, and yourself, and your husband, with some professional counseling.
good luck
(haha just glanced up and saw that vaccuum recommended the same thing...great minds think alike)
There is definately no reason to feel inadequate as a woman because you do not want children. I know a few women who are pushing 40 (close to my age) who don't have children & don't ever want to. That doesn't make their lives inadequate. You can have a very fufilling life with or without children. That is your choice. it doesn't make your choices at all wrong in any way. Why do some women feel such a strong desire to have children in the first place?? probably from hormones that make some not want any. everyone is different.
I do feel however, that perhaps you feel some guilt from terminating a pregnancy that you were not ready for. I think maybe having experienced this you are totally freaked out by the idea of pregnancy & children. Regardless of if you ever want children or not, I think it would be benificial to speak with a counsler, therapist of some sort of support group.
I do feel however, that perhaps you feel some guilt from terminating a pregnancy that you were not ready for. I think maybe having experienced this you are totally freaked out by the idea of pregnancy & children. Regardless of if you ever want children or not, I think it would be benificial to speak with a counsler, therapist of some sort of support group.
All this is all spurred from my speculation that I might be pregnant, so it has been brought up recently, but I quickly try to change the subject. I was pregnant, once before, by my husband, and though he claims to be pro-choice, he did not take easily to my choice to terminate the pregnancy. Because of that, I think that an adopted or foster child might not suffice for him. And because of that, I fell inadequate that I cannot bring myself to have a child.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
