FTM with dad with kids

[jordyvi0824]

I'm having a really hard time with my boyfriends kids! I love them but thy re so disrespectful all the time! Their mom lets them do whatever thy want all the time and eat whatever they want all the time so they are always hyped up on sugar and thy are always disrespectful to kids and adults! They hit each other and their dad they hit kids at the park.. I've told them that if they ever hit me they won't be aloud over anymore so they don't touch me! But I am really scared to have my baby around them when she comes I feel like they won't care that she's a baby and hit her and I don't really want her around them because I don't want that same disrespectful attitude to rub off on her! Ugh I'm so frustrated! Anyone in a similar pickle or have any suggestions?

[jordyvi0824]

Like I have now said 10 times I would never make him leave them for me I wouldn't expect someone to do that he knows exactly how I feel and he knows the way they act is totally unacceptable unfortunately when your mother tells you not to listen to someone most likely you won't! Nothing is stopping him from walking out that door if he wants to I'm not making him stay I let them all into my home I own my home and I worked hard for it and I still work hard I don't need him I want him because I love him I know that they come with him and that's why I am trying me best and as far as I'm concerned I became a mother the second I got pregnant and if my kid acted that way and he said something about i would leave them I would talk to my kid but these kids don't listen! I never said they couldn't be here but there are boundaries that aren't going to be crossed they know what they are and they are old enough to understand if they choose not to abide by them then they don't get to be in my house and they need to realize that! And you can try to say that I don't understand because I'm not a mom but I am maybe YOU don't understand because you have no idea how Ty act or how their mom is and how impossible it is to talk to her about things and work things out! Like I said he knows how I feel and he's choosing to stay and he understands that that is not the way I want my child to act and I refuse to let her grow up that way.

[Mana517]

Of course u can't help who u fall in love with but as an adult u should be mature enough to realize that it is a package deal no matter if your married or not which you said you would be merried soon correct? So do u think your feeling will change about your soon to be husband's kids by then? Doubt it and actually the things I suggested aren't so difficult giving the kids consequences and rewards for good and bad behavior??? Pretty cut and dry I believe. Me and my boyfriend both have 2 kids each from previous relationships and when we first started dating we both agreed that if any of our children had a problem with us being together we would have to end the relationship no matter how much he loved each other and no matter how much it might hurt. Why? Because as a GOOD parent you ALWAYS put your childrens feelings before your own. I understand you arnet yet a mother so maybe you don't understand but one day you will. And maybe you should be more worried about how your boyfriend feels about how you feel and talk about "another woman's disrespectful children" who are "ridiculous" because if my boyfriend talked about my children like that he wouldn't have to worry about leaving me I would drop in at the drop of a dime. Men and woman come a dime a dozen you children are your children. And it would be extremely selfish of you to make your boyfriend feel like he had to make a choice between you and his kids. Did u guys meet and get pregnant the same day? Most likely not so you knew his kids before u decided to have a baby with this man right?

[jordyvi0824]

@keyshaE Thank you for understanding! :)

[jordyvi0824]

I really don't know where some of you are getting that I am trying to take their ather away from them I am not evil I would never do that but I do think it's perfectly acceptable for me to have a little time away from them to get adapted to everything at my home! I have been amazing to them I allowed them to come into my home have them their own room and they complained cause they each wanted their own when they know I am using it for the nursery I understand it's hard for them because their mom lives in a mobile home and they like being at our house because there's more room to play and all that but still I get no respect from them and I can't have a sit down talk with their mom because she is jealous of what we have together but that's not an excuse I have given tem a lot that I didn't have to and I don't think it's horrible that I want a little time to adapt with everything! He can see them everyday if he wants to I just don't want them here for a bit and they need to learn what it's like to not be here if they can not control themselves! They moved in with me so I absolutely have the power to say they can't come here anymore but I do not want to do that so it's really up to them they are old enough to know right from wrong and there will be consequences if they can't treat me and my baby with respect!

[mrs_farris]

I would have a sit down with all adults, make sure your fiancé is on the same page and lay down the rules. Then bring the kids in and let them know that these are the rules for your house. It will take time for them to adjust. Time outs, a minute per age. If they throw a toy they lose it, to get it back, they have to do something helpful (make their bed, clean up their mess).  Praise good behavior. Only offer one warning.  You have to be consistent, even if their mother has different rules. As long as you and your fiancé are on the same page with the same rules, things will turn around. Also make sure that they have special one on one time with daddy so they don't feel left out.

[keyshaE]

@Mana517 To me that package deal stuff is not valid unless your married and I think it is very selfish to deny a ftm time to get used to her new baby especially if she has ppd seriously what is a couple of weeks without another woman's disrespectful children due to the circumstances at hand. Seriously have you no consideration?!  You can't help who you fall in love with weather they have kids or not so it's a lot easier to suggest leaving the father of your new baby if you dont want his kids around for a few weeks than it is actually follow through with it. A lot of the things you are suggesting are eaiser said than done especially when the mother of the other children is ignorant and has animosity. obviously this woman likes these kids and wants them around and has accepted these children which is very admirable of her and which is all the more reason her feelings should be considered.  A relationship is a 50/50 split so if she is comprising for him and his kids then he should compromise for her and THEIR new child at least for her learning to be a good mother and if nothing else for her sanity.