Giving up baby

[4Nheaven1here]

Question: Do you think its wrong to want to give up a baby because it's special?

[Pantoja26]

As a sister of a special baby, yes I do and no I don't. Special is exactly what the word means they're special. They enhance your life and make you realize what love is however if you cannot give that baby love that he or she needs yes give the baby up. They deserve and need all the love in the world.

[Pantoja26]

As a sister of a special baby, yes I do and no I don't. Special is exactly what the word means they're special. They enhance your life and make you realize what love is however if you cannot give that baby love that he or she needs yes give the baby up. They deserve and need all the love in the world.

[4Nheaven1here]

Thanks for the opinions ladies. I just asked what yall thought about that type of situation and I can honestly say its 50/50

[glorianna9]

Whether or not its wrong in your eyes... It is still her decision. But she does have a lot of amazing advice from all you ladies. Its good to see that everybody is keeping their cool. I don't know the statistics for special needs children to get adopted. But in reality there are so many poor kids who want good families that never get to know what that is, because the government makes it so hard. But she should really think about the outcome of the decision before making it. Best of luck with everything ladies.

[Kairilove]

It serious on the situation...if you're taking about you doing it, you have  4 in heaven...i feel like if i lost four I'd be grateful to have a living one...there's a reason why...and regardless special or not their a miracle

[GordonBaby]

I haven't been on here in a while and when checking this morning, this subject jumped out at me. I had my son in July, and due to complication with the delivery, he has limited use of one of his arms. I am NOT with his father, his father is NOT in his life, I work full time to just barely get by, live on my own, have limited finances and have had to take him to specialists since he was four days old. As difficult as it has been and as difficult as it may be in his future, I as a mother, could NEVER think of anyone else who can raise, love and help my baby better than myself. I believe that whether a child is "normal" or "special needs" they deserve us, as their parents, for us to do EVERYTHING we can do possible to make it work. Is it trying? Very, but the love and bond I have with my son is irreplaceable and I would do anything, ANYTHING to make sure we can make it. There is assistance everywhere, you just have to look for it. Their are parent groups (that are far better and more mature than this forum) for families or parents with children with special needs, for support and advice.

So, to conclude, I think the baby deserves to be with their birth mother, especially if you planned on keeping this baby if it was "normal". Your child will still love, feel and breathe like any other human being on this earth.

[Fe411Fe]

Do you know the percentage of children with special needs that are given up that actually get adopted? It's under 15%, yes there are some people who want a child so they will take what ever the agency gives them. But a lot of people won't adopt a child with special needs, they just sit at the adoption agency and get to watch all the "normal" kids go to loving homes. And statistically when a family does adopt a child with special needs 75% of them return them because they are too difficult to deal with. I'm a nursing student minoring is social work and this is some of the stuff we learn.

[glorianna9]

I think kids with mental handicaps are very amazing kids we have so much to learn from them but some mommas just can't do it being so young and a lot don't have any support. Nobody knows the entire back story... And nobody should be so quick to judge. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. All I think is if the baby is going to be given a better life through adoption there isn't a thing wrong with that. But yes I wish parents wouldn't give their babies up just because they have down syndrome or autism. There is nothing wrong with that child. You should love them just the same.

[Fe411Fe]

I absolutely think it's wrong. Every child is special in there own way, some just have more needs than others. Just because the child needs more attention, or won't act or look like the perfect child you hoped for doesn't mean you should just give them up or abort them. That child might be the best thing that has ever happened to you. My cousin has Down syndrome and that boy has not only made his parents more kind and patient but all of us. We take more time to listen to not just him but others in our lives because we know how special it is to take time and really understand what they are trying to say to us. I wouldn't wish any child to intentionally have a mental disability or anything of the sort but my cousin is the best thing that has ever happened to my family.

[glorianna9]

I think everybody is entitled to do whatever they please. People are so quick to throw god in there and point here fingers and judge. If the mother knows that she isn't going to give that baby all the nurturing and love and finances hat it needs then no there isn't anything wrong with that. So many ladies say they would do anything for their baby. I believe giving up your baby so it can have a better life is the best gift you can. I personally couldn't do it but mothers that do and I'm not talking about selfish reasons, I hold the highest respect for. Lots of families would kill to take that child in. That in itself is a blessing .

[ciera1350]

And just to throw this in there I know a lot of people are saying god brought the special needs child into this world because he knew that person could handle it. BUT that may not be his plan. He gives every one of us the option of free will. And you don't know maybe it was in his plan to give this life to a woman and let her make the choice to give that child to a family that could take care of it and handle it even better. Yes he has a plan, and maybe it was for that family to be given the special needs child. It's not selfish, it's selfless to know in your heart that this baby will have a better life with someone else then what you could ever give to it. And in turn that could have been gods plan all along. Every single thing and decision we make happens for a reason. He gave us free will for a reason.

[Mommy24721]

No hun its not wrong if u feel u do not have that kind of patients yea do it if u think it is what is best for the baby not thinking of urself just the kid in this situation it would b a very hard decision to make but it is fine to give the baby up for adoption but as far as an abortion i disagree because if u don't want the baby someone else surly will and will love it just the same it is in my opinion not right to have an abortion unless it is medically necessary for u to live it is hard to make that decision nd if u have one u will have to look in the mirror every day and ask urself was i right to do that to.my baby?! My mom still gets sad about having an abortion when she was 16 but she was raped and was scared she had nowhere to live and had a father who sexually harassed her after she said she was raped he said by who ill kill him only i can do that to u...he had previously raped my aunt when my mom was 14 so she had already been scared of him but she wanted to get out and after that she did she ran away but she feels very guilty and sad that she did that and she said that is the hardest thing she has ever had to do...but this isn't a place for judgement women obviously have their reasonings and such but i could never live with myself if i did that...it is completely up to the mother of the child if she can look at herself in the mirror and b happy with what she sees afterwards then fine but i just know that isn't an opinion for me I've lost three babies and couldn't bare to loose one by choice :/

[1st_time_momma]

Okay I'm sorry but reading through these comments I'm surprised at a few who are getting after her for asking a question she never said that she was thinking about giving up her child she just asked what was our opinions.

[MommaBear1991]

If you don't feel you can love them for what they have, then give the special bundle to someone who is willing to give them the love they deserve. I work with special needs children, it is a lot if work to care for them. It takes someone strong with a huge heart to care for them and about them.

[sammyasmi]

Please forgive me for what I am about to say but I feel that it should be said...

Yes.. in my opinion it is absolutely wrong.. but thats not the concern here.. the concern here is why do you want to give up the child: due to the probability that it may be special needs? Would u consider this as an option had the child been normal? If you wouldnt than it would be a completely selfish decision on your end.. one that is only made for your convenience... and one that you may really regret in the years to come....

With that said... becoming as parent is not easy.. not for a normal and not for a special needs child. But its what we make of it. Its not the child's fault that he/she has this trial with him. Have compassion and mercy for your child.. its going to be tough enough to face the world with limited abilities.. let alone losing his safe haven called a family and a mom... and on top of that subjecting him in the care of a stranger who may or may not be the right person.  

Dont think too negative about this situation. . Sure its tough to face it... but you are anticipating the fear of the unknown... for all u know... he might become the light and joy of ur life. Give yourself a chance to prove to yourself that you can do it. Your Creator wouldnt put u in this position if He deemed you unfit. YOU CAN DO THIS.. AND I BELIEVE CAN HANDLE THIS WELL. YOU JUST NEED TO BE POSITIVE.  

Your kid doesn't deserve this... and you certainly shouldnt deserve the lingering guilt of this action for the rest of your life.

Good luck.

[KDQ]

I think everyone has to live with their decisions and actions. It would be something you'd have to decide for yourself. Would you keep the baby if nothing was wrong with it?

[4Nheaven1here]

Thanks for the opinions ladies

[Jazzylovesgato]

I think mothers who are told baby is coming with some kind of birth defect shud really thi.k long n hard about abortion or adoption. Personally I wud wait until the babys born to make tht decision. God choosed u to have a special needs baby becuz he knew u cud handle it. God only gives his strongest warriors the toughest situations. My mom with my lil sis was told she was guna be born with down syndrome my mom told me she wanted to have an abortion bt didnt becuz she cudnt live with it. Now my sis is in the 11th grade on the honor roll taking college classes on the weekends n taking tests to go to a college she wants.

[Galvez]

i personally wouldnt do it i couldnt live with it. Even parents who have done it will love with that for the rest of their lives but i agree with a comment from above god doesnt make mistakes those babies are angels n are chosen to be brought into this world for a reason.. Again this is only my opinion im not trying to bash u i hope u just take ure time n think about really really good i hope watever decision u make is in the childs best interest!!!

[shell132]

I would say if its for the right reasons no its not wrong but it would be wrong if its just because you dont want it just because its 'special' i understand if u cant afford a special child

[RileyNjordsMommy3]

It is not wrong. I just feel that a person should indeed make sure thats what they want. I believe it for the right choices. Also, u would be possibly giving a couple who maybe cant havechildren. Its ultimately your decision and either way a great decision if thats what you choose.

[danika0913]

Me personally i couldn't or wouldn't. But its not my place to judge someone else's choices. That is something they would have to live with.

[breccans_mommy]

I think it's your baby your choice, everyone has capabilities to do certain things and if you feel that giving your baby to a family who is more capable of caring for a special needs child that's wonderful! But I think it may be more difficult when the birth comes and after you felt your baby move and kick and have hiccups you bond with her so I personally don't think you should base your decision off what people think, do what is best for you and your baby

[ciera1350]

Honestly I don't feel it's wrong if the reason behind it is because you don't feel that you could handle taking care of it. A special child is a lot of work, probably more than any other child. I think by giving the baby to someone who you know would be much better equipped to handle the situation is a better choice for that child in the long run. You are ultimately making the decision you think will be best for that kids life, so how could that be wrong.? Just my opinion.