Im scared and now on my own!

[Cassandrajane]

Hey guys! Sorry ive been away for a while :(...

Basically John has a new gf now... GR! but oh well happened before and he always comes back, everyone thinks its cause he is scared...

Anywayys now I am even more scared than before. Because now im on my own and I dont know what to do...
what if I really aint good enough?? I cant do this on my own!!

I have been sent to an Anorexia clinic too and it just gets worse.. :(

Helps me with helps! LOL

xx

[brigadiva]

Honey, I am so sorry you are going through this.  I know it is your life and your decision to make so I don't want you to feel like anyone is telling you what to do.  I just wonder if you did take him back does he feel like any time he wants to stray with another woman that he can just break it off for a bit and go have at it without consequences?  Because you are a beautiful girl with a lot to offer and you should not have to settle for that. I have posted the following before and thought it also applied to you here as well.  Whatever you do, know that you can do this and be great at it!  Sounds like you have some loving people in your life and that is already a step ahead!

I know it sounds like something that is easy to say but there are good men out there who will love you and treat you well... and accept your child as his own.  And I am not just saying that as some hypothetical situation... I am proof of it.  I left my ex hb when I was pregnant in 2006.  He was emotionally abusive and starting to show signs of physical abuse (punching the chair I was in and sending me into a bookshelf.  I felt lucky I didn't lose the baby).  I have a son from a previous marriage (1st ex hb was cheating, we had been together 15 years since I was 15 years old!) and my 2nd hb, his so-called 'step-dad,' was being terrible to my then 4 yo boy.  Some of my family thought I was nuts... I was pregnant and should stick it out and "make" him get better.  How?  I told him we could go to therapy.  He could get therapy on his own if he was more comfortable.  It wasn't important enough for him as he didn't see his problems.  So that was it for me.  He didn't step it up and become part of his daughter's life until she was 10 months old.  But I did fine without him.

I thought who in the world would ever want a twice divorced mother of two?!?  But you know what, I didn't care... I'd rather be alone with my self respect than with either of those two jerks who didn't respect me.  And now I am happily married to a wonderful man who doesn't disrespect me or treat me poorly.  There are good guys out there.  I know it is hard to let go when you love someone, especially if you have a child together.  But you have to make it clear that you will not settle for that kind of treatment.  Please don't just take him back because you are afraid to do this alone. I was so weak before my first husband cheated and was so dependant on him.  (A classic 'learned helplessness' case).  But I became so strong getting myself out of there and am so much happier with who I am today.  Raising a child by yourself can be challenging, but for me it was so much easier than doing it with someone who caused more stress and worry in my life.  You can do it!

[mm22732]

i would just like to share something. my older sister brought up 3 kids on her own and she done a good job and if she needed help there was us her family and also her friends. then she met a fella and now they have 2 kids on there own and are engaged. her fella treat all the kids as his own. all im trying to say you never know what furture holds and you could mr right but if your fella comes crawling back and you appect him to do this to you then your never be able to move on and find a better man in time. you sound like a strong minded girl to me and deserve alot better then that. another thing if you let him keep coming back after he cheats then it could get worses i mean he could of done it when your bubba was born and that would be hell of alot harder. i know it hard but be thankful what he has done cause you can think he gave you and your bubba better life cause how would you of felt if he kept doing this all the time cause your bubba would grow up to no it ok to treat people like his dad does. i wish you all the best and you can do it girl! x

[SunWorshiper_26]

You can do it!!

[Cassandrajane]

Thank you everyone...
I know there is alot of upsides to this.. I started going out with friends that I made where I live now.. we saw our christmas lights gt turned on in town and we are shopping next week... so thats good I am getting out now!!:)

Today is the Anniversary of my Peyton-Jane and I cant stop thinking about her.. I know I was ill and it needed to be done, but she was my baby.. and now she isnt! : But I think she is also giving me all this strength cause she loves her mummy and her little brother :). Not her daddy her daddy is a stupid head!

I am at my dads today and trust me they will make sure I eat without fail! They dont wanna see me with tubes down my throat again.

I am soooooo scared about being on my own!, I dont even know what toys to get him... :(... I have EVERYTHING else now :) yay, I just have no clue about Toys.. I dont want him to be like me and plonked in front of the tv 24/7. He needs to learn about touch and stuff. mmy dad said Ink blotches on things on paper on the wall for brain stimulation... that wont go with Giraffes (I got ird of Johns plane Idea!!! Ahahahah)

I am just scared I gues!! :) But I am glad I have you guys! You mean the world to me! :)

xxx

[jessimika]

I had just turned 16 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child and I was big into partying and wasn't sure how or where to find the dad so I raised my son alone. When he was 2 I had my daughter who's father wanted nothing to do with her.. wouldn't even come see her when she was sick and fighting for her life in the hospital(she was born 3 months early and had other medical problems) because he said it interfered with his work and daily sleep requirement so I raised her alone too. I am now due to have my third baby in 2 weeks and his father doesn't want to be around because he says he has to figure his life out so I will most likely be raising this baby alone as well as my 4 and 6 year olds. I know what you mean by being scared because I am also but being a mom is incredible and I'd rather be a mom alone then not at all.

Just thought I'd share my experience and maybe give you more confidence in yourself. It won't always be easy but I promise it will be worth it! If you need to talk to someone who has been a single mom let me know. Good luck!

[kaltiki]

Hi Cass, wow it sounds like you had it really tough recently, i know how hard it can be fighting an eating disorder, I have batteled bullimia for many years now and know the constant pull that mia and ana can have espicicially when we feel times get tough and they seem to offer a controled element in our otherwise slightly crazy lives. It is so important to fight them right now, be strong for your own sake but especially for your family, I know it can feel like the grip is strong sometimes, but use the amazing strength of control you have to allow yourself eat small snacks during the day, choose healthy foods that won't trigger the "guilt complex" so much, i do not know if there are prehaps liquid meal options that your midwife could suggest that you could sip at throughout the day?  
I hope you dont mind me jumping on this thread, but i wanted you to know that if you want to chat or need to just vent about ana then feel free to message me, wishing you all the best
-x-