Opinions appreciated***Not a pregnancy related question

[JennCam]

First off i don't think it's healthy to be "friends" with an ex...i say this bc i have an ex, not my unborns father but before him...he always manages to find me..not stalker like but in a sweep me off my feet, get right on back into my life kinda way.  This guy always brings me problems...how can i tell him nicely, in a mature fashion that i'm nit going to do this weird friend..relationship thing, and that he needs to just F off...he's great in many ways and others a roller.coaster, he is also a divorcee and ALL of his baggage is thrown on me! What would you do...how would you handle this situation? I dont have room.in my brain or the emotional capacity to be thrown in this mix!

[Shirano]

You're welcome sweetie.

[JennCam]

Thats all i need thank you Shirano i can always count on you guys! :)

[Shirano]

You got this and you got us ladies on the forum for support :)

[JennCam]

I think i just need reassurance and a little time to vent ;)

[JennCam]

I was good this last break up i separated myself completely and followed through, but he caught me at a weak, vulnerable time...i just have to do it again, and tell him that this is it...oh yeah he has baggage that brings drama too...it slips on in sneaky like and i feel it now and its gotta be done i hve to be blunt! Besides i have to deal with whatever i have coming with my little baby girl, custody, childsupport\being a mom of two..idk how im going to go about her dad as hes an idiot! So right now its  overwhelming, the ex was trying to be all supportive like telling me what i should do...and bottom line i have to go aboutthis alone...i forget sometimes that those are just my cards right now.  Plus memory lane is closed lol im done with that!!

[Shirano]

Then tell him you don't want his support n the room. You don't want to be friends we have others you would rather spend time with and separate yourself from him. My husband always tells me when it comes to men, especially men who are interested in you, you can't be nice. You have to be very blunt about what you want and then follow through. You don't want to be with him so don't. I think it's wise that you don't want to be friends with your ex because it really just causes drama.

[JennCam]

I have to do something, he asked if i would want him in the delivery room "for support"..and i have been hanging out with him,he wants me to stay the night with him..hehas two kids and i have one, our.kids are  4,6 & 6 & its like always a pretty.picture family thing when i was with him, but he always turns into a doosh, after a steady coupla months.  I wont.lie i made stupid mistakes trying to get over this guy...kinda how i got with current doosh and got pregnant by someone i only knew for 7months. The ex hurt me really bad and im just sick.of making dumb mistakes and i know the right thing is to get this ex gone for good!!!

[Shirano]

Give it to him straight, don't sugar coat it. Guys will take it as hope for a future if you are nice about it. Don't be intentionally rude but lay out the facts and have him back off.

[JennCam]

We have a history, we were together for 2yrs, even got a place together...that was the worst way i spent a year of my life :/, we probably broke up5times in that time!

[JennCam]

I think he will get it, i had many go arounds with this guy...but everytime i did it got me nowhere at all just hurt, i always walked away broken.  I hadnt talked to him for almost a year, i even changed my # but he contacted me.on facebook before o deacitvated my account about 2months ago and i willingly gave him my new #, we talk but it feels all too familiar and i know its wrong :/

[nichole75315]

Be careful  not to come across as playing hard to get... that'd be my fear.  I'd be blunt about it.  Exes are exes for a reason and if by chance he's looking for just friendship he will understand as real friends do.

[JennCam]

Thanks annie thats a perfect solution, it sounds easy enough! :)

[AnnieBrooke]

Just let him know that you don't find him sexually attractive at all (any more).  You might think he is trying to sweep you off your feet as sort of a power thing, but what is probably fueling this activity is an idea on his part that if he does a good enough job he'll get some sex.  I had someone who would call me every now and then, and when it finally penetrated his awareness that I really had no interest in him sexually, he faded away.  (Another male friend was unsurprised by this, and said "Why would he hang around otherwise?"  Hmmph.)  Anyway, don't act friendly, don't act loving, act bored and when he calls just say you have to go in a couple of minutes, and then do so.  The key is not being mean or calling him out but simply the absence of acting welcoming.  Bored politeness and cutting out as fast as possible on the conversation, with NO apparent personal interest.

Good luck.