Need advice..Kind of personal.

[BTS1022]

I'm going through a much needed divorce, it should be final in September when I get my divorce decree. The DF and I are living here in Iowa as of now, but as soon as my divorce is final I am wanting to move back home to Michigan. However moving costs a lot of money these days, especially when moving out of state. I don't know what would be best for my family at this point. Do I stay in Iowa where I have no friends or family and wait to move back home after the baby is born (in December) or should I just pack up and move home once my divorce is final?

I have friends and family in Michigan of course, plus a wonderful doctor who delivered 2 of my boys, and who would be delivering this baby as well if I moved before I gave birth. I literally have no friends or family in Iowa, it's full of the ex husbands family and friends, so the DF and I are just winging it right now. The doctor I am using makes me feel uncomfortable in every way. He seems to eager to do self breast exams, and is joyous when doing a pap, and it's just creepy to me, he seems to try and have a sweet and caring personality, and my doctor in MI has the same crude humor as I do, and I just feel much more comfortable with him delivering me, but can I base my decision just on doctors alone?

I'm not sure what to do, and i'm not even sure where to begin when it comes to deciding whether to stay or to move.

[BTS1022]

No, the ex husband is the father of my other 2 children ages 4 and 2. The father of this baby I am currently with and have been for quite a while. I haven't really made my decision yet, it's exhausting to even think about at this point. Raising 3 kids, being pregnant, and not having much as far as income goes. I do get child support, but thats not going to pay the finances of moving.

Uhg...I want to move home, it just all feels like a load of work, both physically and emotionally. I have a good support system here with my boyfriend but, it's not the same as being with my friends and family. I'm young 25, and have moved a TON...my ex husband is ex military, and we always had the moves paid for by the Army....not so much now. I also feel extremely guilty moving home because my boyfriend is also very far from his family, as he is from Maine, but the last time I moved to a different state away from friends and family for a man, I got screwed over really bad...hence my divorce. I was left with 3 kids, no money, no food, no childcare and no job as I was a stay at home mom for the entire 6 yr marriage. I have financially managed on my own, got a new place for the kids, car and so forth so I am doing fairly well for my age and considering where I started off.

Uhg...I wish some decisions in life were like deciding to have kids or not...which was easy for me lol.

[ammanda]

I suggest you move back now, like all the other ladies said, you need support, and being all alone isnt good for you. And I agree about finding a new doctor, thats not right, if you feel anything isnt right for your doctor to be doing, then you should find a new one.  Im from Michigan, and I never really searched for a doctor, I just picked one really quick, and i was amazed at how much I liked him in the delievery room, but at  my appointments and stuff I was always irritated with him.  but he proved me that he was an amazing doctor when it came down to it.  But anyway, me and my ex fiancee, my sons father broke up when My son was 4 weeks old,. so I had to move back to my moms house. and it was not easy at all.  I couldnt bring much stuff at once cause the car was always full of the carseat and his bags that he needed, or id have to sto[ and feed him and change him.  and it didnt get any easier when we got here to take care of stuff and figure it out.  I def think you should move before that baby comes. It will be best for you and the baby.  My baby is now 7 weeks old and now the ex is moving in with me. lol. I think its funny. well kinda its really exhausting, we have moved 4 times in a year and half. its getting old lol.. Good luck to you, and sorry to hear about your divorce. is the guy your divorcing the babies father?  It was so hard to go through the breakup with my sons father,and although hes moving in, were still not together were doing it for our son, and im still so in love with him so its very hard for me to see him all day everyday.

[DoulaSummer]

I suggest you move home!  It is so important to have a support system around you.  Who will watch the boys while you are in the hospital?  I agree its WAY easier to move while pregnant than with a newborn.  We moved into a new house when I was 7 months pregnant and then moved out of state when my son was 2 months old.  Trust me, WAY easier to move while pregnant (and I was on bedrest).  I would save money from buying baby furniture until you get back to MI to save yourself from moving more stuff!

Is there a way your OB from Michigan would take over your care until you move?  Maybe he could set it up with a clinic in the area for them to take your vitals, do blood work, monitor baby, etc and send the information back to him.  If this is not possible, you need to switch your care provider where you are.  There is NO reason for multiple breast exams and cervical checks.  He is only introducing more bacteria into your vaginal cavity!  You have the right and should refuse any procedures you are not comfortable with.  I would NOT go back to him.

[trying43]

Its a lot better when you have support, definately move.  I have some friends that moved to my area and I am their only friend here and they have a child.  I see them struggle all the time with lack of family.  I help out when I can  but its hard.  Good luck to you.

[waitn838]

i think you should move home to your family and friends....you are going to need the support and comfort...is there any way you can put some stuff in storage and go back for it at a later date

i have moved out of state 2x in the last 2 years and i know its expensive....i have finangled every short cut i could and when i had to move back to pa in a quick hurry (my dads health was in jeopardy) i moved my stuff to storage until my family could go back and help me move it....just a suggestion

moving is never fun but neither is divorce....best of luck to you through this

[Brittny27]

If it was me and money wasn't a factor for the move. I would move back to Michigan where my family and friends were. The Dr wouldn't be a deciding factor because I'm sure you could find a new Dr. in Iowa if you are really that uncomfortable with your current Dr. I know I would be searching for a new Dr. if it was me and felt that uncomfortable. Although if you moved it would be an added bonus to being back home and having a Dr that you trust and enjoy seeing.

You need to decide whats most important. Being around your family and friends in a time that you need there support the most. You could wait and move with a new born which I would think would be harder to do then while pregnant. I am moving at the end of July being 35 weeks which I think will be better then moving with a new born.

It's a tough decision and even with a bunch of recommendations and advice from others it's ultimately up to you on what you feel most comfortable doing.  

[weirdo1989]

I think you should move, not only because of the "creepy" doctor, but because right now you need a support network. Go back to Michigan where you can get that support. Good luck.