Aa
No SEX while pregnant...and no SEX now that I'm not! Ladies I need you.
1st off let me just say that this is a very embarrassing topic for me. I've been holding this frustration in for too long and if I dont vent I'm going to explode:
Lord knows I love my mother and Id tell her anything under the sun..but lets be honest do you really feel comfortable talking to your mom about your sex life with your husband. Ive tried to bring it up to her but I change my mind at the last minute. Its hard talking to my cousins and my friends about it b/c I dont want to embarrass him nor do I really want them in our business like that.
Chancellor was a planned pregnancy. We bought the ovulation kit waited for it to peak and got pregnant on the 1st try. After the 1st OB apptmnt doc told hubby that sex is ok as long as there are no complications. We got pregnant Sept 24th 2007 (remember it like it was yesterday). Both of our bdays are n Oct. we made love then....after that things STOPPED. Not slowed down, but stopped. He was so worried about the pregnancy that I just gave up and went the rest of the 8mnths cold turkey.
In all that time I thought about the course of our relationship and courtship. We stayed friends a long time before I even looked at him as someone who I could be interested in. When we did began to date we had a wonderful friendship and longing for eachother. You ladies probably wont believe me when I say this, but the 1st time I made love to my husband we were engaged and I had a ring on my finger. I just thought I had one of the last nice guys left in the world, and he could lay in the same bed with me and not lay a hand on me and Id feel safe.
A bit of personal information on myself: when my husband met me I was an exotic dancer (no shame in that by the way) he'd come to my job to see me all the time but I NEVER danced for him. He was always that 1 customer who wanted to talk so I grew to have respect for him.
By the time we were engaged going through our pre-marital counseling the pastor asked us to not make sex part of our immediate lives and thrive off the things that made us decide to get married from the get go. Needless to say the 8mnths we spent planning the wedding were sex FREE. This was harder for me then it was for him...yet I never put the pieces together. I should have saw the signs then.
After Chance was born in June 08 tubes were tied in July...hell a week later I was ready to get the bedroom popping. Sh*t it had been long enough and at this point I NEEDED my husband. Ladies he couldnt perform. Now I'm thinking its me. I feel rejected and hurt and I was blaming me thinking it was the 13lbs that stuck around after the baby came and now he must not be attracted to me anymore. Truth is im still in a size 11 in the JUNIORS section.
Now the baby is 9mnths old and nothing has happened. Ive tried every FREAKY trick in the book and nothing! Ive even pulled out my old dancer bag threw on some customs, lit some candles, got baby-oiled up, put my thigh-hi boots on...hell I looked so good I wanted to touch myself (SMILE)...still he didnt.
So I asked, baby; do you need to visit the doctor. He embarrassingly said yes. OK, girls I didnt make a big deal out of it b/c these things happen. He's 40 its time for his prostate to be checked, maybe his blood pressure is high. I'm making several excuses for him so I dont feel so terrible.
Long story short. Ive made 3 apptmnts for him and he's neglected to go to all of them. Now its no longer an option, he has to go or he has to move out. Theres a 10yr age difference in us Im 29 he's 39. I dont know whats happening to us.
Ive started communicating with my ex (dont jump my sh*t ladies, I know I'm wrong) and this is a man who I have deep feelings for and an even deeper attraction to. The thought has crossed my mind to spend 1NIGHT with this man just so I can have AMY taken care of. I cant do it tho! I love my husband I just think right now he's being a selfish a**hole and he's pushing me into a corner thats going to hurt our marriage, and we may not be able to recover.
Ladies Ive screamed at him, cried WITH him, begged him, talked to him...how do I get my man to see that his pride is about to push me right out the door?? Even been to the "grown-up" store to get some special needs items but its not the same as having your man show you what you mean to him. To tell you guys the truth it hurts! I'm crying as I'm typing this b/c in my lap lay my cellphone with a text message from the EX saying "he'll never know."
Has any1 been here before?
How do I save my marraige without compromising my womanhood?
Sincerely,
Trying hard to be that "Praying Wife", while temptation haunts me!
Sorry its sooo long!
Lord knows I love my mother and Id tell her anything under the sun..but lets be honest do you really feel comfortable talking to your mom about your sex life with your husband. Ive tried to bring it up to her but I change my mind at the last minute. Its hard talking to my cousins and my friends about it b/c I dont want to embarrass him nor do I really want them in our business like that.
Chancellor was a planned pregnancy. We bought the ovulation kit waited for it to peak and got pregnant on the 1st try. After the 1st OB apptmnt doc told hubby that sex is ok as long as there are no complications. We got pregnant Sept 24th 2007 (remember it like it was yesterday). Both of our bdays are n Oct. we made love then....after that things STOPPED. Not slowed down, but stopped. He was so worried about the pregnancy that I just gave up and went the rest of the 8mnths cold turkey.
In all that time I thought about the course of our relationship and courtship. We stayed friends a long time before I even looked at him as someone who I could be interested in. When we did began to date we had a wonderful friendship and longing for eachother. You ladies probably wont believe me when I say this, but the 1st time I made love to my husband we were engaged and I had a ring on my finger. I just thought I had one of the last nice guys left in the world, and he could lay in the same bed with me and not lay a hand on me and Id feel safe.
A bit of personal information on myself: when my husband met me I was an exotic dancer (no shame in that by the way) he'd come to my job to see me all the time but I NEVER danced for him. He was always that 1 customer who wanted to talk so I grew to have respect for him.
By the time we were engaged going through our pre-marital counseling the pastor asked us to not make sex part of our immediate lives and thrive off the things that made us decide to get married from the get go. Needless to say the 8mnths we spent planning the wedding were sex FREE. This was harder for me then it was for him...yet I never put the pieces together. I should have saw the signs then.
After Chance was born in June 08 tubes were tied in July...hell a week later I was ready to get the bedroom popping. Sh*t it had been long enough and at this point I NEEDED my husband. Ladies he couldnt perform. Now I'm thinking its me. I feel rejected and hurt and I was blaming me thinking it was the 13lbs that stuck around after the baby came and now he must not be attracted to me anymore. Truth is im still in a size 11 in the JUNIORS section.
Now the baby is 9mnths old and nothing has happened. Ive tried every FREAKY trick in the book and nothing! Ive even pulled out my old dancer bag threw on some customs, lit some candles, got baby-oiled up, put my thigh-hi boots on...hell I looked so good I wanted to touch myself (SMILE)...still he didnt.
So I asked, baby; do you need to visit the doctor. He embarrassingly said yes. OK, girls I didnt make a big deal out of it b/c these things happen. He's 40 its time for his prostate to be checked, maybe his blood pressure is high. I'm making several excuses for him so I dont feel so terrible.
Long story short. Ive made 3 apptmnts for him and he's neglected to go to all of them. Now its no longer an option, he has to go or he has to move out. Theres a 10yr age difference in us Im 29 he's 39. I dont know whats happening to us.
Ive started communicating with my ex (dont jump my sh*t ladies, I know I'm wrong) and this is a man who I have deep feelings for and an even deeper attraction to. The thought has crossed my mind to spend 1NIGHT with this man just so I can have AMY taken care of. I cant do it tho! I love my husband I just think right now he's being a selfish a**hole and he's pushing me into a corner thats going to hurt our marriage, and we may not be able to recover.
Ladies Ive screamed at him, cried WITH him, begged him, talked to him...how do I get my man to see that his pride is about to push me right out the door?? Even been to the "grown-up" store to get some special needs items but its not the same as having your man show you what you mean to him. To tell you guys the truth it hurts! I'm crying as I'm typing this b/c in my lap lay my cellphone with a text message from the EX saying "he'll never know."
Has any1 been here before?
How do I save my marraige without compromising my womanhood?
Sincerely,
Trying hard to be that "Praying Wife", while temptation haunts me!
Sorry its sooo long!
Sounds like a very productive visit...hopefully this will be the beginning of something wonderful for you two!
******The Doctor's Visit*******
I could tell when he got up he was extra nervous b/c he was quiet and pacing the house but I just let me have his moment. When he walked in as soon as we got comfortable in the chair they called him back (yall know that doesnt happen very often) so he looked at me like are you coming.
The doc came in and was friendly from the start and asked so whats going on today. Hubby just hung his head and looked at me like this is your chance to speak on my behalf. I said well doc we're, I mean he's experiencing some performance issues and its been going on for a long time. So the doc asked him his age and said well you know the 1st thing we're going to do right??? I just started laughing b/c I already knew he was about to be violated in ways he couldnt imagine. So I stepped out the room and needless to say when I am back he was looking very annoyed. He said see what I have to go thru for love? The doc explained that his prostate did feel a little enlarged but that could be b/c of uneven hormone levels. He said that he would try him on viagra just yet b/c its such an invasive drug and once most men start it they have to continue to use it for erectile function. He believes his testosterone levels are WAY down and have been for some time. Hopefully by Tues we'll have the results back to know if he'll need hormone theropy or if he does actually need the viagra. The doc was so funny he said I'll step out the room and let you get him aroused and we'll see how long it takes and how long he can hold the erection.
I thought the man was joking....he wasnt. Once hubby's friend woke up the doc came back in and was examining it, so it started to immediately. The doc asked what happened....hubby said it's another grown a** man touching me what do you think is wrong. We just all bust out laughing. Then doc turned to me and said what method did you use...I looked at him out the corner of my eye and he said just kidding. But what ever you did just do that tonight b/c it didnt take him anytime.
When he walked out that office and got in the car we laughed like we havent laughed in a long time abt this issue. I know the 1st 5mins of the car ride was none stop giggling. Hubby said I think something was a lil strange with that doc; I think he enjoyed that visit a little too much.
But at least we now have a starting place to get some answers, and I'm grateful to all of you ladies for your help advice and support!
The ex isnt too happy about the talk I had with him lastnight about removing the thought of us being intimate ever again, but he understands I did it for my marriage and agreed to back off so hubby and I can have time to heal!
*******I think I'll write a book**** Ha Ha Ha
I could tell when he got up he was extra nervous b/c he was quiet and pacing the house but I just let me have his moment. When he walked in as soon as we got comfortable in the chair they called him back (yall know that doesnt happen very often) so he looked at me like are you coming.
The doc came in and was friendly from the start and asked so whats going on today. Hubby just hung his head and looked at me like this is your chance to speak on my behalf. I said well doc we're, I mean he's experiencing some performance issues and its been going on for a long time. So the doc asked him his age and said well you know the 1st thing we're going to do right??? I just started laughing b/c I already knew he was about to be violated in ways he couldnt imagine. So I stepped out the room and needless to say when I am back he was looking very annoyed. He said see what I have to go thru for love? The doc explained that his prostate did feel a little enlarged but that could be b/c of uneven hormone levels. He said that he would try him on viagra just yet b/c its such an invasive drug and once most men start it they have to continue to use it for erectile function. He believes his testosterone levels are WAY down and have been for some time. Hopefully by Tues we'll have the results back to know if he'll need hormone theropy or if he does actually need the viagra. The doc was so funny he said I'll step out the room and let you get him aroused and we'll see how long it takes and how long he can hold the erection.
I thought the man was joking....he wasnt. Once hubby's friend woke up the doc came back in and was examining it, so it started to immediately. The doc asked what happened....hubby said it's another grown a** man touching me what do you think is wrong. We just all bust out laughing. Then doc turned to me and said what method did you use...I looked at him out the corner of my eye and he said just kidding. But what ever you did just do that tonight b/c it didnt take him anytime.
When he walked out that office and got in the car we laughed like we havent laughed in a long time abt this issue. I know the 1st 5mins of the car ride was none stop giggling. Hubby said I think something was a lil strange with that doc; I think he enjoyed that visit a little too much.
But at least we now have a starting place to get some answers, and I'm grateful to all of you ladies for your help advice and support!
The ex isnt too happy about the talk I had with him lastnight about removing the thought of us being intimate ever again, but he understands I did it for my marriage and agreed to back off so hubby and I can have time to heal!
*******I think I'll write a book**** Ha Ha Ha
sorry did not mean to over step , i didnt mean am sorry for your kids i see your a good mother , i meant, it would be sad to see your family not make it and them lose a good dad. what you do in your marrage is your thing i was just saying i could never even think of going outside my marrage, i made vows to GOD and my Husband and my kids to, i also have two small boys when i marred my husband now so i know how it is to be a single mom. i wish you all the luch, looks like you have really been throught it , i wish you good health and hope everything works out for ya . sorry didnt meant to up-set you .Barb
I just signed up for medhelp, and Wow! What a story u have girl! I think its great that ur so honest,although i know its so easy to be so honest while typing...not in person :) but i think its good that ur man and u are making a lil improvement! I know that its like (no ones situation is the same as the next) to have a "questionable" past,that...no offense to some of the others comments,but to hear their opinion... leaves u frustrated and angry at their ideals! Face it, its hard to REALLY know someone through message:)
but making an improvement for urself, and for ur marriage is great!
im sorry,if my message sounds scattered,im using my iphone:(
But i wish u well, with u and ur hubby:)
but making an improvement for urself, and for ur marriage is great!
im sorry,if my message sounds scattered,im using my iphone:(
But i wish u well, with u and ur hubby:)
mami:
that's a wonderful question. I've asked him several times and he's always said no...but deep down inside i've never believed he was telling me the truth. I dont know if he's hiding this from me b/c of my past dealing with being raped at such in early age and having to have an abortion b/c basically I was too young to even have a healthy pregnancy. He's attended crisis counseling with me with no problem (18yrs later I still go twice a month) and has heard all the brutal details of my molestation by a family member and I'm thinking maybe this scares him. When we got engaged I made him attend a few sessions b/c yes this will always be a tragic situation in my life that I must heal from and also educate others on.
I'm just glad we're talking honestly about it and he's allowing me to go in and see the doc w/ him. I'm prayerful that all will be revealed and this will be a thing of the past.
I also had the dreaded talk with the ex.....but I'll update on that tomorrow. I wanna spend some snuggle time with hubby before bed. Goodnite ladies.
that's a wonderful question. I've asked him several times and he's always said no...but deep down inside i've never believed he was telling me the truth. I dont know if he's hiding this from me b/c of my past dealing with being raped at such in early age and having to have an abortion b/c basically I was too young to even have a healthy pregnancy. He's attended crisis counseling with me with no problem (18yrs later I still go twice a month) and has heard all the brutal details of my molestation by a family member and I'm thinking maybe this scares him. When we got engaged I made him attend a few sessions b/c yes this will always be a tragic situation in my life that I must heal from and also educate others on.
I'm just glad we're talking honestly about it and he's allowing me to go in and see the doc w/ him. I'm prayerful that all will be revealed and this will be a thing of the past.
I also had the dreaded talk with the ex.....but I'll update on that tomorrow. I wanna spend some snuggle time with hubby before bed. Goodnite ladies.
Wow, that is truly a story. I felt like I was reading a book. I don't doubt love exists, I just wonder if maybe he's grown up thinking that sex is just for procreation purposes. That is why sex was fine when you were both trying to conceive but non-existent before the marriage and now after the baby. Was he abused when he was younger? This could lead to a lot of sexual dysfunction in adult life. I'm sure it may be a physical thing but perhaps there are some other factors here. Just trying to give you another perspective. I really hope things are able to be worked out. You both sound like you would do well with some family counseling as well. Just to work out some of these issues. It's good though that there is open communication here and you can get some help on Friday.
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