OT: a little frustrated

[jdlk]

My husband is slowly caving on starting to have children but.... he says that we will be poor and using "we will not be able to go on trips" and **** like that against me.... we don't go on trips as it is!!  And we are not poor!!  we make very good money - both of us!!!  I just don't know what to say to him any more....I think he is more scared than anything.... aaaaahhhhhhh......

[mami1323]

Haha...yeah.  I didn't want people going nuts on me for thinking I was cheating with a married man...lol.  

[Michele, Katy, TX]

How funny..... *Smile* I caught that but figured that was what you meant :)

[mami1323]

That didn't sound right, I meant he had already been married, not he was already married.  It sounded like I was having an affair with him...geesh.  It's just too hot, my brain is fried.

[mami1323]

Why don't you put it to him that way.  That you are ready and think he would make a fantastic father.  You don't want to force him or try to convince him because what will happen is he will do it to make you happy and the outcome may not be what you want.  You may have a child but he could either love it and think how crazy he was for not wanting a baby or he could resent it and not take part in the parenting.  Then you will be left by yourself with a baby.  But if you are ready to deal with that then I say go for it.  You are 28 now right?  Then give it a year, you will still be young.  I had my first at 30.  Just to let you know, when my fiance and I first met, he was already married and had 2 kids.  He always told me that he didn't want to get married again and that he didn't know if he wanted any more children.  I told him that we shouldn't even go further with the relationship since we wanted different things and it wasn't fair to me.  He told me to just give the relationship a chance...which I did.  After only a short while he wanted to marry me and was talking about trying to get pregnant.  So you never really know how things will turn out.

[jdlk]

thank you ladies.....  It is nice to hear some kind words (especially today).

I think he is really scared....and uses everything else as an excuse.  He would be a fantastic father.......

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I agree with mami.  I think 7.5 years is a long time so I don't think you are rushing either.  It may be time to just have a long serious talk with him and just tell him that if you two want different things in life and are going in 2 totally different directions, then it may be time to maybe reevaluate things in terms of your relationship.  Maybe it will get him to thinking long and hard about what is really important to him.  I'm not a materialistic person at all, so loving money and time is just not something I really understand.  I have 5 kids and I could have 10 more and my husband would be thrilled.  I'm always the one scared when I end up pregnant.  My worry with money is to just make sure that we can pay our bills; not for toys.  That would be my advice would be to put it to him like that.  I have done that with my husband before.  It wasn't about kids, but it was the same conversation; different topic.

I wish you luck.......