OT: a little frustrated

[jdlk]

My husband is slowly caving on starting to have children but.... he says that we will be poor and using "we will not be able to go on trips" and **** like that against me.... we don't go on trips as it is!!  And we are not poor!!  we make very good money - both of us!!!  I just don't know what to say to him any more....I think he is more scared than anything.... aaaaahhhhhhh......

[jdlk]

I've tried that - and he told me to think about getting off birth control in a year.....  I told him last night that I will not force it on him, but the way that it sounded the last month - was that he was starting to think about having a family....  I guess I was wrong.

I am emotionally hurt by what he had said last night.  It was tough to hear him say he does not want to have kids right now - and to tell me that I'm rushing into it....  I'm not - I'm just ready.  

I will finish my perscription of BC in september and that is it..... it is my decision.

[Mumita]

You can't force the man to start having kids, but you can get him used to the idea.  Atleast my husband at first was very like yours and he asked me for some time and more time etc.  Then I decided to stop the BC I gave him a date when I would stop using BC and I told him that I wasn't going to avoid getting pregnant but that I wasn't going to plan on getting pregnant (to get him used to the idea) and that if he wants to avoid me getting pregnant then he would have to figgure out BC.  So then he was like "well you'll get pregnant when you do, lets just not force it"  last month I got pregnant and he was happy that I got pregnant.  He did not want to deal with having to use condoms, withdrawal or not have sex so he accepted it.  
The thought of having a kid when you are having a good time in your life is frightening and I understand that about my husband but he also loves me and he wants to have a family with me so we will learn to deal with whatever life brings to us.
Try that.

[jdlk]

well.... last night didn't go so well - we ended up in a big fight and he thinks I'm rushing into things.....  as stated earlier, he confirmed that he is loving his time and money right now.  I am emotionally drained - I have nothing left in me.

[mami1323]

That's a really long time and him saying that he loves his money and will be poor is simply that...an excuse.  It's really up to you to decide what's most important to you.  If you want a baby and he doesn't then maybe he isn't the one for you.  You want different things in life and you will always feel like you are missing out on something that you truly want if you stay with him.  Plus, you will eventually resent him and so this relationship may never work.  I really do hope he changes his mind but you may have to come to the realization that he might never want what you want.

[jdlk]

we've been together for 7.5 years and he wants kids - but right now says he loves his money.....  and that we will be poor.... which we won't be....  i am just getting excuses and am now really upset about the entire situation.....

[mami1323]

Well money, if you have it, won't fly right out of the window.  Granted it is expensive but if you both make a good amount of money then it shouldn't really be that much of an issue.  Were you aware of him not wanting children when you first got together?  Because if he's always told you that he never wanted children then really you shouldn't be that surprised that he doesn't want any.  You don't have to wait if you really want one but it won't be from him if he doesn't want children.