Religious Woman keeping Miscarried baby

[Jary08]

I wonder if anyone on here has heard about it?

On a forum im a member of, someone posted a thread on a woman who had had a miscarriage and kept the baby. Sorry i dont have the link but it showed pictures of her with the baby and her chilren holding it....i think the baby was about 4/5 months gestational age.

Basically, everyone was saying how disgusting and sick it was and thought it funny that they had put a little hat on the babys head. Now i know the woman will need professional help as she sounds very upset by this and i completely understand, as will some of you on here, but i couldnt believe how some commenters were being so horrible about it. It seemed no-one understood tht this would have been a very traumatic time for her.

I just wondered what you ladies think of it...if i find the link again ill post it.

[LauraB78]

I haven't heard about it, but I honestly think it is quite disturbing if it is true.

[Jary08]

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=110672121


Found the link, have a look, tho i must say it is sad to see the pictures of the baby

[loismwallace]

Saying your peace and saying good by is one thing. Wanting to hang onto those last few moments. But to actually keep the baby. I don't know. Sounds a lil' disturbing to me as well.

[loismwallace]

The comments made by A LOT of the posters in that blog were just down right nasty. Those people should be hung out....I have to say though....I personally don't think those children should have been subjected to that. No matter what religion. They are much too young to understand.......

[LauraB78]

I CANNOT believe this is true??

If it is, that lady is crazy. And those kids should NEVER have been exposed to that.. I am disturbed... Deeply...

[Avanaar]

I didn't hear about it, but I know many women who have late miscarriages 'keep' their babies ...take pictures, have a funeral, etc.  

As for putting a hat on the baby, because it's so small, it was probably meant to help it look not so itty bitty and more like a full-term baby.  Taking pictures with their child is a way for them to memorialize and remember the child they lost.  Post-mortem photography is a fairly old practice ...I remember first hearing about it in the movie "The Others" and I looked it up now at Wikipedia (http://en. wikipedia. org/wiki/Post-mortem_photography) and I also found a woman's post about photographs she took of her mother (http://www. 100eyes .org/wordpress/?p=9).  One thing she said struck me as one of those 'double standard' type deals:

"All this brings me to Annie Leibovitz, who was criticized by Susan Sontag’s son in Time Magazine, accusing her of turning Sontag’s death into a “carnival. ” Why is it that photographers who photograph their loved ones dying are criticized for being exploitative yet war photographers who routinely show those fallen in combat are given Pulitzer Prizes?"

I think most of the negative responses towards this woman and her family's behavior is because of the fear and negativity placed around death.  No one likes to stare death in the face ...especially when it's of a young child.  But the sad fact of this world is that everything and everyone dies.  It's nothing to be afraid of or disgusted by ... it's just something that happens.

I do feel sorry for this family and the loss of their child.  But I'm not going to berate them for doing what they thought would honor the memory of the child they lost.  Yes, I'm sure this family needs grief counseling, but I don't think they're 'psycho' or 'disturbed' people.

[Avanaar]

During my little rant there, I didn't get to see the post Jary had with the link.  I truthfully don't know how I feel about having my older children there ...I don't know if I'd put them thru that.  I more than likely would not.  

But if she is very open and communicative with her children about all aspects of life (and death), then to her, this isn't sick and twisted.  It's a way of educating her children about the world and how wonderful and cruel it can be.  

Whenever you're discussing people and their religious beliefs, it's always a very delicate road to travel.  Everyone has their own opinions and thoughts on what they think is the 'right thing to do'.  She may in fact have some psychological issues, but with such little information about her and her family, it's not our place to judge her for the decision she made.

[Jary08]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, the people on that site and the forum i found it on were pretty nasty. I do agreee that theres so far you can go after losing a child. Hopefully she will get help and perhaps she will bury the child somewhere privately? I do hope she can move on though, it could very well pose a health risk if shes keeping a dead baby with her.

A lot of people mentioned the other kids..it perhaps would have been better if they wernt allowed to see the child...they wouldnt really understand what death is about.

I just hope this childs spirit is peacfully resting in the Summerlands.

[Avanaar]

I did a little googling about this story ...one site linked it to the bodybuilding.com one and added this:

"Note: the child is still alive. How long it stayed alive for I do not know.

Apparently according to the woman's religion, she must treat the child like any other normally born baby."

Of course, from still photographs, you can't tell if the baby is alive or dead ...or, truthfully, if it's even a real fetus.  In the age of computers and internet, and in truth, ever since the invention of photography, there's been a lot of fakery and forgery.  I would hate to think there's anyone out there sick enough to fake pictures like this to get attention ...but it takes all kinds.

If this woman truly lost her child ...I hope she gets the help she needs and can find peace.

[Want2BeMama]

omg!! THAT IS JUST INSANE!!! why would she do such a thing???? thas very disturbing...poor baby :(

[loismwallace]

I'm definately not judging her for her actions, but I definately do not agree with her actions. Most religions believe that the soul leaves the body when we die. I would be curious to know what religion she is that encourages her to keep the body.

[loismwallace]

Did you happen to see what religion she is? I'm very curious! I love reading about different cultures and such...

[Avanaar]

Neither of the places I found the pictures/story mentioned what religion she was ...just that she was "religious".  I'm the same way when it comes to learning about different religions or cultures ...even tho I may not agree with their beliefs, I still like to learn about it.

[tarrah87]

ok that is a little disturbing but sad baby must be younger than 4/5 months bc i had twins at 21 weeks and they were quite a bit bigger than that..... that's very sad but i due believe she needs some help.

[Mumita]

Well call me crazy but I don't think its THAT bad as you guys are making it seem.  The baby lived for a short period of time after she miscarried, its not like she's going to flush the live baby down the toilet, or save it in a jar like in a science classroom. she as many would probably want to do is give the baby some confort on the few breaths that the baby will have outside of the womb.
Sorry if i'm being to crass but she is grieving the only way she wants to grieve on the loss of a child.  She probably put the hat on so it wouldn't get soooo cold on its last moments. These things don't affect your life so don't judge, I'm sure that other people will think that some things that you choose to do are as weird and disturbing.
I wouldn't want to have my other children there but she chose to let them meet their sibling for a few moments.

[KellyA74]

Regardless of the ethical and moral issues of this......Where is she from?  This isn't legal in the states....You can't keep a dead person in your home.

[Jary08]

I wish it would say what religion she was from too, but i think the need to keep the baby is due more to her loss and grief than anything else.


And keeping a dead person in your home is illegal in America? what about the day before a funeral? doesnt the coffin come home before its buried?

[KellyA74]

It stays at a funeral home or in the hospital.

[LittleBit310]

I did not see anything in there that said that she took the baby home. What I did see was a very upset mom saying goodbye to a baby. I aunt had several mc at about 5/6 months just like that lady and she held the the baby and counted the fingers and toes and she is just fine today with two healthy children. That was how she said goodbye to the angel that went back home.

[Jary08]

Really? in England we have the body at home before the funeral...i think you can opt to have it in the funeral home...im not sure, but when my grandad died he came home one last time.

[sadiesmommy]

My sister had a miscarriage at 23 weeks. both her and her husband held the baby afterwards and she asked the hospital to take pictures. They also had a private funeral just her and her husband and daughter. I don't think anyone can pretend to know what they would do unless they are facing that very situation.

[BTS1022]

I remember seeing this a few months back, when I was looking for pics on 24w fetus'. Im a religious person...not entirely but I do have beliefs. I can understand to a point where she is coming from, but then again....It seems a bit offish to me.

I lost a daughter 6 years ago to a genetic disorder. I delivered her at 34 weeks, and she passed away 30 min after birth. Now I did have to bring her home for a night, because the cemetery we were having her buried at was A) Out of state and B) on a family plot. I couldn't afford to have her transported by hurse or funeral home, so we had to bring her home for a night, and my father transported her to the lot.

One thing is for sure though, I didn't once look in her casket, or take her out while she was home. I did however let her spend the night *in her casket* in her crib and bedroom.

I couldnt see taking a deceased baby home in the form that this lady did, maybe she was under the same circumstances but decided to take the infant out of his/her casket.

[peekawho]

I'm going to say that this is something I see very often in my line of work.  That looks like a 18 or so week gestation baby who's mother and family are grieving.  We often dress the baby, put very similar types of hats on, and do anything else we can to soften the unbearable grief of losing a baby.  We take pictures for the family.

Many times, parents choose to have the siblings hold the baby.  It is right for some families, not right for others.

I did not see anywhere where they said she planned on taking the baby home.  

[BTS1022]

Peek

If you look at the pics, some do look like she is indeed in her home. Either that or the hospital is very very homish lol.