Aa
This isn't going to make me popular....
I know this is going to upset a lot of you fantastic women on this board that are ttc. I had posted 2 weeks ago unsure what to do b/c of my situation...
I am 29 years old (until tomorrow..the big 3-0) and I am soo stressed out. My (ex) and I cannot have a conversation without screaming. He is so mean to me that I am starting to wonder if keeping this baby ( I am 8 weeks) is the right decision. This poor child will be brought into a world w/ parents whom are not only living totally seperately, but cannot stand each other. I have very little money, and this baby means I would have to find a place of my own. I currently have room mates and live in a super expensive area of the world and DOUBT I could continue living here. I have no family anywhere nearby, and even if they were, none are in a position to assist me.. I have NO idea what to do. I am totally stressed out. I need advice.
I have heard of programs to help single mother's and many are NOT available here. I LOVE my job and I love where I live. Having this baby means my lifestyle will totally take a downfall and I will lose my job, my demographic (so to speak) and everything semi-stable I do have. I am not a selfish person, but I honestly am doubting me decision. I know no one else can make it for me, but I am feeling helpless and lost... I swear I am not usually such a whiner but I have never been so depressed and lonely in all my life.
PLEASE ADVISE!!
I am 29 years old (until tomorrow..the big 3-0) and I am soo stressed out. My (ex) and I cannot have a conversation without screaming. He is so mean to me that I am starting to wonder if keeping this baby ( I am 8 weeks) is the right decision. This poor child will be brought into a world w/ parents whom are not only living totally seperately, but cannot stand each other. I have very little money, and this baby means I would have to find a place of my own. I currently have room mates and live in a super expensive area of the world and DOUBT I could continue living here. I have no family anywhere nearby, and even if they were, none are in a position to assist me.. I have NO idea what to do. I am totally stressed out. I need advice.
I have heard of programs to help single mother's and many are NOT available here. I LOVE my job and I love where I live. Having this baby means my lifestyle will totally take a downfall and I will lose my job, my demographic (so to speak) and everything semi-stable I do have. I am not a selfish person, but I honestly am doubting me decision. I know no one else can make it for me, but I am feeling helpless and lost... I swear I am not usually such a whiner but I have never been so depressed and lonely in all my life.
PLEASE ADVISE!!
Halleluyah on your comment regarding our f@#*ed up society. I work.. I work hard, I have 2 jobs, and I still cannot figure out how I am going to make ends meet, especially when I have this little one..
We need reform in this government, but that's a WHOLE OTHER TOPIC AND BOARD! =)
I COULD GO ON AND ON FOR DAYS.
Just had to comment on..
"Isnt it crazy how you can be a hard working individual and still not be able to survive...man is our society screwed up."
Laura
We need reform in this government, but that's a WHOLE OTHER TOPIC AND BOARD! =)
I COULD GO ON AND ON FOR DAYS.
Just had to comment on..
"Isnt it crazy how you can be a hard working individual and still not be able to survive...man is our society screwed up."
Laura
Isnt it crazy how you can be a hard working individual and still not be able to survive...man is our society screwed up. It sounds like you do want to keep the baby but just dont know how you are going to survive and keep yourself and baby afloat. The courts will make "daddy" pay and if he cant pay on time I think they will even remove it from his pay check. I would feel very uncomofortable about shared custody until he proves himself as a dad, but as an above poster stated they cant get that until the child is 2.
Day care is crazy expensive, but at home day cares are cheaper. It will be tough for you but I see so many people do it....I just dont know how they do! I am married, but I also have a huge family support. My mom watches my son so we dont have to pay for daycare. Which we could afford it, but we would have to down scale our life.
Good luck, you will find a way!
Day care is crazy expensive, but at home day cares are cheaper. It will be tough for you but I see so many people do it....I just dont know how they do! I am married, but I also have a huge family support. My mom watches my son so we dont have to pay for daycare. Which we could afford it, but we would have to down scale our life.
Good luck, you will find a way!
I didn't have time to read all posts, but is there anyone in your family who could possibly take custody of the child? Therefore, you could still be in its life, yet the burden of sole responsibility would be off your shoulders? You would essentially give up parental rights (meaning you have no legal right to make ANY decisions regarding the baby), but at least it would be alive and you could still see it.
Just a suggestion. I agree with LosingmymindinGA. Counseling would be beneficial at this point because the longer you wait the bigger the baby gets, and the harder the decision will be. Personally, I would opt for adoption. If the hubby won't allow it, then let him take care of the baby by himself.
Just a suggestion. I agree with LosingmymindinGA. Counseling would be beneficial at this point because the longer you wait the bigger the baby gets, and the harder the decision will be. Personally, I would opt for adoption. If the hubby won't allow it, then let him take care of the baby by himself.
I appreciate ALL the advice and ALL the opinions. I feel like somehow I have started a conflict here and that definitely was not my intention.
I am also pro-choice. I always have been.. But this is MY body now and MY baby, and abortion doesn't "feel" right for ME. I will never judge another woman for any decision she makes with her body. ( well, unless abortion is done as a form of "birth control"...like repeatedly.. I DO have a problem with that!)
SO... I appreciate all the adoption (not an option) abortion (not an option), and keeping the baby advice (this is what I want to do in my heart of hearts, I just don't know HOW).
My ex is actually a highly intelligent man. He has his own issues from his upbringing and always thought that when it was his turn to be a parent, he would do it the "right" way. We both always envisioned being in a happy & stable marriage prior to thinking about children.. This was unplanned. We were both under the impression that conception was impossible while a woman was menstrating, and this is untrue.. Although unlikely, it DOES happen. This is how our child was conceived.
I have called WIC and left several messages with no return call. I do not qualify for MA health b/c I have health insurance through work. Unfortunately it's a CRAPPY HMO and if coverage is offered through your employer here in MA, you are automatically ineligible for state assistance. I have filled out applications for "low income" housing here, and that rent is still over $1,000. per month for a studio... which I likely couldn't afford. My ex owns a small seasonal business and that is it. He is semi-retired from a government job and I assure you, he will hide all of that money prior to this childs arrival. He has always had a problem paying for things. He has A LOT more than I do, and when we were dating, oftentimes he would want to split bills.. This is just how he is.. I have NO idea about getting an attorney involved and such, I guess I was hoping I wouldn't have to, but he is saying he wants 50% custody, so I guess that would mean he wouldn't actually have to pay child support if he virtually no longer has an income? I have no idea.
I know it will all work out somehow, but in the meantime, I am incredibly stressed and lonely and find that I am becoming addicted to this board. Thank you so much for advice and please keep it coming.
XO
Laura
I am also pro-choice. I always have been.. But this is MY body now and MY baby, and abortion doesn't "feel" right for ME. I will never judge another woman for any decision she makes with her body. ( well, unless abortion is done as a form of "birth control"...like repeatedly.. I DO have a problem with that!)
SO... I appreciate all the adoption (not an option) abortion (not an option), and keeping the baby advice (this is what I want to do in my heart of hearts, I just don't know HOW).
My ex is actually a highly intelligent man. He has his own issues from his upbringing and always thought that when it was his turn to be a parent, he would do it the "right" way. We both always envisioned being in a happy & stable marriage prior to thinking about children.. This was unplanned. We were both under the impression that conception was impossible while a woman was menstrating, and this is untrue.. Although unlikely, it DOES happen. This is how our child was conceived.
I have called WIC and left several messages with no return call. I do not qualify for MA health b/c I have health insurance through work. Unfortunately it's a CRAPPY HMO and if coverage is offered through your employer here in MA, you are automatically ineligible for state assistance. I have filled out applications for "low income" housing here, and that rent is still over $1,000. per month for a studio... which I likely couldn't afford. My ex owns a small seasonal business and that is it. He is semi-retired from a government job and I assure you, he will hide all of that money prior to this childs arrival. He has always had a problem paying for things. He has A LOT more than I do, and when we were dating, oftentimes he would want to split bills.. This is just how he is.. I have NO idea about getting an attorney involved and such, I guess I was hoping I wouldn't have to, but he is saying he wants 50% custody, so I guess that would mean he wouldn't actually have to pay child support if he virtually no longer has an income? I have no idea.
I know it will all work out somehow, but in the meantime, I am incredibly stressed and lonely and find that I am becoming addicted to this board. Thank you so much for advice and please keep it coming.
XO
Laura
I went through the same stuff with my oldests "sperm donor". He swore he wanted to be a good father, yadda yadda yadda. But when I left him (for various reasons including abuse and drug use) he dropped me like hot potato. BUT kept spouting off about wanting to be there for his child. I know you can't REALLY forget about it, I was meaning more along the lines of not taking into consideration his comments etc. I had to get to a point where I made sure my ex knew when and where my appts were and if he showed great if not i didn't expect him to to begin with. The ONLY thing he did was show up at the hospital acting like a complete idiot. And that's the last he saw of his daughter...she'll be 12 next month. I was one month shy of turning 19 when I had her. I lived with my mom who was living on disability. I, too lived in an affluent area with little assistance avaible. I worked and made do with what I COULD get...that being medicaid, Wic and FOOD stamps. After had a previous abortion at 17 there was no question that I wasn't going to keep my daughter. It WILL Be a struggle...but in the end it's definately worth it. I struggled for a few years and eventuallymet my husband. He took my daughter in and has raised her as his own. We've been together (not without problems but we work thru them) for almost 9 years now.
There IS hope and it CAN be done. You just need to learn to believe in yourself.
There IS hope and it CAN be done. You just need to learn to believe in yourself.
I agree 100% with Crysi, DON'T LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT YOUR DECISIONS. Its your life, your body and NO ONE has the right to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. They aren't GOD to tell you whats GOOD or BAD.
You are the only person that can decide what you want to do, and hopefully you will make a decision with no regrets either keeping the baby or not. Both have the potential of having regrets. I don't think its selfish, and I don't think being a mother is necesarilly what we women are put on this world to do. Not everyone needs to be a mother. I wouldn't get pregnant or have a baby if I wasn't 100% secure with my partner. I think that every child deserves a good father and mother. I was raised with split up parents and its not easy, every single day since I was 7 years old I wanted both of my parents together and it did hurt growing up not seeing my mother every day. You do grow up feeling "abandoned", I do not believe in adoption as I've worked with foster and kids that have been put on adoption, many of them don't get adopted and move from home to home...I would hate myself to put my child through that.
With all of that said (and I will probably not have many people talking to me now in this forum); How will the baby's dad react if you had an abortion, being that he's already reacting like an a$$hole if you do have the baby?
You are the only person that can decide what you want to do, and hopefully you will make a decision with no regrets either keeping the baby or not. Both have the potential of having regrets. I don't think its selfish, and I don't think being a mother is necesarilly what we women are put on this world to do. Not everyone needs to be a mother. I wouldn't get pregnant or have a baby if I wasn't 100% secure with my partner. I think that every child deserves a good father and mother. I was raised with split up parents and its not easy, every single day since I was 7 years old I wanted both of my parents together and it did hurt growing up not seeing my mother every day. You do grow up feeling "abandoned", I do not believe in adoption as I've worked with foster and kids that have been put on adoption, many of them don't get adopted and move from home to home...I would hate myself to put my child through that.
With all of that said (and I will probably not have many people talking to me now in this forum); How will the baby's dad react if you had an abortion, being that he's already reacting like an a$$hole if you do have the baby?
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