Why can't my baby's father take my pregnancy seriously?

[Latsany]

I'm 18 yrs. old & 6 months & I have to move out a month before I graduate. My parents aren't okay with the fact that I'm pregnant. After they had a serious discussion with my boyfriend about our plans to move out & situate our own lives, he confidently assured them he's going to find a place to raise the baby with me and everything was going good from there. However, after he had a talk with his older sister (that he currently lives with), she pretty much broke down his confidence in settling down with me. Scaring him of the commitments & the hardships of fatherhood, renting an apartment, paying bills etc. He no longer seems motivated to find a place or wanting to work. I had to tell him off when he missed work just to stay home & watch over his sister's daughter. I think his sister just wants to prolong his stay under her house because she relies on him to care for her problems & responsibilities. This is really stressful because he needs to get his sh*t together if he wants to make this work out. How do I tell him all of that without sounding dogmatic?

[robnjess]

I'm a 30 year old  female and me and my babys father haves been off and on for this hole pregnacie  I'm nine months now and I want to be alone with him and he still want to hang with his friends and right now I feel depressed and when he got home tonight insted of spending are last days alone togather he falls asleep I'm so upset and no one to talk to its 230 in da morning it is now Sunday and I'm being induced Monday  so now I just want to be alone  WHAT SHOULD I DO ?

[hines2009]

I know where I live most places u don't have to have any credit to rent a place. Just some references. U may have to have someone co-sign for certan bills but ths it. I'm sorry ur havin to go through this. But like a lot of the above posters said ur bf is gonna have to step up to the plate and b a man and tell his sister she is gonna have to back off. And tht if he tries hard enough and does wht he has to do he can raise a family on his own. It sounds to me like she needs to grow up herself and start bein a responsible parent. All I know to do is start lookin for a place now and c whts out there and once u find somethin thts affordable and liveable talk w ur bf and make sure he has enough money saved and if u need to go ahead and get the wic and food stamps and go from there. Good luck with everything :))

[Latsany]

The clock keeps ticking & I indeed must find a place to situate my life *before baby comes.  In my situation, it's crucial. I can't negotiate a "Can I stay a little longer to live here with you guys?" to my folks. I know they'll say no. Asian parents are very strict & they're not really the type to condone with. I'm positive my boyfriend's wage is sustainable enough to rent a place since apartments here in Rhode Island are very affordable (ranging from $400-$500 for a quaint one-bedroom). But everytime he mentions the topic of moving out to his sister, she literally discourages him by telling him stuff like "How are you guys going to rent if you guys have no credit?" "What about utitility bills? Those are going to be a lot on you. Are you sure you can pay all of that?" I easily rebuked that by telling him we can get a find a place that has utilities included, get a co-signer, use his work history, or just simply pay a deposit. In plus, if she's so eager to help (which she's not), she can co-sign for us. I'm sure it's not as difficult as she's exaggerating. I'll settle to file for food stamps since it'll help both of us out but cash assistance... I'll have to think about it. He's coming over tomorrow to discuss matters with my dad. My dad's distressed with the way my baby's father is handling things. He thinks my boyfriend bluffed his way to get a false good impression off my parents. I feel sorry for my parents because I love them & don't want to stress them out. They're old. I'm contemplating if I should tell him to bring his sister over too so my family & I can let her know what's up & that she needs to let my man be a man. Or is that a bad idea?

[Starzabove9]

After all that information you gave about his family, I totally agree that you shouldn't step foot in his sister's house. You have to make sure your in a safe and healthy environment during your pregnancy and after the baby is born. What state do you live in? There are many programs that can help you in your situations. Your doing the right thing by staying away from his family. I suggest you start working on doing these things on your own. You're bf may then come around, if not at least youre going to be able to take care of your child on your own. You have to think like a mom now and do what you got.to do for your.baby. It sounds like thats the way your thinking already. You can do it. Good luck.

[Brittanyad93]

*worry about losing your place and not having what you need to survive!

[Brittanyad93]

First off, good luck with your little one(: Now ... I agree with what you said about the sister situation it sounds like she wants him to stay. BUT I wouldn't rush when it comes to getting a place. He needs to work and y'all need to save up enough money to be secure and not having to w

[Latsany]

If I tell him that, he gets so defensive & evasive to the matter, it's sickening. My parents suggest me to move over there with him & his sister for now. Too bad. That house gives me bad memories- concerning an ugly & traumatic experience I had with my boyfriend that made me never step foot there again. Being there would only depress me & add stress when I definitely don't need it. That's also bad for the baby. I hate his sister. No, I do not want to look after his perverted 7 yr. old niece. She's a brat that watches porn & I don't want to expose that kind of behavior on my son once he starts growing up. His family is all dysfunctional. His sister goes out clubbing a lot, cheats on her husband & swears violently & smokes weed in front of her kid. She's a negative role model & makes a poor excuse as a mother. Her husband is 35 but still thinks he's a gangbanger. I don't even want his family to interfere with my baby because I have a feeling they're going to influence him to go the wrong route. Oh man, filing for welfare is my last resort, but if the case ever has to come to that, then so be it. Thanks guys for your inputs. Appreciate it.

[Starzabove9]

In california you can get Wic and food stamps without filing for child support, but if you want Cash Aid, you must file for child support.

[parkersmommy]

Yeah if you are living together or whateve you don't but if you are living seperately they make you (at least in ohio where I'm from)

[isntsure]

You don't neccessarily have to file for child support to get help from the government. At least not that I know of. I'm in the WIC program and am getting health insurance from the state as well as food stamps and me and my boyfriend are together. u'n sorry to hear that your boyfriends sister did that. That was really manipulative and wrong and Im sorry you have to deal with her. But just tell him how you feel and let him know that you think his sister is just using him. Hopefully he'll be able to see that and if he doesn't then thats too bad for him cause by the time he does realize that he'll have missed out on a lot. Good luck :)

[parkersmommy]

Explain to him the truth! That he is a dad now and this is really happening ready or not. If it were me I would tell him he's going to be paying bills regardless because if he's not living with you you'll be pressing child support. Tell him and his sister that while you're at home with baby until you start working you'd be more than happy to help with watching his neice. If he won't grow up and do what he needs to be doing here are the steps you need to take. Get a proof of pregnancy and file for wic because you are currently living with your parents they will need to write you a letter stating you live with them but are having to move out and that you are responsible for yourself and baby. Then go and look into subsidized housing. Once you get a place there are programs that will help with the cost of utilities and things like that and you'll be able to get food stamps and medical insurance for you and baby and wic provides formula. However if you want assistance from the government they will make you press child support. Good luck!