Aa
After the credits roll
I married a man that i dated in high school. I looked him up and started a relationship with him. I decided to fly out to see him because he is in the military and was stationed in another state. we started dating but i was still in love with my ex. he had been a constant in my life. constant high and low. i married the military man after 6 months and have been married to him for over a year. we have small fights but he is perfect. Im still in love with this other man. who is also in the military. strange coincidence since ive known both of the boys since we were 14. I love my husband and i know my ex is not stable and our relationship would never work. he only wants me now because im married. but i cant stop thinking about him. i know this is only going to end with either my husband or myself or both getting hurt. but i cant stop.
This is less about which man is more suitable to you and your flights of fancy than it is about your real fear. It's not losing one man or the other or picking the right one...your mind tricked you into thinking that.
You have actually developed a very ingenious and sneaky trait of the ego as a defense mechanism in never getting close to anyone so you don't have to get close. You get a bit close with one, then your mind makes up some feeling which tells you the "other" one is more perfect. Your ego is trying to rule the show and keep you unhappy.
It will be an eternal fight. If not these two men, then the next two and the two after that. Your ego likes to keep your mind spinning and not happy. If you were happy, the ego would not have its hold on you. So you create a world of drama and unhappiness, grasping at any straws.
But this is all in your mind, a made up illusion to keep you from the real truth....You are afraid at being vulnerable and hurt and having one of these guys denying your affection and love.
You need to drop the bucket with a made up game of attachment to a long ago love. Live in the moment for God Sake and allow the love in your heart to shine through rather than waiting for some old flame or new flame to validate it. It doesn't work that way.
You're going to be alone for a long time.
Your heart and love are limitless, turn your attentions to that and feel that openness. You create your own world, it doesn't just "happen" to you.
You have actually developed a very ingenious and sneaky trait of the ego as a defense mechanism in never getting close to anyone so you don't have to get close. You get a bit close with one, then your mind makes up some feeling which tells you the "other" one is more perfect. Your ego is trying to rule the show and keep you unhappy.
It will be an eternal fight. If not these two men, then the next two and the two after that. Your ego likes to keep your mind spinning and not happy. If you were happy, the ego would not have its hold on you. So you create a world of drama and unhappiness, grasping at any straws.
But this is all in your mind, a made up illusion to keep you from the real truth....You are afraid at being vulnerable and hurt and having one of these guys denying your affection and love.
You need to drop the bucket with a made up game of attachment to a long ago love. Live in the moment for God Sake and allow the love in your heart to shine through rather than waiting for some old flame or new flame to validate it. It doesn't work that way.
You're going to be alone for a long time.
Your heart and love are limitless, turn your attentions to that and feel that openness. You create your own world, it doesn't just "happen" to you.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Tink is right. Replace the thoughts and remember, you are romanticizing a fantasy. I think placing firmly in your mind that being with your ex would not be great and isn't a possibility helps distance yourself from it and then throw yourself into your marriage. good luck
It's really quite simple:
E V E R Y time You even S T A R T to think about the ex, I M M E D I A T E L Y replace it with a nice thought about Your "perfect" Husband
E V E R Y time You even S T A R T to think about the ex, I M M E D I A T E L Y replace it with a nice thought about Your "perfect" Husband
Do you work and/or have hobbies to keep you busy? That would keep your mind occupied with something constructive.
I realize what im doing is wrong. But the thing is what im doing is thinking. Im not acting. I do not want to act on these feelings. I want my mind to stop i just dont know how. I can sit here and tell you all the amazing things about my husband and what a jerk my ex is, but then there are things that have happened in my marriage that i feel has made me look back at my ex. I need to fix my marriage i just dont know how to make myself stop thinking
Agree with Tink.
If you are struggling with this on a daily basis then you should probably consult a professional therapist to get you through this. You need to figure out WHY you are pining for an ex who just wants you because you are married and who you know is "unstable" and obviously is no good for you. This says a lot about you.
If you are struggling with this on a daily basis then you should probably consult a professional therapist to get you through this. You need to figure out WHY you are pining for an ex who just wants you because you are married and who you know is "unstable" and obviously is no good for you. This says a lot about you.
Hi also, what i would do in your case is try to understand what these feelings you have for your ex are. You use the word "love" but please explain in detail what you mean by this, as understanding your feelings and what they consist of is key to answering your question. Like for example, do you want to get back with your ex and leave your husband because of unresolved issue as having unresolved issue could be construde as feeling of love.
Yes You Can Too Stop.
L E A R N to Love the One You're With.
You speak highly of Him..... and not so much Your ex
(Husband is "perfect", ex is not "stable" and "our relationship would never work")
Every time You have a thought about the ex, Replace It With A Nice Thought About Your Husband
You can do this; I Know You Can
Love IS and SHOULD be more practical than We care to think. It's much easier to Love a Good Man than it is to Love a Man who's a dog. Count Your Blessings
GoodLuck
L E A R N to Love the One You're With.
You speak highly of Him..... and not so much Your ex
(Husband is "perfect", ex is not "stable" and "our relationship would never work")
Every time You have a thought about the ex, Replace It With A Nice Thought About Your Husband
You can do this; I Know You Can
Love IS and SHOULD be more practical than We care to think. It's much easier to Love a Good Man than it is to Love a Man who's a dog. Count Your Blessings
GoodLuck
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You're contributing to this stereotype by doing exactly that, wanting to leave a nice guy for a jerk. How could you be so short sided and blind to think that being with the jerk is the better option? Not only that but you are ruining it for those of us who actually do have standards and want nice guys but can't find them cause they're all turned into jerks to impress women like you. Thanks a lot.
Anyway, if you don't want your nice and sweet husband then let him go because I guarantee he will find someone who appreciates him and wants to be with him. I feel bad for him that he is trapped in a marriage with a woman who is pining away for a jerk instead. That was his bad luck but hopefully you will let him go so he can find the right woman that will make him happy and fulfilled.