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At what age is too old for a daughter to kiss her dad on the lips?
I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years now. His daughter is almost 17 years old. She cuddles with him on the couch, kissing on his shoulder, kissing on his arms, rubbing on his stomach. She was lying on the couch with him, she had her head on his lap and he was rubbing her back. She laid there for hours that day. She kisses him on the lips before she goes to bed at night. She runs around the house in her bra and underwear all time. She is even now starting to run upstairs naked while her dad sits on the couch and can clearly see her running upstairs. She says "Daddy" dont look im naked. And yes she still calls him "Daddy", and talks like a baby around him. It drives me crazy when she does this. I have tried talking to my bf about this and he just says she is "Daddy's" little girl and always will be. I feel I always will be second best to her. I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now. I raised one daughter of my own and I have never ever saw anything like this. My bf says it is normal for a daughter to kiss and rub all over her "daddy", I told him no its not normal for a daughter at her age to do this. She even came into his bedroom not too long ago and crawled in bed with us. Laying her head on her daddy's shoulder, then she started kissing it. I got up and left the bedroom. I refuse to sit there while this is going on. I cant take it. It freaks me out.
I am no means jealous here either. trust me on this.
I called my Father "Daddy" till the day He died at age 72 and I ALWAYS kissed Him on the lips. My Daddy and I were always affectionate with one another and my 2 Brothers as well always hugged and kissed our Dad (they didn't call him "Daddy" as I did - their word for him was "Papa") I never ran around the house nude or in my bra and panties but I was taught to be modest and private by Both my Parents. So - some of this sounds okay to me, some of it doesn't
BUT
I would question why are You willing to stay in this relationship if it "creeps You out" ??
AND
I would suggest that if this is the way it has always been between Them You cannot and should not, try to change it. They will both resent Your interference and apparently You will resent Their affection. My opinion here changes if You think there is incest (sexual child abuse) - in that case, You should report it but should still be done with this relationship.
BUT
I would question why are You willing to stay in this relationship if it "creeps You out" ??
AND
I would suggest that if this is the way it has always been between Them You cannot and should not, try to change it. They will both resent Your interference and apparently You will resent Their affection. My opinion here changes if You think there is incest (sexual child abuse) - in that case, You should report it but should still be done with this relationship.
BTW: I still call my dad "daddy" or "papa" and I am well past 17. Nothing disturbing about that in my opinion. To be honest, the baby talk would drive me a bit "nuts." I will never be "too old" not to give my father a kiss on the lips. Don't see a problem with a quick peck on the lips.
Hmmm....normal........normal can mean different things to different people and apparently this behavior is normal for the father and daughter. It definitely wouldn't be "my normal" and it isn't "your normal" as well.
This is not going to change into "your normal" any time soon in my opinion especially since you have talked with your bf about this and he stated his daughter's behavior is how daughters act with their fathers. She had to learn this behavior was ok or "normal" from someone, i.e. the dad.
Your statement....."I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now." Why? That's the beauty of having a bf; it's easier to leave when there are things that aren't "tolerable." This sounds like something you will NEVER accept.
You can't change a person or people into what you would like them to be unless they WANT that. Continue the relationship willing to accept this or move on and find someone closer to your idea of "normalicy" and closer to your views in regards to parenting.
This is coming from a stepmother with 4 stepchildren and accepting differences in parenting and differences in behaviors is not an easy task, but I had to accept this.
Hmmm....normal........normal can mean different things to different people and apparently this behavior is normal for the father and daughter. It definitely wouldn't be "my normal" and it isn't "your normal" as well.
This is not going to change into "your normal" any time soon in my opinion especially since you have talked with your bf about this and he stated his daughter's behavior is how daughters act with their fathers. She had to learn this behavior was ok or "normal" from someone, i.e. the dad.
Your statement....."I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now." Why? That's the beauty of having a bf; it's easier to leave when there are things that aren't "tolerable." This sounds like something you will NEVER accept.
You can't change a person or people into what you would like them to be unless they WANT that. Continue the relationship willing to accept this or move on and find someone closer to your idea of "normalicy" and closer to your views in regards to parenting.
This is coming from a stepmother with 4 stepchildren and accepting differences in parenting and differences in behaviors is not an easy task, but I had to accept this.
Your statement...."I have tried talking to my bf about this and he just says she is "Daddy's" little girl and always will be. I feel I always will be second best to her." Well....your bf has made it perfectly clear that this is how things are going to be. If you are being made to feel like "second best" why stay?
Your statement...."I cant take it. It freaks me out." I don't know about you, but when something is "freaking" me out I am usually running far, far away from the situation, not sticking around.
I will admit some of the things you mentioned in your post are very concerning, i.e. running around naked or running around in her bra/underwear. Sure hope to the heaven's above there is nothing sexual going on, however, you have stated there isn't.
Your statement...."I cant take it. It freaks me out." I don't know about you, but when something is "freaking" me out I am usually running far, far away from the situation, not sticking around.
I will admit some of the things you mentioned in your post are very concerning, i.e. running around naked or running around in her bra/underwear. Sure hope to the heaven's above there is nothing sexual going on, however, you have stated there isn't.
I dont feel there is anything sexual going on. But i just feel its not right they way they lay on the couch together. I feel at her age she should be out dating boys. I mean i understand about daddy's little girl, but hopefully someday she will be out on her own living her own life then what is he going to do??
Maybe I'm the only one here who got really uncomfortable reading your post. What I'm picturing would land high schoolers in our school in Saturday detention for "Public Display of Affection". I'm not even talking about her running around naked and announcing to her father that she's nude and don't look. That one actually made me suck in air. Honestly, I have teenage boys and they don't behave the way you're talking about with their GIRLFRIENDS in my presence - kissing each other on the arms, shoulders, etc.
Sexual behavior is on a continuum, from silly flirting all the way down to copulation. This is about half way there, IMHO.
I was called a "daddy's girl" when I was a child because I had a warm close relationship with my father, we would go fishing together, hiking, we enjoyed each other's company. Maybe my perspective here is different because my family is more formal than most in this thread, I never called him "daddy" after about 3 years old. We have never engaged in anything that looked even mildly flirtatious, and our physical contact is limited to hugs hello and goodbye, and during times of stress or upset I'd sit and hold his hand or he'd stand behind me while I'm seated and rest a hand on my shoulder. That's it.
So I understand that some of these behaviors are more typical than they seem to me, but the naked thing is so far over the top that I don't think I would have been able to hold my tongue. "In this house, we do not walk around naked and try to attract attention to ourselves. If you're in the shower and there's no towel, or you need a robe, please call out and I will bring you one."
If she were 9, I'd be blaming the father. She's nearly 17, and she's the one behaving this way - he's just not stopping it. I don't think she's blameless here at all, and I think when she's much older she'll be embarrassed to remember behaving this way.
But I do realize that others here may see it differently.
Sexual behavior is on a continuum, from silly flirting all the way down to copulation. This is about half way there, IMHO.
I was called a "daddy's girl" when I was a child because I had a warm close relationship with my father, we would go fishing together, hiking, we enjoyed each other's company. Maybe my perspective here is different because my family is more formal than most in this thread, I never called him "daddy" after about 3 years old. We have never engaged in anything that looked even mildly flirtatious, and our physical contact is limited to hugs hello and goodbye, and during times of stress or upset I'd sit and hold his hand or he'd stand behind me while I'm seated and rest a hand on my shoulder. That's it.
So I understand that some of these behaviors are more typical than they seem to me, but the naked thing is so far over the top that I don't think I would have been able to hold my tongue. "In this house, we do not walk around naked and try to attract attention to ourselves. If you're in the shower and there's no towel, or you need a robe, please call out and I will bring you one."
If she were 9, I'd be blaming the father. She's nearly 17, and she's the one behaving this way - he's just not stopping it. I don't think she's blameless here at all, and I think when she's much older she'll be embarrassed to remember behaving this way.
But I do realize that others here may see it differently.
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