Broken heart, healing.

[stilltlrforlife]

Im going through this breakup and I'm applying the no contact thing to heal up, not play any games with my girlfriend. We have a son that I still see and I know eventually Ill have to talk to her, I'm just too hurt to do it now, as seeing her will hurt, but his grandmother watches him in the morning, and I still see my son every chance I get. Its pretty much haw it was when we were together, with the exception of us talking everyday. I really want her to take some time and think about what she is losing and could have with me.
  
       Im 38 she is 27, if that helps, Im really thinking she may not know if its what she wants but I surely do not want to push her away by begging and looking like a fool, not till I can mend my heart. Love isn't a game to me please bare with the long story, I want to give as many details as possible, I got trashed for this on another place. Please dont criticize me too much.

She was distant (we never lived together) for almost two years and I waited for her...stupid, but to me she was very worth the wait, I finally asked her after pouring my heart out to her recently, as we talked everyday. This is the first time we have had no contact, and she told me she didnt want a relationship right now...my God did that hurt...still does but I gotta see my son, I really hope she comes to her senses. I'm honestly a great guy, was that guy who would do anything for a woman, surr I wasnt perfect...but her family and including her knows how good I was. And I'm hoping I get her back. .my son deserves a chance to have a family as he never got it, and I've asked her to move in several times, I even told her since my home is payed for that she could move in and I would take care if everything, if she wanted she can quit her job and stay home with my son.

My point is, I cant ignore my son, and I'm TRYING to be strong when he is here, for a whole week I think I break down at least once a day, and Im tired of it, the no contact is helping me but still not easy, as I miss even texting her everyday, It just ***** when you love someone as much as I do, I've been divorced before, and never felt like this, I have written her some letters on how I feel, but havent given them to her,when I do, Im kind of hoping it will make her realize what she is turning her back on.

She was alway kind of quiet and we never fought for the almost 3 years we spent together (it was alot of time), we were just like best friends and I loved it. Then she started backing off, I asked her about it, and she said in the beginning that her birth control was making her wierd, I knew she was having problems with it, so I figured "ok" as long as its not me as the problem...she said "no not at all", I told her that I loved her enough and I understand.. but longer and longer I waited, and brought it up from time to time...she said we can see eachother soon enough..and it kept going..idk if it was another person by then but, I doubted it, since we talked everyday and my son was with her. (Hard to explain but trust me I highly doubt she was, it just didn't feel that way, or add up) I even asked her in the summer after my dad died, and she said she still feels for me like she did.

Then in November I really started to tell her how I felt and was just wanting this to just end an be together pouring my heart out little by litte, and thats when she hit me with the sharp dagger to my love filled heart, I said what I had to say and cut off contact, and it has been hard, I wish she would come back..but it may be a lost cause, Im not giving up hope. 

I asked her for my house key back through her mother while I heal, and told her mom I had a letter for her last week, Idk if im ready to give it to her yet thoug, but she knkws about the key and hasn't given it yet, but she has been asking her mom if I gave her the letter. How can she remember the letter but not the key?? Is she not wanting to completely let go?? I hear from her on Friday saying " as much as you dont want to talk to me..eventually you are going to have to...we have a child" of course I know this, and on the Tuesday the same week i told her how much it hurt me, she said dont be hurt....and we have to be civil for our son. And I know this but I need time to heal....she had no idea I was going to do this. Like I said...I'd sure like a womans input on this. .and should I give her the letters???...one is long and sweet letting her know what she means to me as I always told her, but this could be the last time I get to...and the other agrees that the break up is good at the time (I didnt want to push her away by begging)... Any input from a lady would be great on what is going on here....Im just so hurt...and I've had time myself, waiting (almost 2 years) for her to realize exactly what I want and need to do...and I told her in the letters too... any help would be great...thats my whole story for the most part. Sorry it's long...didnt want to leave out much.. I love her alot and I'd love some advise. The no contact does help to heal and not push her away by begging like a fool, as long as you can do it with a family member willing to help. You have to see your children!!! I'm wondering if someone could give me any input or had been in the same boat, Im feeling better but I belive she may not know what she wants...what to do and hkw to get through. Even her family sees how good of a person I am. I can answer any questions honestly to anyone  that can give me advise or even just talk to me...thanks.

[specialmom]

Hello.  Ya know, you are expending an awful amount of energy trying to 'not talk to her'.  When you have a child, this is pretty unrealistic.

I think a better approach is to cut out talk that is extra and keep it to just 'business' regarding your son.  Then try to do 'other' things.  Stay busy.  

If she is going to see what she is 'missing'--  she'll do that as you move on with your life.  Not you struggling to ignore her.  

She is now just a coparent.  Try to accept that.  And move to a new chapter of life with her.  She'll either get it or she won't but you can't 'make her get it' by not talking to her.  But . . .   she is not wanting a relationship and therefore, you can't treat her like you are in a relationship by texting her about what is going on with you, her, etc.  ONLY about your son. good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

You suggest She's not very forthcoming in expressing Her thoughts/feelings

You also alude to having traveled a "rough road".  Does She know about Your drug use and Your struggle(s) to 'recover' ?

Speaking personally, You are so new in Your recovery that I would see a relationship as a poor risk.  Again, personally, I would want to see You drug free for at least 2 years - is it feasible to You that She may be thinking this way even if She has not verbalized it to You?

[stilltlrforlife]

Not that easy to to do, I wish I could do that easily. All I know is I didnt deserve all this, I was so darn good to her.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, and yes its a terrible thing when this happens and you wasted all this time waiting but i feel you knew in your heart all along that this would be the end result. Ive been there twice myself. Just walk away and maybe take custody of your son so you dont have to see her anymore.