Aa
Unsure of what to do
Im in the same situation kinda, ive been married for 2 almost 3 years now and at first it was great the connection and the sex was perfect he proposed while we were intimate and because my dad was dying i told him yes but because my dad was dying i wanted him to walk me down the eile it was perfect now 2 years later i love him but not like i used to since we have been married hes gotton more how do i put it. Um boring, controlling, possesive, and well he treats me like a child i try and make my own choices and he gets mad and if i want to go out he constantly gets on me about being selfish because i want some time to myself i just dont get it im 24 and hes 34 like for example i went for a walk just to sit by the lake to think i was gone maybe an hour ya i made a phone call to a friend but thats it i got back home and he automatically jumps to who did u call what was it a bootie call and ex... I never thought about cheating not once… now i have a different friend that i litterally dream about every night and weve talked and he likes me but hes scared of my husband lol so he wont talk to me anymore and it bugs me i dont know what to do.
See they way things work at my job is when a position opens up and they think ur qualified they ask if u want it then they pull u in so going from machine operator to cnr is a promotion to me so when everyone else found out about it they went in an applyed for it so then they had to go by the books and interveiw for it and at the end i never got it and i have seen councelers they dont work you guys are actually making more sence then they were… and i have never thought about it being screwed over my whole life it makes me think
Yeah, crissy.... you really, really, really need to get counseling, like yesterday as Londres said.... forget the cost. Do some research for help in your area. You'll be amazed at what you may find. There are so many outlets out there for little or no cost.... and what is cost really when you're talking about your life?
You said a mouthful when you said, "recently, I've been screwed over". Crissy, it hasn't been recent.... it's been what looks like your whole life. Don't toy with this.... seek professional help for yourself immediately. Until you get help for you, you're not going to be the best you for anyone else, including yourself. You deserve the best you there is.... Get help at once!
You said a mouthful when you said, "recently, I've been screwed over". Crissy, it hasn't been recent.... it's been what looks like your whole life. Don't toy with this.... seek professional help for yourself immediately. Until you get help for you, you're not going to be the best you for anyone else, including yourself. You deserve the best you there is.... Get help at once!
Dear, not to be rude, but you need to get counseling on board like yesterday. It is obvious you have so many serious issues going on that need to be addressed PRONTO. You are just floating in life from one bad situation to another. You keep allowing yourself to be "victimized" or you don't mind being "victimized."
Don't really understand about the promotion part. How can someone apply for your promotion? That makes no sense. I don't really consider that "stabbing someone in the back." That is business. I don't have friends at work; they are my co-workers.
I would HIGHLY encourage you doing as Specialmom and I have stated; LOOK FOR FREE COUNSELING SOMEWHERE.
You are going to have to be "grown-up" and address your issues. Don't keep running into these bad situations.
Don't really understand about the promotion part. How can someone apply for your promotion? That makes no sense. I don't really consider that "stabbing someone in the back." That is business. I don't have friends at work; they are my co-workers.
I would HIGHLY encourage you doing as Specialmom and I have stated; LOOK FOR FREE COUNSELING SOMEWHERE.
You are going to have to be "grown-up" and address your issues. Don't keep running into these bad situations.
I have always been the think of others before myself type i always worry about what people think im very sweet snd shy so i dont talk that much but recently i have been screwed over so many times that i am just to the point i just dont care i have recently tried making my own desisions and doing what i want but it just dosnt seem yo work in my favor my husband gets mad when i do so im back to my arigional problem im to scared to do anything and due to my backround i have my reasons ya i have problems and ya i have post drematic stress and trust issues but i have always been a great friend i think the reason i have no friends is because im to nice i dont know or my luck is just that bad
See i have never been the dependant one thats my problem i moved here with my ex 4 years ago not that was a bad relationship but anyways i met my husband at work we work together same shift nights i work 12 hrs for a week sometimes 2 so therfore i have no time to meet new friends i had friends at work and the reason i say stabbed me in the back is because well i was recently offferrd a promotion to find out the next day they went in and applyed for it she said for compatision i told her thats not what friends do so now she goes around and littterally makes me the bad person all my friend live 22 hrs from me and they dont talk to me no more. As for my mother she is the worst when i was younger she would leave me with strangers from the bar i have been raped 6 times she would send guys over to basically sell me for money for her i was a trophy to her and when she was tired of me she would put me in homes i was owned by the state after a while wich was the best thing for me so i dont talk to her and she dont see anything wrong with what she did she did the same thing to my sister so the only family that i really talk to is my stepdad so my whole life i have been scared thats why when i met my husband i was happyer then i have ever been then all that changed with the past year thats why i dont know what to do
Wait a minute.... you said that you don't have any friends because "they all stabbed you in the back". How did they "all" stab you in the back?
Every single relationship, regardless of it being a marriage, best friend situation, acquaintance.... all of them take some work. Actually, they all take a lot of work. The work cannot be one sided. Everyone involved has to keep up their end of the bargain.
In every relationship there has to be some bending, some bargaining, and acceptance. I'll stay say that your husband seems a bit demanding, but I see a bit of a pattern here. Unfortunately, the pattern revolves around you. You are having these marriage problems, and all of your friends have stabbed you in the back.
Not to sound rude, but what kind of friend are you? You in for the fair weather, or do you stand in through tough times? So much of this seems to be falling into your responsibility. I think you need to research some groups that may be able to help since you are in a financial pinch. I also think you need to really, really work on finding independence, or at least finding you.
Every single relationship, regardless of it being a marriage, best friend situation, acquaintance.... all of them take some work. Actually, they all take a lot of work. The work cannot be one sided. Everyone involved has to keep up their end of the bargain.
In every relationship there has to be some bending, some bargaining, and acceptance. I'll stay say that your husband seems a bit demanding, but I see a bit of a pattern here. Unfortunately, the pattern revolves around you. You are having these marriage problems, and all of your friends have stabbed you in the back.
Not to sound rude, but what kind of friend are you? You in for the fair weather, or do you stand in through tough times? So much of this seems to be falling into your responsibility. I think you need to research some groups that may be able to help since you are in a financial pinch. I also think you need to really, really work on finding independence, or at least finding you.
Specialmom made some great points.
This is one of the reasons why I work and will always work. I stay as independent as possible. I was brought up to never depend 100% on a man for everything. Works great for me. I have my own money and can walk if need be.
This is one of the reasons why I work and will always work. I stay as independent as possible. I was brought up to never depend 100% on a man for everything. Works great for me. I have my own money and can walk if need be.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, I would say that you live a little bit like man and child and you need to be more of an adult in this relationship. That includes helping out financially. Do you work? If not, you should. You need to get job training/schooling and employment or if you are already trained, a job.
This whole business of how you "like the other guy" --------- whether you have morals or not is not appropriate as a married woman. That sounds like high school. I don't care if you have friends that stabbed you in the back (make new friends that are of the same sex then or look at why you have routine problems with people over and over again)-------- you just don't go out and find another man like this. That you care about him is something your husband senses, I'm sure and fuels the problems.
I would look into counseling in your area that could be done on a sliding fee scale or if you have any insurance that helps cover expenses. Also, churches can offer counseling (as well social outlets through classes and social groups that can be quite supportive) if you are at all religiously inclined. I've heard that YWCA's also will offer counseling.
I think your husband has some issues of treating you like a child but must say that you play along with it by not being mature in this relationship. That isn't to put you down in any way------ I promise. That is just to say that I think you have some things to work on as well to have a normal relationship with your husband. If you do work on your own things and grow in this relationship and he doesn't, then you'll have a decision to make. I also would recommend not having any kids until all of this is resolved. good luck
This whole business of how you "like the other guy" --------- whether you have morals or not is not appropriate as a married woman. That sounds like high school. I don't care if you have friends that stabbed you in the back (make new friends that are of the same sex then or look at why you have routine problems with people over and over again)-------- you just don't go out and find another man like this. That you care about him is something your husband senses, I'm sure and fuels the problems.
I would look into counseling in your area that could be done on a sliding fee scale or if you have any insurance that helps cover expenses. Also, churches can offer counseling (as well social outlets through classes and social groups that can be quite supportive) if you are at all religiously inclined. I've heard that YWCA's also will offer counseling.
I think your husband has some issues of treating you like a child but must say that you play along with it by not being mature in this relationship. That isn't to put you down in any way------ I promise. That is just to say that I think you have some things to work on as well to have a normal relationship with your husband. If you do work on your own things and grow in this relationship and he doesn't, then you'll have a decision to make. I also would recommend not having any kids until all of this is resolved. good luck
Are there any free counseling centers where you live?
Well, you said all your friends have "stabbed you in the back." Well who is this person you keep referring to in your post; the one you call?
Dear, you need to find a way and get independent. I mean, you depend on him for everything. Plus, he has cut you off from anything that he CAN'T control.
What about your family? Where is your mother?
Well, you said all your friends have "stabbed you in the back." Well who is this person you keep referring to in your post; the one you call?
Dear, you need to find a way and get independent. I mean, you depend on him for everything. Plus, he has cut you off from anything that he CAN'T control.
What about your family? Where is your mother?
Oh the other problem is he pays a 1000$ in child support every month so we are broke so that takes out any counceling we have a joint account so when i want to go out i have to ask him he says he payes the bills so therfore if i want to spend anything he has to give me permission thats why i am so frustrated
See thats what i mean yes he really said that and yes i like the other guy but i have morals i told my husband that i was only getting married once that if we have problems we will work past them and everything was great up until i went for a walk i litterally only walked a block and sat by the lake due to i couldnt sleep ya i made a phone call to a different friend and i never denide it but for some reason he keeps making it into a real bog deal no i havnt cheated but i have thought about it and i am no longer talking to that guy so. I am not in school me and my husband work together and i have no family here its just hos family and i have no friends because they have all stabbed me in the back so im literaaly all by myself so when i start talking to him about all of this he just keeps telling me u have me and my family thats all that should matter
COMMUNITY LEADER
I must say that I agree with brice. You got close to another man to the point of dreaming about him and longing for his calls. These things aren't to be taken lightly are are your own contribution to the issues you have with your husband.
Now with that said, I think that he sounds over the top with his demands. I also wouldn't be interested in a man that was not being much of a father to their kid.
Don't know what to tell you. YOu can try to go to counseling as a couple to save this if both of you are ready to work on things (including you and this other guy) or you'll have to move on. I do wish you luck and hope that even though you are young, you are prepared to be independent if you need to be. good luck
Now with that said, I think that he sounds over the top with his demands. I also wouldn't be interested in a man that was not being much of a father to their kid.
Don't know what to tell you. YOu can try to go to counseling as a couple to save this if both of you are ready to work on things (including you and this other guy) or you'll have to move on. I do wish you luck and hope that even though you are young, you are prepared to be independent if you need to be. good luck
I'm no doctor or therapist, so I would suggest seeing one which ever direction you decide to go. From your lasst 3 posts, I sense some dysfunction on a few levels. You've painted a far better picture of him being controlling, and that isn't a good thing for sure.
(I just want to point something out to you, as you seem to be glossing it over because of the control your husband holds over you.) Your walk that your husband thought was a booty call? You are making it seem like no big deal, but you were definately in contact with this other man. To me, this makes it an "it takes 2 to tango" kind of thing.
I personally think you need to really think about what you need to do, for you... not him or the marriage. If staying in the marriage is something you want, then you both have a lot of work to do, and therapy/counseling should be a definate consideration. If you think you should end the marriage, I think you need to start finding some independance and find room to make a move out of the marriage.
Ultimately, you are in a pickle and only you can decide which direction you are going to go. Either way, dig your heels in becuase you have a lot of work to do.
(I just want to point something out to you, as you seem to be glossing it over because of the control your husband holds over you.) Your walk that your husband thought was a booty call? You are making it seem like no big deal, but you were definately in contact with this other man. To me, this makes it an "it takes 2 to tango" kind of thing.
I personally think you need to really think about what you need to do, for you... not him or the marriage. If staying in the marriage is something you want, then you both have a lot of work to do, and therapy/counseling should be a definate consideration. If you think you should end the marriage, I think you need to start finding some independance and find room to make a move out of the marriage.
Ultimately, you are in a pickle and only you can decide which direction you are going to go. Either way, dig your heels in becuase you have a lot of work to do.
Oh, geez, it is worse than I thought. "Ask permission before doing anything?" Did he really say that? Definitely trying to control you. I am not sure where he has learned this behavior from. He probably had a controlling father. In his head, he thinks he is supposed to be this way to his wife. Or, he was cheated on in the past and was hurt very deepy by it. Either way you cut it it is still HIS issue not yours.
Do you work or go to school? I would be trying to become more independent so that you can make options for yourself, i.e. leaving him.
Do you have any family or friends to help you if you need to end this marriage?
Obviously if he's not listening to you he definitely will not be interested in therapy. You can go for yourself and get a professional's opinion about all this.
Trying to Control someone else is NEVER a GOOD thing.
Do you work or go to school? I would be trying to become more independent so that you can make options for yourself, i.e. leaving him.
Do you have any family or friends to help you if you need to end this marriage?
Obviously if he's not listening to you he definitely will not be interested in therapy. You can go for yourself and get a professional's opinion about all this.
Trying to Control someone else is NEVER a GOOD thing.
But i married him because from the moment we met we just fit perfectly together we talked about getting married but since my dad was dying we thought about doing it while he was still alive so it wasnt an excuse i was happy the first year was great but after that he just started to change get controlling and bossy and treating me like im a child ive ralked to him like 4 different times he just dosnt listen
Also when we talk it always comes back to me goin for a walk i keep telling i just went for a walk hes got it stuck in his head that i went for a bootie call it was nothing like that and when my cousin was in town we went to walmart he got upset with me saying i need to ask for permission before i do anything that i should stay at home while she went out i was so mad because she flew out to see me if i wanted to go out with her i shouldnt have to have permission shes family even she told me i dont deserve that
We have talked he just tells me im selfish and i am a child and i never thought about cheating until he brought it up this other guy i used to work with he quit and we still talk but not that much ya the dreaming about him bothers me but im not to worried about it but my husband hes completely changed since we got married he has a son that i completly adore but its like when we go visit him with his ex im the one that hangs out with him he goes down stairs and gets drunk and when i tell him its not right were here to see him he said ya but i dont see his uncle that often i tell him u dont see your son that often either so he gets mad at me like i shouldnt be judging its like wth...
Personally, I think you are setting yourself up by talking with this other guy. You are vulnerable and are probably offering too much info, and this other guy is gobbling it up. One feeds the other, and then you have a bonifide mess on your hands. (I know, I did it.)
Look, if your husband is controlling, he either has a reason or has a problem. Either way, it can be addressed. If you have a problem with him and cannot talk to him, that too is a problem.
Communication and counseling are great starting grounds. The reason you stated for marrying is, I am sure, heart felt and emotion packed... no offense to what I am going to say next though... but one of the weirdest/lamest excuses to get married that I have ever heard.
Your husband could be jumping to conclusions because you are giving him reason.... you not being satisfied with the marriage might be that reason. Talk time is essential, and you both need to be truthful with each other.
Look, if your husband is controlling, he either has a reason or has a problem. Either way, it can be addressed. If you have a problem with him and cannot talk to him, that too is a problem.
Communication and counseling are great starting grounds. The reason you stated for marrying is, I am sure, heart felt and emotion packed... no offense to what I am going to say next though... but one of the weirdest/lamest excuses to get married that I have ever heard.
Your husband could be jumping to conclusions because you are giving him reason.... you not being satisfied with the marriage might be that reason. Talk time is essential, and you both need to be truthful with each other.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, you had me until you talked about the new friend you have made. Yes, you have issues in your marriage that sound like one could attribute them to your husband but once you bring into the picture another person--------- things start to get sketchy. Then all of your husband's feeling like you might want to cheat are correct.
I don't go out and meet men to be friends with and get their numbers or give them mine so we can chat and get close. I'm married. I have male friends--- almost all are husbands to my friends or my husband's friends. But we don't have a friendship exclusive to ourselves----- meaning they are my husband's friends as well. That you are pursuing friendships like that does make one wonder.
Your discussion of why you married---------- so your dying father could walk you down the aisle probably wasn't the best reason. You have no children and if you don't love your husband, then move on. Be single and meet all the men your heart desires. good luck
I don't go out and meet men to be friends with and get their numbers or give them mine so we can chat and get close. I'm married. I have male friends--- almost all are husbands to my friends or my husband's friends. But we don't have a friendship exclusive to ourselves----- meaning they are my husband's friends as well. That you are pursuing friendships like that does make one wonder.
Your discussion of why you married---------- so your dying father could walk you down the aisle probably wasn't the best reason. You have no children and if you don't love your husband, then move on. Be single and meet all the men your heart desires. good luck
Have you ever talked to him about all this? I mean, seriously sit down and talk?
I cannot agree with this "emotional" affair you are having with your friend. If the friend is to talk to for "moral" support that would be one thing. However, if you are "dreaming" about him that would mean you are thinking about him romantically. Sounds like you are thinking "in the distance" about cheating. Actually, you are emotionally cheating though.
I would seriously talk with your husband and possibly talk about couples' therapy (if you can't resolve things) before things get "out of hand" with this friend, i.e. a physicial affair.
I cannot agree with this "emotional" affair you are having with your friend. If the friend is to talk to for "moral" support that would be one thing. However, if you are "dreaming" about him that would mean you are thinking about him romantically. Sounds like you are thinking "in the distance" about cheating. Actually, you are emotionally cheating though.
I would seriously talk with your husband and possibly talk about couples' therapy (if you can't resolve things) before things get "out of hand" with this friend, i.e. a physicial affair.
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