Can a woman ever chat with a married man?

[calmshell]

I swore a couple years back I'd Never chat again at all, with a married man. I sometimes frequent social sites, and I've stayed away from ANY man saying they are married to me. I once chatted a few months with a married guy about my anxiety and it was strictly friendship..that's all. He then would say 'kisses your cheek' a couple months in, and other endearing things, and I really liked him so much. But I KNEW it wasn't fair or right to go on, and ended all contact. I even came here to ask about it, and ppl said, Yes no contact is best. He was very sad and kept writing to me a few times, but I could not ever do it. Well a few days ago , I began chatting with a guy, and he was talking about his depression (online). I told him about my anxiety and he was trying to help me.. he then told me halfway in he was married. 'Great' I thought , and was sad. Because he is so kind and seemed helpful and interested. Would you recommend completely stopping again? I wanted to ask HIM about how his depression therapy has been b/c he showed such kindness to me, but, I haven't b/c of my past memory with the other married man. I feel weird just never talking again now, but I guess it might just be what has to happen.. but hav eyou ever chatted or talked with someone married ONLY about platonic things, and it never got any closer? I am torn :/

[Rizzerrazor]

Interesting same here

[specialmom]

I am really glad you came to the conclusion that you did!  Not worth it.  How's the social life going?  how are things?

[calmshell]

Hi SMom... Ty for replying. I was so reluctant b/c this man has gone through similar things as me in regards to anxiety, but the next day when I wanted to message him (we only chatted once a week ago) , I didn't. I knew I'd MAYBE one day begin to even like him if he was kind to me, and was giving advice and listening , and that ONLY turns out bad for ME.
For the married person I guess it is an ego rush. (sometimes). I just didn't want to ever turn that road again.

My social life is 'ok' lol. I do go out but mainly with female friends here or there. I'm entering therapy soon to help me with men/love. I really want to move past my fears of rejection and that a man will not like me b/c of my anxiety. I might go away this month for a couple days so looking forward to that :) How are you?

[specialmom]

I think that's a good call.  You sound smart about the chatting with a married man thing and understand your own vulnerabilities.  

I know I've said this before, but a good way to meet someone that you might be interested in a relationship with is by doing things you enjoy or trying something new that they may enjoy.  Examples:  a running club for 5 K's, joining a gym, a wine tasting class, a book club at the library or a book store, a volunteer group, etc.  

A therapist will be good to help you bring down your walls.  And one other thing I tried to do during my dating years was 'practice'.  I went on a lot of practice dates.  And if things didn't go great, I chalked it up to practice.  LOL

I've been good here.  Busy with my kids during summer activities.  Last week was camp and I volunteered.  My boys slept in tents for 7 days but I drove back and forth.  LOL  I'm not so good at the rustic stuff!  

[calmshell]

Hi Special Mom... Ty for your reply:) Sounds like it has been a fun summer so far! I don't enjoy the 'great' outdoors THAT much lol (when it comes to tents/bugs/mosquitoes!!!) haha.

Thx for saying that it is ok to 'practice' for dating. The only thing I have hesitated on with that , is that if I feel I'm just in it only for 'that ' night/date/hangout etc, then I feel 'am I leading the guy on? Will he think I'm a joke IF I couldn't accept a different future date (b/c of anxiety)?' I want SO much though to JUST be in that night only... that is what people DO. They focus on that night, but also b/c they are confident that they can do other things should they go forward with the person. For me I worry, when would he ditch me, b/c I have anxiety on some outings/travel etc. :/  I am definitely going to try to open my mind though to this, b/c am I just going to be alone and nervous forever?? I don't want that. I think it was a great idea of you to just go in with a couple dates and see how it went- did that work better fo ryou than trying to wonder if you ha d a 'future' together?

[Nighthawk61]

One day at a time. Enjoy the moments that make up a day (date). Good luck.

[calmshell]

To any responders, I have made up my mind.. I was trying to delete the post but could not. I will not be venturing forth even in chat form .. I do not ever EVER want to become close with a married man even if he is just giving advice to me/being kind... I am sorry if you took the time to read this- ty so much if you did... Happy 4th as well