Aa
am i over reacting or is it really him?
i been with my boyfriend for four months now, yesterday he deleted his facebook and made a new one i got mad because he couldn't put his status as in a relationship with me and put a picture of me and him on facebook he says bc he doesn't care for eveyone to know but i feel like hes trying to hide me. Am i being stupid? hes great to me.
Another thing im mad at him about is hes on a dating website and he promised me he would delete it. For about 2months he stoped going on but last night he signed on!! he says he didn't message anyone and no one messaged him he just checked it but if he reallly loves me he would delete it right? because he wouldn't care about any other girl.Sometimes i feel like hes just with me until he finds someone better to come along i told him that and he says shut up bc im being stupid. What do you think?
He says we will talk tonight, should i bring up both of these things or just one or just forget it both because im being stupid.
I know he wants to stay in the relationship with me because he always says "baby i love u and im with u so stop worrying" and when hes not at work hes with me i even sleepover a lot.
Another thing im mad at him about is hes on a dating website and he promised me he would delete it. For about 2months he stoped going on but last night he signed on!! he says he didn't message anyone and no one messaged him he just checked it but if he reallly loves me he would delete it right? because he wouldn't care about any other girl.Sometimes i feel like hes just with me until he finds someone better to come along i told him that and he says shut up bc im being stupid. What do you think?
He says we will talk tonight, should i bring up both of these things or just one or just forget it both because im being stupid.
I know he wants to stay in the relationship with me because he always says "baby i love u and im with u so stop worrying" and when hes not at work hes with me i even sleepover a lot.
You're not over-reacting and you're not "being stupid."
You simply pick up on the fact that he's "looking."
Maybe, it means nothing; then, again... maybe, it means that he's on the prowl.
If this continues to be an issue, tell him, "... if you love me, and want me to stop worrying, then... stop looking!"
You simply pick up on the fact that he's "looking."
Maybe, it means nothing; then, again... maybe, it means that he's on the prowl.
If this continues to be an issue, tell him, "... if you love me, and want me to stop worrying, then... stop looking!"
Ok. It's ok for him to be on facebook without you. I'm on facebook with my man and he doesn't even know I'm on facebook, but I'm honest and trust worthy and has no reason to worry. I do believe that one of the reasons you are feeling so insecure about your man is because he is instigating the problem. He is on a dating website and that a big "no, no" in my book. Why? Is he looking for someone else?. Tell him straight out, either you remove yourself from this dating website, or I'm gone. Never permit any man to ever treat you less than you deserve to be treated and never permit him to call you names (that's abuse).
Tell him, you are causing my insecurities and I want you to remove yourself from this site in front of me and if I see your name in any dating website, I'm gone.
You are not over-reacting...he's being stupid.
Tell him, you are causing my insecurities and I want you to remove yourself from this site in front of me and if I see your name in any dating website, I'm gone.
You are not over-reacting...he's being stupid.
Thanks for the reply. How do i tell him without sounding overly jealous? I don't want to come off jealous =/
There's really nothing wrong with coming off as jealous... it means that you care.
Be direct. And, try to keep the emotions in check... the approach might be similar
to that of an adult correcting a naughty child, who's been caught... misbehaving.
He needs to understand that you're serious about this... and, that this behavior
won't be tolerated.
Be direct. And, try to keep the emotions in check... the approach might be similar
to that of an adult correcting a naughty child, who's been caught... misbehaving.
He needs to understand that you're serious about this... and, that this behavior
won't be tolerated.
Tell him with a firm "I mean business" tone that he is in a relationship with you and what he has done is inappropriate and if he values and respects you and your relationship, he will do the right thing and remove himself free will from this site and if he argues with you...dump him on the spot.
the dating website ya i'd be mad but why mad over facebook? and do you really expect him to love you after only 4 months? that isn't very long into the relationship. my dh and i never said we loved each other until 9 almost 10 months. didn't even discuss marriage when he proposed (after 13 months) and didn't actually tie the not until 2 years after that. just ease up a bit. he may not be ready for that long term commitment your ready for.
im mad at facebook because i don't trust him. Hes on a dating website and prob flirting with other girls and might be adding them on facebook idk but he can't admit that hes in a relationship with me.
if he can't admit it then maybe to him the 2 of you really arn't. i asked my dh what he would have done if i would have done that to him and he said he would have broken up with me. except for the dating website. he's a very faithful person so he said he would have deleted his profile from the dating website but if i would have confronted him about something like facebook and didn't accept his answer and kept "pestering him" he would have broken up with me. if you can't trust him why are you with him? trust is a VERY important part of a relationship. if you can't trust him your relationship will NEVER last.
he told me he doesn't know how to delete the dating website so he gave me his password and told me to delete it for him. He really didn't talk to any girls from what i see. I don't know if i should really delete it.
if he gave you his password and told you to delete what's not to trust? now if he has secret accounts that you don't know about than yeah i wouldn't trust him either. i have all of my dh's passwords to all of his accounts as he has all of mine. in fact our passwords are saved on each others computers. (his is the "home" computer until he gets his laptop and my computer is the laptop he bought me for school)
Because on facebook hes been messaging this girl that he just became friends with on facebook so idk how they met and at first it sounded like he was trying to blow her off but then he said "sorry busy at work text me" and gave her his number. He doesn't know i know and i don't want to bring it up to him until i know for a fact that something is up. It could just be a friend and im over reacting idk. His facebook does say hes in a realtionship with me now so im sure she has to see that he has a gf so maybe it is just a friend i really don't know.
just ask him who it is. if he gets mad then obviously he's doing something he's not supposed to. if he is calm and tells you it's most likely just a friend.
I can't because i just quickly looked at his inbox on facebook when he was in the shower so if i ask him hes going to know i was looking at his inbox and i don't want him to know that i do look before i find out 100% i just think if i bring it up to him now hes obviously going to tell me shes just a friend and then hes going to hide things more like change his password, and bring the phone into the bathroom with him all the time. I think i need to make sure first.
Wow, this guy sounds like my ex! I suggest never going against your intuition in situations like this. For 2 1/2 years I believed my ex-fiance when he said he thought the two dating sites he was on were chat sites. I also believed that he wanted to be with me and marry me because he said similar things your boyfriend has said to you. The best thing for a guy like that to have happen is for the girl he's with to not worry about what he's doing so that there are no obstacles in the way of his endeavors. My ex was cheating on me the whole time and continually lied about parties, dating sites, and other girls. Because I believed everything he said, even when he contradicted himself, I stayed by his side the whole and stuck up for him. We had countless conversations about his lies and signs he was being unfaithful, and they always ended with my apologizing for being so untrusting and jealous. I never could stand my ground against what he was doing. Ending that relationship was the best thing I've ever done, but it also left it's mark on me. That type of relationship will change who you are if you stay in it. I was devastated after it was over, but am now very grateful that I was able to end it and move on to find an amazing guy who really does care about me and would never do any of the things my ex would do.
I know, though, that no matter what anyone tells you, you have to figure out this relationship on your own. He may be a completely different guy than my ex. But you never know, maybe you're with the exact same guy I was with. Asking for other people's advice is good, but I know you already know the truth and are afraid and sad to admit it so you're hoping someone out there will tell you you're being paranoid and silly. I'm glad you're outwardly voicing your concerns instead of keeping them inside like I did, but how you are describing yourself tells me that you have a ways to go until you understand the full gravity of the relationship you're in so that you can change the direction your life goes in, whether by making that relationship into a good one (which is almost nearly impossible, but it happens) or by leaving it behind and finding a relationship and a guy that you don't have to fix and change into a good situation because they are good naturally.
I wish you luck. I don't know how long you've been with this guy and I don't know how much longer you'll be with him, but I know how difficult the situation you're in is to handle. Trust me, though, if you do end it, life will go on, and you will find someone else. Good luck and know that there are people out there who care about your happiness, even if it's not who you're with and even if it is a complete stranger. :)
I know, though, that no matter what anyone tells you, you have to figure out this relationship on your own. He may be a completely different guy than my ex. But you never know, maybe you're with the exact same guy I was with. Asking for other people's advice is good, but I know you already know the truth and are afraid and sad to admit it so you're hoping someone out there will tell you you're being paranoid and silly. I'm glad you're outwardly voicing your concerns instead of keeping them inside like I did, but how you are describing yourself tells me that you have a ways to go until you understand the full gravity of the relationship you're in so that you can change the direction your life goes in, whether by making that relationship into a good one (which is almost nearly impossible, but it happens) or by leaving it behind and finding a relationship and a guy that you don't have to fix and change into a good situation because they are good naturally.
I wish you luck. I don't know how long you've been with this guy and I don't know how much longer you'll be with him, but I know how difficult the situation you're in is to handle. Trust me, though, if you do end it, life will go on, and you will find someone else. Good luck and know that there are people out there who care about your happiness, even if it's not who you're with and even if it is a complete stranger. :)
Hey girl, I don't think you are in the relationship you think you are in. This guys really does sound like he is playing you. Yeah he gave you his password to that dating site, but maybe he found the girl he has been texting so now he feels he doesn't need it anymore. Maybe you should ask him if you can use his phone and maybe you will see that girls number. Then ask who that person is. You will know he is lying if he doesn't look you in the eye. Also, don't listen to others about love. Love comes when it comes. It doesn't take a certain amount of time, it just happens. It can take just a few conversations for it to happen, you never know. This may not be the right one for you though. He seems shady and like he is hiding things. It seems like you have to pester him into being faithful and you shouldn't have to do that. Ask him to be honest to you and if he still lies, dump his a$$.
Thank you jstNodNsmle and Boogie. I'm going to find out hopefully tomorrrow. Next time hes in the shower im going to just look at his phone. I thought it would be wrong doing it but i neeed to know the truth. I'll update you =)
If this guy cannot commit to you openly in front of the world, he is not committed. Sorry, bottom line. True love is not head games. Accept things the way they are or move on.
lol...why are you going thru his things in the first place?...phones?...emails?...facebook?.....jeez thats when you start finding things that you dont wanna find, and sometimes your mind can play great tricks on you.... and really who cares what facebook says???..... people get so caught up on facebook, myspace, twitter..
I totally see your point with the dating site. He should delete it if he's in a relationship. And being jealous is okay to an extent. As long as you don't let it go overboard and go all psycho jealous, then it's all good. If you are with someone, you have the right to know things! If he's bringing out insecurities in you, then you may want to reevaluate the relationship. You guys have only been together 4 months. These months should be the best times, not the other way around.
I agree with turkee here, why are you looking through all his things? If you can't trust him, then you shouldn't be with him. If he's doing something he's not supposed to, it will come out eventually. You are obviously looking for reasons to not be with him. Maybe your gut is telling you something isn't right. After 4 months of dating, you shouldn't have to watch him so intensely. Its not like you're married with kids and share computers or phone accounts. You are going to ruin the relationship anyway with your snooping. Either he's not doing anything and he will get irritated with you and feel like it's not worth sticking around with someone who is paranoid all the time, or you will find something and then you will leave him. But after 4 months, you really should be going by how he's treating you.
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