Committment Issue from Him

[Miranda523]

My long distance boyfriend and I of 3 years were supposed to move in together and get married this summer, but now he is freaking out and doesn't want to get married; what do i do?

[heatherlynn22]

he hasn't put a rock on your finger in 3 years....i'd say he's probably not going to. give him an ultimatium. either you get a ring and plan a wedding or you walk. long distance relationships are hard. it's a 50/50 thing. i know....i was in one for almost 3 years. my husband was a marine throughout our dating, engagement and early in our marriage. i think the reason we worked out so far is because we've known each other for almost 17 years. if your man isn't willing to get engaged and married .....then why move in together? what happens if one day he decides he doesn't want to be dating anymore? or you get fed up with just living with some guy and not having a husband? not having a spouse?

[PrettyKitty1]

Moving in before getting married is your choice. Living together without being married is also your choice, but you do not want this. Why is he not ready to commit? True, marriage doesn't define love - you can love a person without being married to them. But the fact that he doesn't want to commit should ring the bell.

I'd say stop wasting time with him. There are plenty of fish in the lake, unless you really want a long distance relationship. I personally don't find anything exiting or normal about a long distance relationship, but then again, it is your choice. I'm sure there are plenty of available guys in your town.  

[iam1butterfly]

Then, you either accept the relationship as it is... without the hope or expectation of marriage or, you move along, in your life, without him and find someone who wants
the same things that you want. Your expectations, hopes and desires about marriage and commitment are quite valid and you shouldn't have to compromise.
By all appearances, you've been very patient with this young man... the only thing is,
how long are you willing to wait for a commitment that may never happen? He's promising you nothing; not even an engagement.... only, a living arrangement. While
you are willing to "give in." This doesn't appear to be a very fair or balanced relationship.  

[Miranda523]

I don't know what the deal is. I have asked him and he says he is scared of commitment, so then I say you are going to lose this relationship. He realizes he doesn't want to lose it so we stay together. The thing is I at least want to be engaged before we move in together because I come from a strict background and that is how I believe. He says he is fine just living together but not being married or engaged. Are my expectations too high for this situation? Should I just give in and move to a new state to live with him or should I let this go. I am so happy when we are together, so I don't want it to end, but I just don't know what to do. And I don't think he is willing to give in at all and get engaged or married before we live together for a while.

[babypooh]

Did he give you any reasons why he changed his mind or is he just freaking out like you said? I'm sorry, honey, but if he is freaking out, there's nothing you can do. He has to work out those issues on his own if he wants it to work out. Now you have to decide if you're willing to stay and see if he changes his mind again or if you're ready to move on. Think about your needs right now. Are you willing to wait for him to be ready? Good luck!

[RockRose]

Miranda,  long distance guys want a long distance relationship.

Find a guy in your town who wants a real relationship,  and go from there.  

[iam1butterfly]

It's likely that your guy is used to the long distance arrangement;
is comfortable with his current sense of private space and is
"flipping out" becuase he's afraid of change. Given that it's a "long
distance" relationship, I assume that you don't see one another on a
daily or regular basis... perhaps, there are other issues in his life that
you are unaware of. You need to find out... from him... exactly, why
he's feeling this way. Don't engage in arguements; don't accept
excuses... you need answers; and you need a reason!
Then, I think that you'll know what to do.