I'm sure we all think our situation is unique, but I haven't veen able to find a similar post with similar situation. Here's my story:
I'm 30, 2 kids, married for 7.5 years, with hubby for 10.5 years. We met in college when I was 18. I've never been happy in the marriages, contemplated leaving several times for several years. We have zero communication, zero things in commo except our kids, and we d on't really like each other as people much. Our values and priorities could not be more different. He's not a bad person. He is nowhere near the kind of partner I want in my life, and I am not willing to be the kind of wife he wants (he wants someone to take care of him, like his mom did his whole life). After years of thought and consideration, I had decided to have (another) serious discussion about hte state of our marriage, what I feel I want and need from it, and what, if anything, I think we can do together to improve it. I'm not sure there is anything we can do as a couple as I just don't really like him as a person. There's no abuse, emotional neglect I suppose. But he is a decent dad (not great by my standards, but okay), he works hard for us but we have no desire to be together personally. Of course, since he is unwilling to communicate with me this is all supposition on my part.
So here's the question. I had already decided to have this conversation, with full acceptance and expectation of that leading to a split. I am comfortable with that decision and all that it brings, it has been weighed heavily, and has been decided logically not emotionally in a fit of anger. Does that decision change if I unintentionally met someone else?
There was some family crises we are dealing with, so I postponed my self-scheduled deadline for this conversation. Now hubby's grandma just died and we are dealing with that. I have not "let myself off the hook" so to speak, but I have postponed until I feel it is a better time to address our personal issues.While helping an acquaintance through some of his crap, all of the sudden we found ourselves practically inseparable.
OK, I know what comes -- marriages are work, grass is greener, thrill of the forbidden, all of that. I did cheat on hubby once a few years ago for all of those reasons...it was incredibly unsatisfying and I swore I would never do it again. And I haven't slept with this new guy or anything, we just....connect. For all of my years and guys I've dated, I have never been in "love." I have never wanted a marriage and a life with someone. I married hubby beacuse I was young, stupid, scared and it seemed like what came next when I graduated from college. I wanted a wedding. Thus the bright brain of a 20 year old girl :) I have come to terms with my feelings about hubby and my reasons for wanting him were not to find someone else, but just to be me, be on my own, not have to be his mom, give him the opportunity to be with someone that truly loves him because I don't. I feel like I understand why people meet and get married a few months later and die after being happily married for 65 years. Very strange, since I've always been pretty practical and thought all that was just romantic dreams and not real life.
Anyway, I apologize for the book. My question I guess is -- when is it okay to go for another guy? Is right away too soon? It was not in my plan at all, as I said my plan was to be on my own and care for my girls and cultivate a great friendly working relationship with their dad. I want one of those friendly ex-relationships where we don't mind being together, can have family dinners, that type of thing. I think its possible given how I know my husband even though I know its not guaranteed. Is moving on to someone else going to impede that process?
If you made it this far, THANKS! That end up being practically a novella, which I didn't want. There seems to be a lot of pertinent information that happens over 10 years!! Any advice and opinions you can offer, I would greatly appreciate them. TIA!