Aa
advise.
Hi. So i am 15 weeks pregnant & me and the babys dad are not together!
He hasnt come to any appt or ultrasound. & i dont think its fair that hes not coming to anything. I so badly want to cut him off of my babys life when he/she is born because of it. What can i do? Hmm i need advise
He hasnt come to any appt or ultrasound. & i dont think its fair that hes not coming to anything. I so badly want to cut him off of my babys life when he/she is born because of it. What can i do? Hmm i need advise
Congratulations on your pregnancy, i pray all will go well for you both :)
You haven't stated your age or your ex boyfriends age, or the circumstances as to whether you've ever lived together etc. Did you break up or were you never together?
I'm glad that you came here, because I think it's an important message to receive, that this child did not ask to be born into these circumstances. Certainly, it would be far easier for a child to have been planned and wanted and their parent's had both proven that they are worthy of caring for a child to getting pregnant. If that's not the case, then you need to get there in your mind, and from that place calmly deal with the baby's father like you want him to be the best dad he can be. Try to raise him to the occasion, as you are the only one that is going to be able to speak for your child. YES, a child wants to know they have a daddy in their young life, they need to bond with their daddy. You need to know the circumstances, that the child is safe for this to happen. You're going to need to be like Mother Theresa with this guy, and only show and expect the best for your child. It's a big order, but when you're able to see that you and he are making a healthy comfortable life for this child, you'll be so glad that you didn't mess up the biggest and best thing that's ever happened to you both.
I think that it might help if you got to this point, and then considered finding a therapist that you could both sit down with and talk about your feelings about the pregnancy. If he is over whelmed, a therapist can help to ground him. That's the kind of support of him that the ladies are talking about. Trying to make it work for him, works for the baby. And you would benefit from having a therapist to talk to as well. It is over whelming to have a baby on your own.? If your young, and you have not even worked yet, moreso. But, it all can be done if love is the motivating factor. Learn to love your baby now, and in the right way. It is within your control to do so. Professional help never hurt anyone, but lack of it, can.
Peace to the mother the father and the baby Remember, you chose to have a baby with this man. It's not something so easily disposed of. Fathers matter in a child's life just as much as the mother.
You haven't stated your age or your ex boyfriends age, or the circumstances as to whether you've ever lived together etc. Did you break up or were you never together?
I'm glad that you came here, because I think it's an important message to receive, that this child did not ask to be born into these circumstances. Certainly, it would be far easier for a child to have been planned and wanted and their parent's had both proven that they are worthy of caring for a child to getting pregnant. If that's not the case, then you need to get there in your mind, and from that place calmly deal with the baby's father like you want him to be the best dad he can be. Try to raise him to the occasion, as you are the only one that is going to be able to speak for your child. YES, a child wants to know they have a daddy in their young life, they need to bond with their daddy. You need to know the circumstances, that the child is safe for this to happen. You're going to need to be like Mother Theresa with this guy, and only show and expect the best for your child. It's a big order, but when you're able to see that you and he are making a healthy comfortable life for this child, you'll be so glad that you didn't mess up the biggest and best thing that's ever happened to you both.
I think that it might help if you got to this point, and then considered finding a therapist that you could both sit down with and talk about your feelings about the pregnancy. If he is over whelmed, a therapist can help to ground him. That's the kind of support of him that the ladies are talking about. Trying to make it work for him, works for the baby. And you would benefit from having a therapist to talk to as well. It is over whelming to have a baby on your own.? If your young, and you have not even worked yet, moreso. But, it all can be done if love is the motivating factor. Learn to love your baby now, and in the right way. It is within your control to do so. Professional help never hurt anyone, but lack of it, can.
Peace to the mother the father and the baby Remember, you chose to have a baby with this man. It's not something so easily disposed of. Fathers matter in a child's life just as much as the mother.
Unfortunately it sounds like he doesn't care. And I agree that it's not fair that he doesn't want to be involved but unfortunately you can't make him care if he doesn't. All you can do is be the best mom that you can be so that your baby knows how much it's loved.
Ditto specialmom's post 100%!!!! I agree with everything she said.
Your said...
"Hi. So i am 15 weeks pregnant & me and the babys dad are not together!
He hasnt come to any appt or ultrasound. & i dont think its fair that hes not coming to anything. I so badly want to cut him off of my babys life when he/she is born because of it. What can i do? Hmm i need advise"
You're allowing your personal hurt feelings to dictate how to handle his parental rights, to the point of wanting to cut him out of your baby's life completely. That's definitely not the way to go. You HAVE to try to be as impartial as you can when it comes to decisions that will involve your child.
It's hard, but it's VITAL to put aside any personal feelings you have toward your ex in order to do what's right by your child. You cannot force him to be an active participant in the child's life, but you most certainly can encourage it and foster that relationship for your son/daughter. You never know, he absolutely may step up to the plate once the baby is born, and may end up being a great daddy, which is something you should want for your child. Obviously, he isn't your choice of a partner, and that's fine, but you now will be connected to each other for life, co-parenting this child. Also, you'd be wise to handle all of the legal stuff in the family courts, do everything "on the books", custody, visitation and child support.
Very best to you for a healthy pregnancy and for smooth sailing with all of the issues with your ex.
Your said...
"Hi. So i am 15 weeks pregnant & me and the babys dad are not together!
He hasnt come to any appt or ultrasound. & i dont think its fair that hes not coming to anything. I so badly want to cut him off of my babys life when he/she is born because of it. What can i do? Hmm i need advise"
You're allowing your personal hurt feelings to dictate how to handle his parental rights, to the point of wanting to cut him out of your baby's life completely. That's definitely not the way to go. You HAVE to try to be as impartial as you can when it comes to decisions that will involve your child.
It's hard, but it's VITAL to put aside any personal feelings you have toward your ex in order to do what's right by your child. You cannot force him to be an active participant in the child's life, but you most certainly can encourage it and foster that relationship for your son/daughter. You never know, he absolutely may step up to the plate once the baby is born, and may end up being a great daddy, which is something you should want for your child. Obviously, he isn't your choice of a partner, and that's fine, but you now will be connected to each other for life, co-parenting this child. Also, you'd be wise to handle all of the legal stuff in the family courts, do everything "on the books", custody, visitation and child support.
Very best to you for a healthy pregnancy and for smooth sailing with all of the issues with your ex.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm, well. I was married with a man that we planned our pregnancies and were super excited about them. He didn't go to any doctor's appointments with me but the ONE ultrasound I had with both mid way through. He was at work and I'm an independent woman---- not sure why I would have needed my husband at the doctor's appointments.
I really don't think it is a big deal to not be at doctor's appointments. Now, you two aren't together which is unfortunate. Does he want the child? Is he at all interested in being a dad?
A woman really can't completely cut a father out of the picture as he could sue for paternal rights. And truthfully, when you see your baby, you will love him or her and want the best for them. That child will want to know their dad hon. Even if you two aren't together and he did you wrong, you have to put that aside for the sake of your child (unless he is a danger due to addiction or violence).
On the plus side, you should expect some child support from him. Hey, that will help, right?
But the truth is, he's the child's father. That is not really something you should take away from your child just to punish him. You'll be punishing your baby too and that is not fair.
Again, my husband is a terrific dad but he didn't get all into 'being there' before the babies arrived. But I was very secure in our marriage and his commitment so it didn't bother me. You guys aren't together which makes all of this rather tricky. Try to set aside your personal hurt and hard feelings as this is now bigger than just you. good luck
I really don't think it is a big deal to not be at doctor's appointments. Now, you two aren't together which is unfortunate. Does he want the child? Is he at all interested in being a dad?
A woman really can't completely cut a father out of the picture as he could sue for paternal rights. And truthfully, when you see your baby, you will love him or her and want the best for them. That child will want to know their dad hon. Even if you two aren't together and he did you wrong, you have to put that aside for the sake of your child (unless he is a danger due to addiction or violence).
On the plus side, you should expect some child support from him. Hey, that will help, right?
But the truth is, he's the child's father. That is not really something you should take away from your child just to punish him. You'll be punishing your baby too and that is not fair.
Again, my husband is a terrific dad but he didn't get all into 'being there' before the babies arrived. But I was very secure in our marriage and his commitment so it didn't bother me. You guys aren't together which makes all of this rather tricky. Try to set aside your personal hurt and hard feelings as this is now bigger than just you. good luck
Whether or not you include him on birth certificate has nothing to do with his rights. It is beneficial to have him on in the event something happens to the father baby will receive social security and death benefits. Even if father is not on birth certificate he can request custody or visitation at anytime (court will do a paternity test if he is not on birth certificate). And even if not on certificate he can still pay child support. The only way to have him out of both of your lives is for him to give up his parental rights or for the courts to take them away (which you would have to prove he is unfit). Maybe when baby comes he will step up as a father. Sometimes men only realize what they see... Good luck.
well if he isn't around throughout the whole pregnancy.
you don't have to let him sign the birth certificate and then He won't have any rights to the baby. but he may not be too worried if he has rights or not.
you don't have to let him sign the birth certificate and then He won't have any rights to the baby. but he may not be too worried if he has rights or not.
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