Fear

[Kayannaboo]

My grandmother got married when she was 18 years old, she was young and had a baby and so she figured it was the right thing to do. However, things didn't work out and she and my grandfather got divorced. Soon after, she got involved with another man. In my early years, I really remember him being kind and humble, I call the man 'daddy' for crying out loud as my father moved abroad before I was born. For six years, this man was all I knew in my daily life. I spoke with my dad frequently on the phone but I never officially met him until I was six. I had two daddys and it was great you know? All of a sudden things turned ugly. My grandmother's guy just turned into a monster, he started to abuse me physically and a little sexually right up to my teens. I was getting hit with all sorts of things, hit in the face, I had scars everywhere... In the nights he would curse my grandmother out and he would hit her, she fought back but he was always stronger and as a child I had to just cower in my bad. That's when the anxiety started, my heart raced, I was sweating and shaking, I couldn't sleep (I failed my subjects in school). Only really loud music helped. He called me names and told me that I was a prostitute at 13, just because my cell phone rang. He started telling us that he was going to cut our throats in our sleep and burn us alive. I actually saw him with a machete one night in the kitchen talking to himself and contemplating.....

I'm fine, I am. My life wasn't easy but I'm ok. I have a beautiful daughter, I have an office job, I'm attending college and I can breathe. The moment I got out of that house I couldn't go back, I even found some unhealthy set of friends (some of you already know) and I just took everything because I couldn't go back there. If my friends and I fought and I went there, I didn't sleep, I just held my baby and just watched her the entire night. Nowadays, Ive been really good, my depression is still there but I'm doing well, go to counseling when I can. I found a place that allows me to work out a payment plan :-). However, I went home couple mornings ago as the iron at my house wasn't working. My grandmother hands me a paper and asks me to read it over. It was a police report stating that someone came to the house and told her that she overheard him on the phone PLANNING TO KILL HER. All my nightmares are back, I can't sleep anymore, my heart feels like its falling out of my chest and I am afraid. I am afraid for her, for my mom, for my brothers. I am so afraid and I feel like a bad person, like every night I go home safe and sound and I'm just leaving them there. I have been frantically calling them at hours of the morning, to find out if they are still alive. I can't take it anymore.


xoxoxoxo Anna

[realLove]

My heart goes out to you i hope n pray everything is ok. you or your grandmother shouldnt go through this and i am sure there is somebody out there who is strongly willing to help you all. your grandma needs to up n leave or have the police come help her move him out n change the locks n you should move in back with her if possible. but please get the cops to help you all n pray thats really all i can say God has the last say so not this man just pray my love keep us updated.