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Avatar universal

First Love

I am in a situation where i reconnected with my first love who caught my eye when i was a teen over 12 years ago. We have been talking on and off for over the past year and have seeing each other since this past June of this year.It seems that the feelings that we had for one another all those years are still there,but we are both married and have children. I know he loves me as much as i love him,but the situation we are in makes it hard to really be together.When we do spend the time together for 3 or more hours we talk and are around each other holding hands and it feels like nothing has changed except at the fact that we are both older now...We seem to have gotten closer the more time we spend together and tell each other constantly that we love one another by phone and through texting..What should i do i want to be with him and i know my life would be complete with him.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
7 Responses
Avatar universal
I'd suggest trying to stay away from him for your husband and children's sakes!  You don't know for sure that things will be this perfect picture you have in your head.  Old memories often make us nostalgic.  Put some distance between the two of you and do not contact one another for sake of your individual marriages.  Neither of your partners deserve this.
Avatar universal
Ditto thatquietgirl!!

Your spouses don't deserve this but that's secondary to the Children.  How many Children between the two of You are going to be devastated by this????  and if the two of You are willing to betray so many People here, well then, how can You feel committed or trustful of One Another??   These are important questions.  Your life would not be "complete" with Him as You state - a situation like this BEGS too much pain for EVERYONE involved (Spouses, Children, Both of You) that You are not foreseeing and that would strain Your relationship beyond Your comprehension.  My personal opinion:  Don't do this!!  it would be a TERRIBLE mistake!!  and would hurt too many innocent Children!!
3149845 tn?1506631371
Both Tink and quitgirl are right on. Your fooling yourself about this. It didnot work before and the same problems that came up with him in the past will come up again. Your a mature woman with responsibilites now, not a 16 year old girl anymore. This is a terrible thing that both of you are doing. Hiding, cheating, lieing, and the point about holding hands is ridiculous and immature. You say nothing has changed as only are older now, this is as far from the truth i hope. With age comes wisdom and if you missed this part of maturing then God help you both as your lives will end up as a 16 year old brain in and adult body. You both are also breaking the law, its called Adultery. Get real and be responsible
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  I am not too romantic when it comes to relationships.  I'm more practical in nature.  Love is just an emotion like any other and we do not have to let it rule us.  

You are married,  He is married.  That is a fact that dooms any chance of this working out at this time.  Too much baggage.  If you were to leave your spouses, take a break from seeing him until the divorce is final (including texting, email, facebook, etc.)---  then perhaps there would be a chance.  Otherwise, you sadly would be starting a relationship with him under a cloud of shame and guilt.  Your kids would resent it.  You'd never fully trust each other because deep down, you both know what the other is capable of (cheating).  It just rarely works out.  (remember, I'm practical).  

But if you end your marriage and he ends his.  Take that break and start over when the dust settles (after both divorces are final)--  then it would be okay to pursue each other and see where it goes.  

Otherwise, this is just fantasy that will ruin your life and his.  It's not worth it.

If you aren't going to divorce (which even if you don't end up with him, you probably should consider because your marriage will never go back to where it was with this in your conscience and obviously, your marriage has issues or you do to step outside of it like this)---  then you need to cut off all contact immediately.

It takes self control to do that.  But we ask our kids, our spouses, and all in life to have self control.  We need to have it ourselves.  good luck
Avatar universal
Sorry, but you made a vow to another man and plus you have children with him.  This ex is married as well too.  Don't pursue this.  

Why play with fire?  You should definitely END all contact with this ex and wish him well.  
3959157 tn?1349444228
I know people will agree with me on these one. People change as they get older they are not the same as they were in high school or whatever grade your were in when you met him. You never know what he is like behide closed doors. 1: He could be like he his around people 2: he could beat you and ect... 3: or he could do thing that would change your life for ever. You are happiend married and have kids i would not thow that all way just to found out laterr that this guy is not the person you thought he was
3060903 tn?1398568723
You say that your life would be complete with your old boyfriend. What is missing in the relationship that you have with your husband, and what is missing in the relationship your old boyfriend has with is wife. I would agree that if you need to divorce your husband, and he needs to divorce his wife, then after a respectful amount of time (for the children), you could try a relationship with your old boyfriend. What you did was wrong, by initiating a personal relationship behind your spouses backs, I wonder how you both would feel should the shoe be on the other foot?  If you have any respect for yourselves and your children and your spouses, you will stop this inappropriate affair, and deal with the reality that you have both chosen. Best wishes to you both, separately.
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