Help with desire

[PapaThug]

Can a dead physical relationship be rekindled when there is no attraction or desire.to have sex with my wife.

[PapaThug]

Sorry I didnt mean to ignore your question. Yes she does but we are separated now and even when we were together it had been years since we had sex.

[boognell]

Here's a question I have asked but remains unanswered: does your wife want to have sex with you? Maybe you are as revolting to her as she is to you. Sexually speaking, of course.

[Londres70]

Yes, of course there is such a thing as a sex therapist.  I would encourage you consult one to help you to "figure out" why you have this aversion to have sex with your wife.  

Yes, I would agree that would be a shame to throw 38 years of marriage away based on this.  

[PapaThug]

Thank you all for the response to my dilema. I appreciate the fact that you took time to give me your advice.

[PapaThug]

Yes I am sexually attracted to other women. But as for my wife, I not only attracted to her I have almost a revulsion toward the thought of having sex with her.

I am 57 and want a sexual relationship. I would love it to be with my wife if I could rid myself of the obstacles.

I am sick to my stomach each time I think of the 38 years being tossed aside because of this issue but I just dont know how to go about wanting sex with her.

I want to live the rest of my life with her but the sex is the thing I have no desire for with her.

Is there such a thing as sex therapy?

[PapaThug]

Yes I am sexually attracted to other women. But as for my wife, I not only attracted to her I have almost a revulsion toward the thought of having sex with her.

I am 57 and want a sexual relationship. I would love it to be with my wife if I could rid myself of the obstacles.

I am sick to my stomach each time I think of the 38 years being tossed aside because of this issue but I just dont know how to go about wanting sex with her.

[Londres70]

Depends on why this came about.  

Are you having any medical issues that could be influencing your sex life and/or sex drive?  

Are you sexually attracted to other women and just not your wife?  

[RockRose]

My guess is no.  Just from reading your initial post,  the answer is no.

Do you have any desire - whatsoever - to rekindle your relationship?  

[boognell]

Maybe you need couples therapy. Does your wife want to have sex with you? If she doesn't either, maybe you both need divorce attorneys. Unless you are so compatible that the sexual component is irrevelant; however, since you wrote this question, I doubt it. Good luck to both of you and God bless!

[brice1967]

I think it can.  My personal opinion is this.... we let life get in the way of our marriages, sometimes.  We take each other for granted in our marriages.  It is like, we have them... they are there, so is the house, the dog, the kids, the cars, the mortgage.... and all of that kind of removes us from our situation.

The woman you married was at one point in time, the most important thing in the world and probably still is at some level.  You can probably feel that in your heart, but all of that other stress gets in the way.  I learned that they "honeymoon" stage typically lasts about 2 years on average.  Then everything kind of settles in.

When that happens, we have to crank up all of the old things we did to win this woman.  Eventually, it all comes back.  All of the little things she used to do starts to show up again.... the little stuff we used to do becomes a lot easier to do.  Even the most established of relationships/marriages need attention.  Life draws that attention away.

Seek the help of a marriage counselor and or read a ton of self help books for ideas.  There is a book out there called "The 5 Love Languages".  It helped big time in my marriage.  It allowed me to see what "languages" my wife likes and what I like.  We were then able to communicate that to each other and things have been smoking ever since.

Good luck!!!