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Avatar universal

Honesty

My husband comes to me two nights ago and tells me he got a friend request on Fb from some woman from his home town. She looks much older then him in her pic he said but may be an ex from high school. I look at pic with him say I think she is about his age ( he looks younger)  Said it can't be ex b/c different last name DUH she is married it said her maiden name too. Now, I commend him for being so honest with me. And things are going great with us. IT is just that I thought things were going great before two. You see he seems to get caught up in the attention of other people. I realize it stems from insecurity from childhood being abandoned and all but he said he is no way insecure in our relationship now. The thing is it is eating at me. I guess this is the true test of his honesty. But I hate feeling this way.
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Avatar universal
that is suppose to say I thought things were going great before I found out about the two incidents one with co worker and one with client.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What about your insecurities??  Under the circumstances that should take priority. I'm not suggesting He is up to something BUT he doesn't "need" this contact and should back off from it if You still have difficult or uncomfortable feelings.  I would bet He would be willing not to accept this friend request if You are able to say to Him that You'd rather He not.  It wouldn't be a sacrifice on His part to ignore the request. You are not accusing Him of anything it's just that You still feel fragile.  I think it's a good thing He let You know about this but it should be okay with Him if You prefer Him not to go there.  Communication is the key - Your key is admitting You are still fragile - His key is ignoring this friend request for Your sake.
Let us know how it turns out.
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Avatar universal
Ah..... a couple of things.  First off, it's positive that he brought it to your attention. Secondly, voicing your opinion and telling him how you feel is key.  I think Tink nailed it.
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Avatar universal
He+alreay+declined+it+without+me+having+to+ask+him+to.+He+knows+how+I+feel+and+is+making+evey+effort+possible+to+make+me+comfortable.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
lovemykids (not sure what is up with all the plus signs in your answer . . . LOL)------ but that is GREAT news!  He just told you about it and then declined it.  He kept you in the "know".  This is awesome.  But . . .  you have that bit of a question mark inside you now so that every time something like this comes up, it nags at you.  That stinks.  I'm hoping that this will eventually go away for you.  The time that passes in which he is true blue should help!

For the record, I am not a facebook fan.  I think it has caused a lot of issues for relationships and marriages.  It also opens up a new avenue for someone who is tempted to be tempted.  Yuck.  Who needs that?  I say NO to facebook.  

good luck and I'm glad he did the right thing!  I think your feelins about it are normal.
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Avatar universal
That IS great news!!  and should give You great comfort!!??
I'm curious about the plus signs too - does this signify positive feeling for You?
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Avatar universal
lol the plus signs are b/c I answered from my cell so I guess it placed them in there. Why? I do not know.  Yes, it does make me feel much better and specialmom, I hope in time these feelings dissipate. I  know people say work on your self confidence and I am doing that. You would think that the attention I get would make me feel better but the only one's attention or feelings that I care about are my husbands and until I am positive this will not happen again I guess part of me will always worry if I am truly enough.
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Avatar universal
Okay, when do your really ever get over being paranoid?  This woman keeps contacting my husband. He lets me know every time but it is starting to t me off. I mean have friends from high school and even a few ex boyfriends who contact but it is just hi how are you hows the fam, maybe a few silly comments but this woman has a motive even Mr Naive picked up on it. WE blocked her from his fb but some how she still pms him. Gave him the story how she has been married 3x and 2 were abusive how she should not have dumped him in high school for the jerk first husband and so on. He messaged back sorry to hear that. I am married for 20 years have 4 kids, live in NY yada yada . Would not change a thing. Good hearing from you hope things go better God bless. 10 min later she is back asking for his phone #.  He ignored it and so far no more messages today. But it is eating me up inside. I will not allow him to see how much it is getting to me b/c he is not giving me any reason not to trust him but man if I could get a hold of this woman... Why do some women feel it is okay to go after married men?
Helpful - 0
1512574 tn?1342608485
I am a happily married man for over 37 years.  I would guess that women who go after married men is because of a few reasons.  One, is because they are thought of as "Off Limits" due to being married.  two is because they are a challenge for some women who want something they can't have.  Three and probably most important is that if the Married man has an affair, it is not something he can tell anyone about in fear of that getting out and to his family...so a married man who does cheat has to much to lose and the women chaser probably knows that.

I will even go a step further and this is only my opinion...I have been married to my wife longer than I have been single.  I have two grown kids who are married.  I have an important job in government.  To do something in LUST that would lose everything I worked for all of my life...something that I have put all of my effort into making a good life with my family so that some women **** can get her needs satisfied at my expense is a man that has no respect for all that he has.

Finally, when it all comes down to the Lust part of making Love...how great is it to be with the one you love and share the moment of intamacy with eachother that is so special rather than with a women who you do not love but want because you need to prove something to yourself...that is pretty shallow.

I am sorry, I know it's not my place as a man to criticise anyone but I was raised to respect a women...especially the one I love.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
So here is what I would do.  Your husband is on the up and up and being honest with you.  He sends her one last letter and says he is uncomfortable with her contacting him and would like her to stop.  Thank you.  

What can she say to that?  I'm sure your husband would be willing to do it.  He owes her nothing.  She is not a part of his life and nothing but a very vague memory.  Why waste his time dealing with her anymore----------- send off the above to her.  And if so inclined, he can add that any further correspondance is unwelcome.  No time with his busy family life for this kind of thing.  

Ask him to do it----------- she'd have to be unstable to pursue anything from there.  Don't let it get to you.  It is a good sign that your husband is up front with you and wanting to ditch her.  Grrrr.  Some people are so irritating such as this lady.  Grrrrr.  good luck
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Avatar universal
thank+you+both.+I+really+appreciate+it.+He+finally+got+her+blocked+from+his+site+so+I+hope+it+is+the+end.+I+guess+i+shuld+be+flattered+that+he+is+such+a+catch+lol+but+due+to+history+i+am+not.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
sorry about the plus signs. If I use my phone that is what happens only on this site. I do not know why.
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Avatar universal
Love,

I+personally+love +the+ Plus+signs.- Ha ha .

Sorry for answering late, but I am glad he declined the invite too and you got the heifer blocked!!!

PassionFlower09
Helpful - 0
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