INCONSISTENT FLIP FLOPPING BABY FATHER

[MsManders]

I found out about a week ago that I am pregnant and have a few questions, and venting to do.  Lol

When I got my blood work it stated that I was 5-6weeks.  Which would make me 7-8 weeks now.  But when I had the ultrasound last week they estimated that I was 5 weeks so basically 6weeks this week.  Is the blood results dead on because I'm pretty sure I'm only 6 weeks.

This will be my first.  I was feeling fine up until yesterday.  I have had no appetite since yesterday.  The thought of food makes me nauseous.  :( I have no desire to move from bed and overall feel crummy.  I took a bath thinking it'd relax or soothe me but no.  Overall my tummy is just not happy.  Might try some pepto.


Also, the father of my child is deploying tomorrow so I'll be doing this pregnancy alone.  I have no family in this state.  Me and him had split before finding out I was pregnant. He wants to be together.  Which is good I suppose but he makes NO effort to make this relationship work. He is always there for me financially but emotionally and as a couple he just isn't
  Just the other day he was supposed to come over and spend time with me.  He texts me and says he'll be late as he wants to go see his friend and his newborn.  I say ok and wait up for him
  He NEVER shows up.  No explanation. Nothing. Now I know for a fact he was at his friend's that night.  That's not the question but rather why he went straight home afterwards!!! WTF!?? And not tell me why.  Eventually he explained that he was feeling sick at the end of the night.  I just don't understand why he wouldn't let me know!! If I did so he'd be upset.  We argued about it and I explained that I just wanted to stay split.  Last night he texts me asking if I had a bathing suit.  I said no.  He immediately puts money in my account and asks that I join him and his kids to a waterpark.  I did.  It was a nice day and everything went well but this is always what happens. We will have normal and good days and then it's like Dr jekyl Mr Hyde.  The next day or evenm days following he can go without talking to me forever or seeing me but if I do the same he will get mad.  He fits his Gemini zodiac sign to a tee. He's not consistent with anything.  Before I got pregnant he talked constantly of wanting to have a baby, then he'd say he wants to wait, then say he wants a baby.  When I told him I was pregnant he described it as bittersweet because he's deploying then two days following says I should consider abortion because he'll be gone etc.  But now talks of wanting to start on another when he gets back! He does this constant flip flopping with EVERYTHING! It's so frustrating.  I've told him that I think he should consider medication but tells me he's against it.  :/ Just not sure if trying to work it out is worth it and if it is how can someone who is regularly inconsistent even become consistent?

[Jinx_777]

has he been deployed before??  if he is in a war zone and sometimes even if they are not, their whole personality can change and they can become unpredictable.  if he has ptsd that is a commitment you are going to have to be 100% sure you want to deal with.  it is very hard.

the fact that 'you cannot afford to move where your family is' tells me you are going to be relying on him too much financially and that will be your biggest mistake. no matter what, you need to be able to support yourself and now a child.  maybe you should use the time you have before the baby gets here to go to school or vocational training so you can become very independent.  it is a tough situation and sounds like it was before you became pregnant.  

[Londres70]

You sound very young.  

"He makes NO effort to make this relationship work."............red flag

"The next day or evenm days following he can go without talking to me forever or seeing me but if I do the same he will get mad."............red flag  

"Before I got pregnant he talked constantly of wanting to have a baby, then
he'd say he wants to wait, then say he wants a baby."...........red flag

Then the mother of them all............"When I told him I was pregnant he described it as bittersweet because he's deploying then two days following says I should consider abortion because he'll be gone etc"

He might be a "great dad," but it appears he isn't great with relationships, especially long, lasting STABLE relationships.......another red flag.

Will this person ever change?  Maybe or maybe not.  I wouldn't stick around HOPING he will change.  He has to want to change as well.  Simply someone telling him to change isn't going to work.  He pretty much showed you how he was BEFORE you got pregnant.  All the signs were there.  Just because he is fickled-minded doesn't necessarily mean he has a psych illness or that this something that can be "cured" with medication.  It could be related to his upbringing, etc.  That would have to be determined by a medical professional.

Are you working or going to school?  You should probably be finding a way to support yourself and this child being you are dealing with a guy who is not dependable.  I would say get independent COMPLETELY from this guy.  Do establish paternity as soon as possible so that you can get child support from him.  I would say you are going to be pretty much on your own raising this child apart from the occasional visits from this guy.  He is going to have to split his time between 3 different children from 3 different women.  

When someone shows you how he/she is BELIEVE them.  9 out of 10 times they aren't going to change just for you.  This man's pattern is crystal clear.

[specialmom]

Oh, ha ha.  I was really worried HE had a newborn.  Glad he doesn't!  Also glad that all is on track with baby.  All of that early stuff can be a tiny bit confusing and it gets more clear as you get further along to determine due date.  

Well, I'm not sure what to tell you.  I'm not sure that he will be there for you.  You are going to need a plan for how you will support yourself and the baby.  You can sue for child support and he SHOULD support his child--  but as you weren't married, that's about all the guaranteed financial support you can count on.  

So, hopefully you have a good job.  And a safe place to live and raise a child.  

the boyfriend may be there or he may not.  It really could go either way.  But with a child coming, you don't have the luxury of waiting for him to figure it out.  You need to get a plan together and do it without factoring him or any financial support from him into things.  If he is in your life, bonus!

I actually meant just support in general and not financial support.  Moms can be wonderful in the grandma role and could occasionally give you a break by babysitting and that kind of thing.  

good luck sweetie.  I hope this has a happy ending.  

[MsManders]

And as for family,they will not support me financially if I move to the other side of the country with them amd seeing as how id have to start all over and can't afford to uproot, I would need that from them

[MsManders]

No they aren't suggesting the baby isn't growing. Everything seems normal accordingto the ultrasound and yes, 6 weeks is what my time of conception shows.  Blood work just shows a week ahead.

Oh and no! I meant to go meet his friend's newborn.  He has a daughter from his early college years who he has custody of.  And the two youngest he has are from his marriage that lasted quite awhile.  There's bo question that he's a great father though.  He has a very big involvement with his children.  As for the failed relationships, his first born was simply a college hook up type of deal.  His marriage is really the only relationship id consider as a failed relationship

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sounds rough.

Well, the ultrasound is going to be most accurate in terms of dating the baby.  Does that still match up to the time you think you conceived?  Or are they suggesting that the baby isn't growing?  As in, the baby should be measuring 7 to 8 weeks but is still at 5 or 6?  I was a little unclear about that.

Okay, now the really hard part.  Sweetie, did you say he was late seeing you because he was visiting his newborn?  As in he has a newborn baby?  And he has other kiddos?  Like 'how many' and how many different moms?  

My best advice to you is to move to where your family is if you plan on keeping the baby.  He'll be deployed and it sounds like he has a bunch of kids with women he doesn't live with and you are about to become one of those I hate to say.   If he has other intentions, he can make them known after he returns from his deployment.  But you need support and help and I'd go to your family for that.  If it were me, that is what I'd do.  

That's a tough situation though.  but it doesn't sound like he is committed staying with someone based on having a kid with them based on his past history.  

good luck