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How did you survive a broken heart?
We have a quite a few people struggling with the aftermath of a broken relationship and now struggling with a broken heart? How did you handle the aftermath of picking up the pieces and the sting of a broken heart?
I have been through a heartbreak that has been on and off for about 2 years .
N,ways---I liked this guys who decided to leave me and marry another girl who apparently comes from a well to do family.... During our time together he didn’t treat me well..1-Dispised me, 2-Couldnt introduce me to people because he was ashamed of me,3-Would call me only if he wanted to have sex with me.. The most painful is when he would talk to his fiancé(then) in front of me or just leave me in the car waiting as he talks to her.4-When i went to his parents house i would have to wait outside the gate yet at mine i would let him come in....I stood all this because i loved him and thought he would love me back but all in vain...Through the endurance i lost weight, lost my self esteem and failed some of my exams because i was depressed and i would find my self crying out of the blue....
Just because i was desperate to get over him, I tried to find love again by hooking another guy who i had known since high school but there was no chemistry. I traveled from Africa to US to visit him but he also turned out to be a jerk.. I dint hurt at all since i didn’t exactly like him...Maybe we hooked up so that i could get over the other one... The jerk also cheated on me but i was stronger this time and i knew i couldn't take his $$t, so i ended the relationship immediately.
When i came back from the US my ex called me (the one who got married)and we linked up again for a week and he told me how he still loves me and he is empty without me. He says his marriage was mistake that he regrets but doesn’t mention divorce. Honestly i enjoyed every moment we had together but i still felt a fool for seeing him after all the pain he put me through. Seeing his ring broke me inside and i felt a loser again... I painfully broke it off because it was the right thing to do, as much as it was difficult. By the way, he is in a long distance marriage and now i am thinking he came back to use me again because he doesn’t live with his wife... The whole idea of us together dint feel right, hence, i have told him to back off and never call me or text me again....He begged me but i am not giving him a chance ....
As i write this...I want to begin a new journey of accepting he will never be mine and hoping someday i will be lucky with love because honestly i don’t think i have found that person who loves me & i love them back its always one way...and some times i am forced to think maybe love is the hardest thing to find coz i am almost 30 and have never found it..... I don’t want to give up ... still wishing i can find that special person where our hearts will beat as one......
People have told me that you don’t necessarily have to marry some one you love and it worried me coz I really want to marry for love, somebody where our hearts beat as one.. coz otherwise i don’t think i will be happy if i don’t....
Let end here, Good luck to all my girls. I hope we find those people meant for us and we don’t have to hurt ever again
N,ways---I liked this guys who decided to leave me and marry another girl who apparently comes from a well to do family.... During our time together he didn’t treat me well..1-Dispised me, 2-Couldnt introduce me to people because he was ashamed of me,3-Would call me only if he wanted to have sex with me.. The most painful is when he would talk to his fiancé(then) in front of me or just leave me in the car waiting as he talks to her.4-When i went to his parents house i would have to wait outside the gate yet at mine i would let him come in....I stood all this because i loved him and thought he would love me back but all in vain...Through the endurance i lost weight, lost my self esteem and failed some of my exams because i was depressed and i would find my self crying out of the blue....
Just because i was desperate to get over him, I tried to find love again by hooking another guy who i had known since high school but there was no chemistry. I traveled from Africa to US to visit him but he also turned out to be a jerk.. I dint hurt at all since i didn’t exactly like him...Maybe we hooked up so that i could get over the other one... The jerk also cheated on me but i was stronger this time and i knew i couldn't take his $$t, so i ended the relationship immediately.
When i came back from the US my ex called me (the one who got married)and we linked up again for a week and he told me how he still loves me and he is empty without me. He says his marriage was mistake that he regrets but doesn’t mention divorce. Honestly i enjoyed every moment we had together but i still felt a fool for seeing him after all the pain he put me through. Seeing his ring broke me inside and i felt a loser again... I painfully broke it off because it was the right thing to do, as much as it was difficult. By the way, he is in a long distance marriage and now i am thinking he came back to use me again because he doesn’t live with his wife... The whole idea of us together dint feel right, hence, i have told him to back off and never call me or text me again....He begged me but i am not giving him a chance ....
As i write this...I want to begin a new journey of accepting he will never be mine and hoping someday i will be lucky with love because honestly i don’t think i have found that person who loves me & i love them back its always one way...and some times i am forced to think maybe love is the hardest thing to find coz i am almost 30 and have never found it..... I don’t want to give up ... still wishing i can find that special person where our hearts will beat as one......
People have told me that you don’t necessarily have to marry some one you love and it worried me coz I really want to marry for love, somebody where our hearts beat as one.. coz otherwise i don’t think i will be happy if i don’t....
Let end here, Good luck to all my girls. I hope we find those people meant for us and we don’t have to hurt ever again
I had my heart broken, really broken, for the first time when I was in college. I kept trying to start a serious relationship with a friend of mine. He presented himself, the entire time we were hanging out, as this really liberal, open-minded man of the world, but it turned out, once I tried to move things forward, he was not at all what he seemed.
He was a religious fundamentalist who was always pressuring me to believe exactly what he did, learn his language, everything... even dress differently, be super-submissive, etc.
It was extremely difficult to get over, because he was the first man I ever loved, but I realized that I loved myself too much to lower myself to his level of ignorance/backwardness just to "get the guy". NO ONE is THAT much of a prize. NO ONE. You cannot try to "gain" someone by trading yourself away. Knowing intellectually that I was better off without him, though, didn't make it any easier. I wanted to kill myself. I saw a shrink instead. And I did a ton of creative stuff.
Something that is very hard to "get" but true is this: whatever relationship you have just gotten out of, you are better off without. Maybe not in the short term, but in the long run. Even if it was "your fault" (by the way, it is almost never solely "your fault") that it ended, this will open your life up to totally new possibilities. And most importantly, it will strengthen you to be on your own for a while.
Don't even think about being in a relationship right away. Decide to give up on love for a bit. It is the best thing you can do for yourself (at least it worked for me) ... focus on filling the space left behind with things other than romantic love. Give yourself a timeline. I committed to not date or hook up or anything for 2 years. 12 months is a good minimum.
I wrote a TON after all this, took some art classes, and started a business.
You don't "need" romantic love. You only think you do. Friends and family are more important. And maybe those relationships suffered a bit while you were with your now-ex? Time to repair them. And to make new friends if you need them. FRIENDS. NOT lovers.
By the way, I am now engaged (to a different guy), and I am happy.
That said, if he should ever leave me, I would survive. It would hurt like a son of a b**** for a while, I would be miserable...but then I would get over it.
You will get over it, too.
I promise you.
He was a religious fundamentalist who was always pressuring me to believe exactly what he did, learn his language, everything... even dress differently, be super-submissive, etc.
It was extremely difficult to get over, because he was the first man I ever loved, but I realized that I loved myself too much to lower myself to his level of ignorance/backwardness just to "get the guy". NO ONE is THAT much of a prize. NO ONE. You cannot try to "gain" someone by trading yourself away. Knowing intellectually that I was better off without him, though, didn't make it any easier. I wanted to kill myself. I saw a shrink instead. And I did a ton of creative stuff.
Something that is very hard to "get" but true is this: whatever relationship you have just gotten out of, you are better off without. Maybe not in the short term, but in the long run. Even if it was "your fault" (by the way, it is almost never solely "your fault") that it ended, this will open your life up to totally new possibilities. And most importantly, it will strengthen you to be on your own for a while.
Don't even think about being in a relationship right away. Decide to give up on love for a bit. It is the best thing you can do for yourself (at least it worked for me) ... focus on filling the space left behind with things other than romantic love. Give yourself a timeline. I committed to not date or hook up or anything for 2 years. 12 months is a good minimum.
I wrote a TON after all this, took some art classes, and started a business.
You don't "need" romantic love. You only think you do. Friends and family are more important. And maybe those relationships suffered a bit while you were with your now-ex? Time to repair them. And to make new friends if you need them. FRIENDS. NOT lovers.
By the way, I am now engaged (to a different guy), and I am happy.
That said, if he should ever leave me, I would survive. It would hurt like a son of a b**** for a while, I would be miserable...but then I would get over it.
You will get over it, too.
I promise you.
Wow, that is a sure winner (sarcasm here), he is such a jerk. Glad he's out of your life for good. You deserve much better.
Thank you for sharing and what an inmature JERK! You are a wise woman and hoping in a better place now. Judy
My worst breakup was a living nightmare. It was two years ago but sometimes that creep still haunts my memories. First let me say that I am an only child who grew up in a tiny town. Me and the super ex started dating my senior year of high school. He was kind of a bad-boy...you know how that goes. Anyway, he pretended to be a loving, honest boyfriend who really loved me. He gave me a promise ring and everything. You can imagine how that feels to a high school girl. Ugh! Well he actually ended up screwing me over in soooooo many ways. Oh, where to begin. How about a list? Here goes: 1) He was constantly cheating on me with trashy girls (eventhough he sucked in bed). 2) He was a compulsive liar. 3) He was abusive on every level. I was NOT fat but he made me feel like I was. My boobs were too small, my butt was too big, etc. When he would drink, he usually got rough with me. And when I caught him cheating all those times, he would throw me around and yell. 4) He needed money for a late car payment and I begged my mom to take it out of my college account for him. Eventhough we had the money, my mom didn't want to give it to him because she couldn't stand him. She gave it to him anyway as long as he made some kind of effort to pay her back. She said a dime a week would suffice, as long as he was making the effort. We never saw a penny of it. 5) He used me for my money, my car, and my body. 6) I flunked an entire year of college because he needed me to take him to work, pick him up for lunch, and take him home. 7) I lost almost all contact with my friends and family because of my relationship with him. 8) He stole the ring my dad gave me for my 18th birthday and pawned it so he could buy who knows what. 9) I never got a Christmas, Valentine, or birthday present. There was always an excuse for why...it never came in the mail, you pissed me off so I decided not to give it to you, etc. 10) He would tell his friends that we weren't dating, that I just couldn't stand to be away from him.
Was some of this my fault? Oh yeah! But I learned from my mistakes. I let my anger fuel me to push through the sadness and start moving forward. I realized how badly he was holding me back and I deserved better. I was not so naive anymore. I let myself see the beauty on the inside and out. I let myself blossom as a woman. Yeah, I cried and I endured the self pity but there comes a time when you have to bite the bit and make yourself get up. I refused to let a low life like him keep me down. There's nothing wrong with wanting to swim in the darkness for awhile, it's part of dealing with a broken heart. But when you discover how much inner strength you DO have, you can burst out into a new light. Then, hopefully, you'll have the same luck I did. I found a beautiful, strong, truly honest man to love. I have never experienced something so wonderful in my life. He is really one of the good ones...one of the treasures we all seek. Having someone like him in my life has helped me in so many ways. My life has gotten so wonderful because of him. Live for yourself ladies, but don't be afraid to love again. Be strong always, and guard your heart.
Was some of this my fault? Oh yeah! But I learned from my mistakes. I let my anger fuel me to push through the sadness and start moving forward. I realized how badly he was holding me back and I deserved better. I was not so naive anymore. I let myself see the beauty on the inside and out. I let myself blossom as a woman. Yeah, I cried and I endured the self pity but there comes a time when you have to bite the bit and make yourself get up. I refused to let a low life like him keep me down. There's nothing wrong with wanting to swim in the darkness for awhile, it's part of dealing with a broken heart. But when you discover how much inner strength you DO have, you can burst out into a new light. Then, hopefully, you'll have the same luck I did. I found a beautiful, strong, truly honest man to love. I have never experienced something so wonderful in my life. He is really one of the good ones...one of the treasures we all seek. Having someone like him in my life has helped me in so many ways. My life has gotten so wonderful because of him. Live for yourself ladies, but don't be afraid to love again. Be strong always, and guard your heart.
We all have experience what you are going through and if said he would check back with you in three days and now it's three week, it speaks volumns. The chances that he is being unfaithful is hugh. We as woman have to step back when it gets to the point where it is becoming emotionally debilitating. Never give a man that much power of your emotions. I would not contact him again. Let him take the first step and if he doesn't then you know he has to be with someone else. Make sure that he keep a relationship and financially support your son. We are here for you if you need to just talk. Judy
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