Relationship Advice

[Michael_D_2013]

My currently with my partner 12 years and we have two kids, we don't really get on that well, we spend weekends together with the kids in parks etc and its fine. My problem and maybe I'm being selfish but the relationship has no love or sex or hugs, nothing! We are like 2 people that don't really like each other that much that are together for the kids! We sleep in separate rooms and over the last 12 months I have gotten a lot of anxiety due to being unhappy in the relationship which she makes fun of me about and calls me names for having this, I tried to explain to her but she doesn't care, also on the sex I have asked countless times if we can have sex and I mean over 300 and its always no thanks you can pull yourself and take care of that, which I try and tell her is not the same as I miss being intimate! Our kids are 8 and 4 so the last time there was sex was for out baby, she never spends any of her own money just my credit card as I make a lot of money and she makes very little as only works 3 hours a day part time, jesus I really don't know what to do, do I accept this and just hang on until the kids are 18? im currently 39 and she is 38, also she has a temper and gets mad, nothing serious as I just laugh at her but she hits me with wooden spoons, brushes, kicks , spits sometimes but its pretty rare

No idea has anyone been in such a situation but any help or advice would be great

Thanks

[specialmom]

I am wondering what work has really been done on the relationship.  It takes two.  I would guess that she also does not feel happy.  You've set up a home together and I presume she feels it is hers and yours and while she works three hours a day only, does she spend time caring for kids, doing housework, etc.?  So, the financial arrangement of a married couple is less of a consideration to me than the intimacy.  I would imagine, unless she is made of wood, that she too would like a relationship with more intimacy.  Men often equate that to sex while women are often equate intimacy to an emotional connection.  The both go hand in hand, really.  So, if you focus on giving HER emotional intimacy, perhaps the sexual intimacy you desire will follow.  

So, what do you do to connect to her emotionally?  

My suggestion is to tell her you want to be close on all levels.  Ask her what she needs for that.  LISTEN.  And try to do that.

My interest in physical intimacy goes WAY up when I feel nurtured and cared for.  

Before any relationship with kids ends, I believe in doing everything you can and asking to see a therapist together, admitting our OWN part in the demise of things and working on that, etc.  needs to be done.  So, maybe she would see a therapist for you and some healing work can be done.  If you both desire to be a couple again.  good luck

[CurfewX]

You are in a one-sided relationship that benefits her, but does little to nothing for you.  This doesn't seem at all healthy to me - not one thing about it.

Hitting you and spitting at you, even if rare, is totally unacceptable and shows a lack of respect for you, probably contempt.  I'd leave while you still can.   I don't see any way that this relationship is healthy or will work out.

[AnnieBrooke]

Staying together "for the good of the kids" while modeling an unhappy and disinterested relationship is actually not for the good of the kids, they will copy what they see and have crappy relationships when they grow up.  Better to get out and get happy.