How do you forgive?

[Jennifer1987]

So if a boyfriend cheated an a lot of hurt happened, and the relationship is finished now how do you forgive???

Is that the only way to get rid of anxiety!

I call it hatetrid, anger, resentment!

Do I need to forgive my ex and the person he slept/cheated with???

Then how does a person build up her confidence and self esteem??

[mami1323]

I don't agree with once a cheater always a cheater either.  I think some people learn from certain experiences.  But 2 months, even though seems like a long time, it really isn't that long.  Light that fire girl....lol.

[Jennifer1987]

No it made sense, Not everyone who cheats do it all the time, sure I know that!! When he told me he cheated I was like what the he!!, and when I got angry when I thought about it I "I dont care, il cheat on him"... Revenge, just couldn't do it! Even though on nights out I had fellas chattin me up and stuff I always said sorry I have a bf!

I know what yer all sayin, it takes time! Im expectin a quick fix by being out of the relationship! Was hoping the be ok after a few weeks but sure its nearly 2 months now and I dont feel any different!

And you'll never guess what, I was reading our local outlook and was flicking through the pics and low and be hold her ugly head is in it! I still see red when I see her! Needless to say that page will be used to light the fire LOL!

[Ariom63]

I agree with mami alot on this subject..you cannot force forgiveness.  Time is the key here.  Will it get rid of all the anxiety...depends if that is where your anxiety is coming from..and then it all depends. It might just go away and it might not. But you can start telling yourself, you are not the one who cheated here and there is nothing wrong with you. He went out and did that, no one forced him too it was his own choice. Although we fall in love and believe that our mate loves us back the same...sometimes that is not how it happens.  

One thing I beg to differ with is the nasty old statement..."Once a cheater always a cheater."  NOT TRUE. Only reason I say this is because I have cheated on someone I was in a 9 yr relationship with and YES I looked him in the eye each and every day and told him how much I loved him. but I cheated....not  because there was something "wrong" with him, but there was something missing for me.  I gained nothing from cheating on him, I only lost myself but I also found myself at the same time. Yes our relationship ended and even though I did what I did..I thought I would never be the same. 9 yrs with the same person...but I did survive and did learn alot of why I did what I had done. I truly was not in love with him.  I was looking for something and thought the other man had it. but all along it was me not my mate, nor the man I had the affair with. I forgave myself first. I am human, and we all make mistakes.  Sometimes those mistakes hurts others in the process but we don't think about that in the moment. You will trust again...but it takes time.  For some they recoup quicker than others. I just knew that for me I didn't want another relationship..not for some time. I needed time for me.  I was not happy....because if I was I would have never strayed. I learned that just because 2 people are in a relationship it doesn't mean it will last forever..there is no law that states that. You have to respect one another, listen to one another, be there for each other. But in our relationship that was not the case.  He gave more importance to his friends and the 'Social circle", so I found it quite easy to throw the blame on him and that is why I did what I did. But in the long run..I have never cheated again.  because I did find someone I truly fell in love with, someone worth keeping and caring for. Someone who believes in me and allows me to be myself.  

I could go on and on....but you have to forgive yourself for taking blame for his actions.  You are young and beautiful and some man will see that and love you unconditionally.  As for the other woman, let it go....hatred is an ugly monster and in the end will only consume you...not her!  Because if it did she would have never slept with him. You don't have to forgive him nor her..let it go and love yourself. When we are happy and love our selves it makes it so much healthier to be in a relationship.  Nothing you can do will turn back time...don't even start thinking..if only I had done this, if only I had that, etc.  

begin a new chapter on loving yourself and you will find that one true love..someone who is going to love you back...someone you can trust!  

It is hard but you can do it.  You have to heal and there is no speeding up the process.  You can let go and let go of the past! Live in the now.....you are going to be okay!!!!  

Some of this might not make sense, but this is coming from the other person..the one who cheated...and it hurts us too.  If it doesn't make sense forgive me..it is sooo early here.

Hugs

[Nutkin]

I agree & hope you start to move forward and feel better :)

[Jennifer1987]

Thanks, That made me feel better! just so sick of feeling sorry for myself! The anxiety Im experiencing is desperate and I dont know what its down to :-(

I read this the other day

" A person who is always looking back never moves forward"

Makes a lot of sense I think!

[Judy246]

I applaud your courage too. There is nothing worse than being in a state of heartbreak. It isolates you from the world and you feel as if you will never be the same. It's a loss that will take time and we have to also grieve our loss, but there is so much hope out there. You will trust again at the right time. You both are going to be alright....one day at a time.