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Avatar universal

How to not want to be in a relationship?

So if you saw any of my last posts you know that I'm a freshman and I'm going through a breakup, I've wanted a steady relationship for a long time but it's nearly impossible to find at my age. When I'm with someone it gives me a lot of anxiety, and I know boys my age are really immature. I just miss having someone to hold me and kiss me and for me to lean on and talk too and experience all the milestones with. I want that so bad and I can't stop searching for it. I feel like I come across as boy crazy but all I want is one high school sweetheart, I know that's hard to find but I can't help but not give up. I end up getting heart broken over and over again because relationships aren't lasting long, and I want it so bad. I try to focus on school, and I play volleyball but I always go back to worring about ending up alone and I know I shouldn't be thinking about it but it's always there. Does anyone have any advice?please
3 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome.  Well, lots of women fall into this trap.  Their life revolves around guys and wanting to be with them.  In truth, it is a rat race until you stop and learn who you are WITHOUT a man in it.  You then become a person that can pick someone because you really like them rather than need them.  I'd just take a break from dating and guys altogether.  And focus on you.  Work out, make good girl friends that you hang out with, spend time with family, explore your hobbies and passions, and work really hard in school.  You will become a stronger person rather than someone that is, yes, boy crazy.

That's what I'd try to do if I were you.  good luck hon
13167 tn?1327197724
I wrote a whole post to you thinking you were a college freshman.

You aren't.  You're a high school freshman.  

Focus on your girl friends.  What you want is a lot of girlfriends.  

And also,  the volleyball team.  Or the basketball team.  Or Spanish club.  Or band,  or Orchestra.  

You are WAY too young to focus your life on finding a boy.  That will come much later.
Avatar universal
Oh girl, I  sympathize. 11 years ago, I went through the same thing. Here's what I knew deep down but couldn't accept.

Understand that all high school boys are not yet mature enough to give you what you want. In fact most college guys won't be at the level you are looking for till they are over the age of 25. Frustrating but true.

The guy you are looking for is going to value all the amazing things that make you, you. You like Disney movies? Future dude will think that's great. Cherish baseball games with your family? Future dude will love going along! You speak another language? You are going to rock the socks off future dude's mom! This is my way of reiterating what the other wise women have said; invest in you.

I would highly recommend experiencing all of your milestones with your friends. Almost no one stays with their high school sweetheart forever, which is a good thing none of us are at our greatest during those years. You can reminisce with friends or talk openly to a future partner about all the fun you and your friends had. But for me and a lot of my girlfriends, we wish we could erase the high school boyfriend from our memories.

I know that this response might not resonate with you. I tried thinking about what would have struck a chord with me as a teen. (Answer: nothing!) But you are mature enough to ask for advice, so you might be mature enough to receive it.

You WILL find someone...in 10+ years or so and that is a good thing! In the meantime ou will live an exciting, fulfilling life. What worked for me was planning long term goals that were more easily achievable while I was single: studying abroad, extra curriculums, volunteering, part time employment. Best of luck to you!
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