Husbands Mid Life Crisis!

[Elba2]

I've been married for 40 years to a kind, good man who is 60. The last few years we had drifted apart and I thought he may have an affair. However I could never have anticipated exactly how bizarrely he would behave. He has been going to a chinese massage parlour, has had sex there and has left home for the Chinese massage woman whom he says he loves, she loves him and are going to live together. He has been renting an apartment for her. He has thrown out all his clothes to dress differently. He boldly and deliberately told my best friend all about his new life and about this 45 year old woman appearing very proud and pleased with himself. He was also seen at the same time online on a dating site saying he is 10 years younger and that he has no children ( we have two grown up children and grandchildren)
He is behaving like a stupid teenager and bringing hurt and very much embarrassment to our family. I just need some positive support please. I'm trying to remember that he isn't trying to deliberately hurt me and that its all about him not me.

[Londres70]

"I just need some positive support please. I'm trying to remember that he isn't trying to deliberately hurt me and that its all about him not me."..................How can anyone do this to his/her spouse in the mindset that this isn't deliberately hurting him/her?  Yes, his actions are about him, but they are hurting you.  He's just not even considering you in the equation anymore and that's sounds deliberate to me.

Sounds like you are really in a bad place and all this is too overwhelming to process.  I think therapy would be a good start to help you sort this out and give you clarity.

I feel for you and hope you find a way to get through this the best way you can.

[Elba2]

Thank you. Yes lost is the right word. That my would husband would be so hurtful and boastfully tell my good friend 'everything' about his new life must come from deep insecurity, but it still feels like a stab to the heart. Yes I'm trying to make a new life, I remind myself that in the practical way it's the same as if I'd been widowed and I have to make a new life. It's just coming to terms with his hurtful behaviour. I know he has not set out to be malicious to hurt me. Thankyou your support, it helps me to see the facts through the feelings.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Oh, I'm very sorry to hear this.  Yes, it is all about him and his lack of 'something' inside driving him to do this.  He's throwing away his family.  Very sad.  

I have seen this happen before.  And I'm sure you feel very vulnerable and lost right now after so many years of marriage.  Please see a therapist and begin thinking of a new chapter of your own life.  

Know that lack of character causes a man to cheat.  And his choices are highly suspect to someone that has 'lost it' a bit.  

Please let us know how things transpire--  we are here to support you.  hugs