I am falling....for the wrong person???

[alvaa]

Ok, first off, I am so glad that there is a relationship forum here. I did not realize that until now. I am a clinically depressed person with anxiety disorder. I am a "family values republican"....whatever that means.

I got divorced in 2007. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I met a girl through school activities. She is 32 (I am 40) and at first I never thought anything about her. She was some woman with 4 kids. She also has tattoos which do not turn me on. The more I got to know her and her personality, the more I liked her. We joined on facebook and it got even more dramatic. She had issues, she had enemies. She has people busting out her car windows and stuff. She is very opposite than me. She has 4 kids from 3 men, one was an affair. She lived with a black man for a while (Let me get back to this). I found out stuff about her because I know the people she works for. She got pregnant in high school. I adore her! I adore her kids. They seem to like me. She asked me out and I am scared. The fact that she live with a black guy does not bother me at all but with the exception that I cannot "measure up" so to speak. I am not even above average for a white guy. She has all of this baggage but I would do anything for her. She is so awesome. I don't want to get hurt but I do not want to hurt her either. Can anyone give me some advice?

[specialmom]

Remember tinkerbells comments, love is a choice.  You can choose not to go down this path.  I think that you will end up with more than you can or want to handle.  

By the way, the divorce statistic for second marriages where kids are involved is 75%.  Three out of four end in another divorce.  Now, you don't know if you'll be that one out of four that makes it---  but smart choices right from the start sure do help your odds.  I just am mentioning that to appeal to your "republican family values" and divorce is bad kind of guy attitude.  :>)
good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

Alvaa, if you really think the "rescue fantasies" comment was it, then by no means should you date her.  There is a whole lot to be said for liking someone a lot and enjoying talking to them a lot, and not going any further into dating.  It gives you someone in your life that you always have a big smile for, and are glad to see in the hallway at school, and always like to talk to.  Without any past attempted relationship to mess up things, you get to think she is great forever.  Don't date her, just like her.  :)

ps -- After the first argument, the tattoos would really bug you.

[alvaa]

Well, the tattoos don't bother me. My ex-wife had 2. I really could fall for her, but I think about something else...If we date a while and it doesn't work out then I will lose a friend and simply adore her and her children and she is really good to my daughter.

[specialmom]

Ahhh,  well.  I think you've gotten really advice and it is unanimous.  Your having trouble with it because you have a crush.  your instincts are screaming to you that it is a bad move to get serious with her and that is why you posted.  We all agree with your instincts.  You can ignore that----  totally your right and we'll be here when you come crashing back to reality.  :>))  

In all truthfullness, I really worry about your daughter.  When the relationship goes South, your daughter will be left with her kids in school and that is just plain awkward.  Sure she's friendly.  I'm friendly to all of my kids friends and my friends kids.  Super friendly.  Good to them.  That is different than being their step parent.  Time would tell how that would go down with her and her children and their various parents.  It would be complicated to say the least.    good luck

[Londres70]

Ditto Specialmom's last post.  

Trust your gut that's telling you "no."  

[alvaa]

But I also think of this... What if everyone followed the crowd or "the right thing to do" which would be stay away from this girl? She would live a hard and lonely life with no mate to love, and always going down the right path. She seems to be wanting to get things going on the right track. She's attractive, she's a good person, she's a good mom, she's not shallow or a gold digger, she doesn't do drugs.