I don't love my husband and my child

[MNBVC13]

I've been married for 5 years. My child is 3 years old now. 3 month after she was born I learned that my husband cheated on me with his Ex. I found a letter from Family court which stated that she filed for child support for her daughter who is only six month older than mine. It was my husband's child.. Which they conceived after we got married.
I was shocked, I felt like my life was destroyed. I didn't divorce my husband, because I had this baby to care for. Plus I have no family in the US, but my husband, so I nowhere to go. I felt depressed, and tried to commit suicide. It took me a year to get use too idea that my live will never be the same, and family that I have always dreamed of will never happened to me. I am all better now, but unfortunately I don't have any love left for my husband. I can't stand him, every time I look at him I see person who lied to me while promised to make me happy.  having sex with him is a night mare for me. And the worst thing of all, I don't love my child. I feel like I got trapped into this life because of her. Every time I look at her, all I can think of is that if I didn't have her I would be free from this man, who betrayed me and destroyed my marriage. She loves her father very much, they are the best friends in the whole world.
I really want to leave my husband, but if I do what should I do about my daughter? I don't want people around me think that I am a bed mother if I leave her too. But If I take her with me she will be devastated; her father is everything for her.
I am lost, and don't know what to do.

[KATE535]

I have had experience within my wider-family of a mum who suffered depression. She felt she was a bad person and she didn't feel love for anyone - she was just numb by her illness. I think you may be suffering from a form of depression because of the pain this has brought you. The months after having a baby are very tender - for mum as well as baby - for something as horrible as this to have happened to you at this sensitive time - when your emotions are up and down, I am not surprised you became negative to all around you. Unfortulately this occurred around your child too and she has got caught up in it.
Yes you shouldn't ever feel you need to forgive your husband as he his a cheating scumbag ultimately, but I think you can find it within yourself, when you've left him and you no longer have to think about what he did by looking at him everyday, to love your child. She will only ever love you, unlike him - a liar, a cheat, a looser. She is **Worth So Much More than him**. Keep your pain and hate towards him seperate from your feelings for your daughter and you too will feel for her in different ways than him. All good feelings!!
I think you may be depressed, so your emotions are flat and numb.
You will heal - without him - with your daughter - when you are ready for her.
There is nothing wrong with leaving them temporarily to get your self better. Then go to her.
Really wish you well !! Your husband can Rot...
x

[MNBVC13]

Thank you all for your advice and support.
Telling the truth, I thought about leaving him for a while. I thought, maybe I feel that way because he is there all the time, and when I leave him everything will change. I am just afraid to live my daughter. What if I come back for her, and my husband won't let me take her?

[RockRose]

If you leave and then much later come back for her,  you probably don't stand much of a chance in the courts - although your daughter might  want to know you and interact with you.

I think the advise about depression was probably good - can you get help for clinical depression?

[AnnaE]

Your husband is a jerk. He is likely only manipulating the child to hurt you. Wht would he be a good parent, if he cannot work on his marriage. I would not leave a child with a person who betrayed her mother. I think you are depressed and confused. Please seek couseling that is positive. Possibly may take more than one try. Also seek a supprt group and a parenting group, so that you can realize how a child needs a dependable parent.

[SeriousSam]

With the thoughts you say you are having leave her and try to get joint custody with him as the primary.  To often parents who are depressed or suicidal try killing the child too when they are feeling down.  your child desrves better than yhat.

[SeriousSam]

Who gives a flip whether people think badly about you, why should it mattr if you do what is best for your child?  Who even cares in America where some forms of birth control last longer than marriages?

It sounds like the man is a lousy husband and a great father.  It happens.  Iam more concerned that you guys didn't seek counseling on an individual or marital basis