I have more expirience than my bf :/

Question

I wasn't quite sure which topic to choose for this...
but anyways....

so, I always try to be honest, which doesn't seem to always be the best choice.
The second day I was dating my boyfriend he asked me how many people I had slept with...
and instead of simply saying I didn't want to talk about that or something, I told him.
I'm not gonna say how many it was, but lets say it was more than him.  I imediatley felt like **** afterwords. 
I thought for sure he was gonna say see you later after that.  So to make matters worse (or who knows)
I started telling him how that's not really who I am and what I'm about and how I had given up on love at that point and I was just drunk... and blah blah blah I'll save you the boredom.. 

but I guess I was wondering, if it really matters.  Would you date a girl who has more sexual expirience than you?
I feel like such an idiot for telling him all that.  It is sincerely not me and I think he understands that... but who knows...  I just want someone elses opinion on the matter please.

specialmom · Answer

I think it is good that you are seeing the big picture.  It is a wonderful thing to be so introspective at a young age.  Questioning  why you had so many sexual partners may be happening now because you are now with a guy that you care about.  I'm so glad that he doesn't care and as the others have said, you don't need to tell anyone in the future.  You don't have to lie, just change the subject.  But the fact is that YOU care.  So, that means you have learned a valuable lesson in life.  That is called emotional growth.  Good for you!!

mayflowers · Answer

I don't think you need to tell anyone about your past lovers. Why would it matter to him or anybody? Are you having sex with other people as well as him? That would matter but not what you did before you became exclusive with him. All that matters is who you are today - not who you did last year.

BigFatPaulie · Answer

yeah, I didn't want to answer, but he put me on the spot.  lol.  It's not like I wasn't curious about him... I just didn't want to ask, because like you said... its nobodies business but his own/my own.  I don't think it matters to him all that much, honestly.  Or so he says.  Because after I told him, I got really upset and he said a lot of the stuff you guys said... that everyone has a past and that you can't change it.  I guess the fact that I had told him the truth wasn't the biggest part of what was bothering me, it's the fact that it was the truth in the first place.  But, stuff happens.  Needless to say, I haven't done anything like that in over a year, so I'm on the right track :D

PromisedLand · Answer

Judy says it right...we all have to understand that anybody we date is going to have a past...they haven't spent their entire life waiting for you..and I came to accept that early in my sexual life..yes, you wonder what went on between then but it is you and him now and possibly in the future and with most women that is what matters.  I've rarely had this conversation with my wife and I don't care...I love her, she loves me we've both had other partners and can't change that...over dwelling on this issue can cause problems that he will not want to have and can ruin a relationship.

Jim

jo929 · Answer

i think that i would have not answered his question it really was none of his business, in the future leave sex out of the conversation unless you have known him a long time and that question is not anyones business but yours  luck  jo

Judy246 · Answer

I was way more experienced than my fiance, which also included a previous engagement. I'm also older than he, he looks older than me (lol), anyway... I recommend that you avoid this type of conversation with him. It's natural to want to know the intimate past information from the person whom you love or just curiousity, but you have no reason to apologize or feel bad about your past. Tell him that we all have a past, but he is now the present and future and leave it at that and don't bring up the past b/f anymore, because it is a topic that will cause unecessary insecurities, jelousy's and unecessary self conscienceness.  Keep the past where it belongs...behind you both. Good Luck, Judy

specialmom · Answer

Well, if your boyfriend doesn't seem to care, then I think I would move on and not dwell on it.  If, however, you don't want to be "that" person that sleeps around a lot and has a high number of people you've been with, then I think you will have to stop doing that.  Make sure you only sleep with people you are in a real relationship with from here on out.  We can't change our past but we can change or future.  good luck