Aa
"I NEVER SAID THAT.."
Do any women had this issue?
I will be having a normal conversation with my boyfriend, and he tells me, "I have done that before/ that happened to me" than later on down the line the topic will come up again, and I'll say,"I remember you saying that you did this/this happened." and he will say something along the lines of, "What? I never said that."
Its seriously starting to bother me, to the point where I will CLEARLY remember word for word what he's said, and he will tell me he has NEVER said it. He will swear up and down he never mentioned it.
It almost makes me feel like he is lying to me, especially when it comes to him telling me things about himself, and than later on NATURALLY the topic comes up, and he will be like,"I have never said that."
Its making me feel a little insane..What should I do? Am I being way to crazy over this?
I will be having a normal conversation with my boyfriend, and he tells me, "I have done that before/ that happened to me" than later on down the line the topic will come up again, and I'll say,"I remember you saying that you did this/this happened." and he will say something along the lines of, "What? I never said that."
Its seriously starting to bother me, to the point where I will CLEARLY remember word for word what he's said, and he will tell me he has NEVER said it. He will swear up and down he never mentioned it.
It almost makes me feel like he is lying to me, especially when it comes to him telling me things about himself, and than later on NATURALLY the topic comes up, and he will be like,"I have never said that."
Its making me feel a little insane..What should I do? Am I being way to crazy over this?
I have a very strong feeling that he is the type who lies so much and so often about literally everything that comes out of his mouth that he can't keep it all straight in his head anymore. I really think that's what's going on here. That's why I again urge you to rethink whether it's worth being in a relationship with a guy who isn't capable of telling the truth about anything. You'll never know the truth about anything if you stay with this guy. That would drive me crazy having to put up with that on a daily basis, that's for sure!
In rereading through all these responses, I think you need to determine if he's truly unable to remember what he told you. I would suggest sitting down and saying I have something I really want to talk to you about, and I'm not just trying to pick on you.
When you say you don't remember telling me about the ex working at the restaurant, and didn't even remember which ex I was talking about, do you honestly not remember knowing that and telling me about it?
When you say you don't remember telling me about the ex working at the restaurant, and didn't even remember which ex I was talking about, do you honestly not remember knowing that and telling me about it?
It sounds like he is a pathological liar. He lies so much about literally everything that now he can't keep it straight in his head when he is lying and when he is telling the truth. So, instead of admitting he lied, he has started denying that he ever said it. This is a HUGE problem and yes, it's definitely worth breaking off the relationship.
Can you honestly see yourself with a guy who lies so much and so often that even he can't tell the difference between his lies and the actual truth? If that kind of behavior is not a problem for you then maybe you are insane because a sane person couldn't deal with the constant lies about everything, big or small.
Well, do what you want ultimately, but in answer to your question, this is not normal behavior at all and it's very concerning in fact. It's not just a minor thing, it's a huge, huge problem.
Can you honestly see yourself with a guy who lies so much and so often that even he can't tell the difference between his lies and the actual truth? If that kind of behavior is not a problem for you then maybe you are insane because a sane person couldn't deal with the constant lies about everything, big or small.
Well, do what you want ultimately, but in answer to your question, this is not normal behavior at all and it's very concerning in fact. It's not just a minor thing, it's a huge, huge problem.
Hmmmm. I think to ME it sounds like he uses the "I never said that" in situations where he's not being 100% honest with you, maybe when there is a discussion that he knows will involve you getting upset or mad about something?
Like the example you gave about the fast food place, I agree that it sounds like he was either lying, or minimizing the whole thing. I would find that suspect, and unless, like mentioned above, there is a clear cut reason for significant memory loss (ie, prior brain injury, drug/alcohol use), I definitely think it's a red flag. I would just proceed with both eyes wide open if I were you.
Something I heard on (I believe) Judge Judy..."you don't have to have a good memory when you tell the truth", and boy is that true. Someone who is lying, lying by omission or being dishonest in other ways always has to work ten times harder to keep all of the details straight in their mind.
Someone telling the truth about something doesn't have anything to keep straight, hence their stories will always be consistent. Sure, you can always allow for SOME variation, due to people not always paying close attention and such, but something like this that keeps emerging as an eyebrow raiser for you is probably something important to be proactive about. I wouldn't encourage you to necessarily overreact about it, but I think you're right to be concerned. Something sounds not right IMO.
Good luck to you.
Like the example you gave about the fast food place, I agree that it sounds like he was either lying, or minimizing the whole thing. I would find that suspect, and unless, like mentioned above, there is a clear cut reason for significant memory loss (ie, prior brain injury, drug/alcohol use), I definitely think it's a red flag. I would just proceed with both eyes wide open if I were you.
Something I heard on (I believe) Judge Judy..."you don't have to have a good memory when you tell the truth", and boy is that true. Someone who is lying, lying by omission or being dishonest in other ways always has to work ten times harder to keep all of the details straight in their mind.
Someone telling the truth about something doesn't have anything to keep straight, hence their stories will always be consistent. Sure, you can always allow for SOME variation, due to people not always paying close attention and such, but something like this that keeps emerging as an eyebrow raiser for you is probably something important to be proactive about. I wouldn't encourage you to necessarily overreact about it, but I think you're right to be concerned. Something sounds not right IMO.
Good luck to you.
Never called him (your bf) a "bad person" as I don't know him. I am simply responding based on the info YOU provided. He could be as sweet as pie, however, that doesn't have anything to do with compatibility. My post was in regards to what you should do, not on his character as you are having an issue with what he is doing to you. Words such as "insane," "crazy," "bothering me," etc. are pretty strong words to use if you think the situation is "petty." I would say don't worry about it if you consider the situation "petty."
A relationship or a person surely shouldn't be making you "feel insane."
"It almost makes me feel like he is lying to me,......"........Again, no one should feel this way in a relationship.
Being with someone who can't remember what he said........I would definitely consider that a "red flag."
If the situation was happening every blue moon, then I would say YOU are being petty about it, but if it is happening often (I think that is the case) then you need to decide if this something that you can deal with.
"Its making me feel a little insane..What should I do? Am I being way to crazy over this?"........Only two things you can do: A. Stay and deal with how he is while it is making you crazy B. Leave the relationship. Only YOU can determine if he and the relationship are worth it. You can't and won't change him.
Personally, I want and have a man who remembers what he says and sticks to what he says. To me that is a basic and should be a given when you are in a relationship.
All the best.
A relationship or a person surely shouldn't be making you "feel insane."
"It almost makes me feel like he is lying to me,......"........Again, no one should feel this way in a relationship.
Being with someone who can't remember what he said........I would definitely consider that a "red flag."
If the situation was happening every blue moon, then I would say YOU are being petty about it, but if it is happening often (I think that is the case) then you need to decide if this something that you can deal with.
"Its making me feel a little insane..What should I do? Am I being way to crazy over this?"........Only two things you can do: A. Stay and deal with how he is while it is making you crazy B. Leave the relationship. Only YOU can determine if he and the relationship are worth it. You can't and won't change him.
Personally, I want and have a man who remembers what he says and sticks to what he says. To me that is a basic and should be a given when you are in a relationship.
All the best.
Hi also, one of the most destructive things that take place in relationships is making a big deal out of something not really important in the big picture. I think the word used is "bickering".
The example You gave of the lunch place and the ex-GirlFriend sounds like an He lied to You (not simply 'forgot')
I would not call this is a "petty thing". I would call it a Red Flag. I see nothing wrong with Him continuing to eat lunch at the specific place He has always used with a co-worker even if the ex now works there. I would see that as innocent and okay EXCEPT to have Him lie about it later rings an alarm.
Be aware and BEWARE
GoodLuck
I would not call this is a "petty thing". I would call it a Red Flag. I see nothing wrong with Him continuing to eat lunch at the specific place He has always used with a co-worker even if the ex now works there. I would see that as innocent and okay EXCEPT to have Him lie about it later rings an alarm.
Be aware and BEWARE
GoodLuck
SM, I thought that too - that he was disagreeing with her "take" on the conversation and feels she has kind of twisted words.
But in reading Truthfullyyours example, he appears to have either a Traumatic Brain injury or some other serious short term memory impairment. I think it's also quite possible he's using drugs or drinking so heavily he's blacking out conversations.
For him to say a few days ago that he'd have to stop eating at a favorite hang out of his because his exgirlfriend works there, and then now to indicate he doesn't remember the conversation a few days later (and TruthfullyYours has independently confirmed the girlfriend DOES work there - something's wrong with him.
Some short term memory things aren't a big deal - forgetting where you put things, forgetting an item at the grocery store, or whether you locked your car or turned off the coffee maker.
This example you gave, TruthfullyYours, is a serious brain functioning impairment.
But in reading Truthfullyyours example, he appears to have either a Traumatic Brain injury or some other serious short term memory impairment. I think it's also quite possible he's using drugs or drinking so heavily he's blacking out conversations.
For him to say a few days ago that he'd have to stop eating at a favorite hang out of his because his exgirlfriend works there, and then now to indicate he doesn't remember the conversation a few days later (and TruthfullyYours has independently confirmed the girlfriend DOES work there - something's wrong with him.
Some short term memory things aren't a big deal - forgetting where you put things, forgetting an item at the grocery store, or whether you locked your car or turned off the coffee maker.
This example you gave, TruthfullyYours, is a serious brain functioning impairment.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think you hear of this happening in both men and women. Personally, I feel I is manipulative at times and honest at others. "I never said that" could be code for "that's not what I meant" and in fact, they may not know exactly what you are referring to if it was said a while ago and you misinterpreted their words for what they really meant.
OR, as I said, it is a form of manipulation which should not be tolerated. You aren't stupid and you know what you heard . . .
We all can change our tune from time to time but should acknowledge when that happens.
So, working on communication is really key as well as having high standards for any guy you are with and how they treat/respect you. then you can say "I'd never be with a man who did that" too!
But what you describe happening is like an old cliché . . . I've actually heard it more on the other end, men saying women do this.
good luck
OR, as I said, it is a form of manipulation which should not be tolerated. You aren't stupid and you know what you heard . . .
We all can change our tune from time to time but should acknowledge when that happens.
So, working on communication is really key as well as having high standards for any guy you are with and how they treat/respect you. then you can say "I'd never be with a man who did that" too!
But what you describe happening is like an old cliché . . . I've actually heard it more on the other end, men saying women do this.
good luck
What's wrong with this man. Maybe he's a pathological liar. I wonder if he does this with his other friends. Everyone's tolerance level is different. Fine if you can handle it. I wouldn't be able to hang around with this type of flaw.
Also later on I found out that she does indeed works there.
No not frequently.
Example;
We were talking a couple days ago, and he told me that he saw his ex at a fast food place, and he mentions to me, "Babe, guess I'll stop coming here so and so is working here now" he and a co-worker usually go out to eat at that specific place ALL the time.
We usually talk on his lunch break, and he says, " me and B are going to lunch here today" and I say, "I thought you weren't going to go there because your ex works there now." and he says "huh? who."
I don't see it as "alarming." just a little concerning, and annoying
Example;
We were talking a couple days ago, and he told me that he saw his ex at a fast food place, and he mentions to me, "Babe, guess I'll stop coming here so and so is working here now" he and a co-worker usually go out to eat at that specific place ALL the time.
We usually talk on his lunch break, and he says, " me and B are going to lunch here today" and I say, "I thought you weren't going to go there because your ex works there now." and he says "huh? who."
I don't see it as "alarming." just a little concerning, and annoying
My situation with Mick is far past me. I haven't spoken with Mick since April of 2013.. That bridge has already been burned. That post was intended for my relationship with church, and my boyfriend and I of current have resolved a lot of issues since I've last posted about him.
It is VERY irritating, I would think if the situation was had with anyone else they would be annoyed by it as well. I'm sure a lot of folks would be bothered by some-one saying something to them, than later when its brought back up they have no idea what you are talking about.
What a petty thing to end my relationship over. (Are you serious?)
Hes not a bad person. He's a wonderful guy with issues to work out as everyone has issues.
Anywho
I work nights, and I will soon attend school in this coming august.
It is VERY irritating, I would think if the situation was had with anyone else they would be annoyed by it as well. I'm sure a lot of folks would be bothered by some-one saying something to them, than later when its brought back up they have no idea what you are talking about.
What a petty thing to end my relationship over. (Are you serious?)
Hes not a bad person. He's a wonderful guy with issues to work out as everyone has issues.
Anywho
I work nights, and I will soon attend school in this coming august.
this has never happened with me either. I'm more than a little surprised at the issue in the first place but are You saying this happens frequently?
If so, I would find it alarming enough to leave this relationship for the same reasons Londres70 expressed
If so, I would find it alarming enough to leave this relationship for the same reasons Londres70 expressed
"Do any women had this issue?".............NO, I don't. If I did, I wouldn't have it for long as he wouldn't be around too long.
"Am I being way to crazy over this?".......I wouldn't use the word "crazy," but I am not sure why you are dealing with a guy who does this.
We date for a reason. If it is irritating you that much why not end this as you aren't obligated to stay with a bf. If you can't trust what he says how can you expect to have any kind of relationship with him?
TruthfullyYours......after reading your posts I think you should probably give dating and relationships a rest for a while. You are just getting through all that drama with "Mick" and now you are getting into more drama with this guy who you state can't seem to tell the truth and you don't really trust what he says.
Do you work or attend school? Have hobbies or other activities? I would recommend you find something more constructive to do with your time and stay away from the drama.
"Am I being way to crazy over this?".......I wouldn't use the word "crazy," but I am not sure why you are dealing with a guy who does this.
We date for a reason. If it is irritating you that much why not end this as you aren't obligated to stay with a bf. If you can't trust what he says how can you expect to have any kind of relationship with him?
TruthfullyYours......after reading your posts I think you should probably give dating and relationships a rest for a while. You are just getting through all that drama with "Mick" and now you are getting into more drama with this guy who you state can't seem to tell the truth and you don't really trust what he says.
Do you work or attend school? Have hobbies or other activities? I would recommend you find something more constructive to do with your time and stay away from the drama.
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