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I'm in love with my uncle!?
Well I'm 17 years old and my mum recently told me she couldn't look after me due to both of our mental health and I moved in with my dad and his brother (my uncle). Since living here I have had a dream that me and my uncle had sex. We are very close and always laugh and joke together and he says I make him happy and he would die for me. My uncle is married with 4 kids but him and his wife don't live together, anyways I have fallen in love madly with him since the dream and have fantasized about him and having sex with him, should I tell him? He likes joking around and is hilarious
I agree with the others that you could cause several disasters if you told your uncle how you feel.
Legally he could be in very hot water if he took advantage of your feelings and started a physical thing with you, and morally it would be a sack of ____ for him to do it when you (the other person) are less mature and more in need. He would be taking advantage in every way.
My guess is that you haven't had good, steady male role models in your life, and so here comes a guy who is decent and pleasant and fun, and you have fallen for him despite the fact that there is an incest taboo (for good biological reasons) not to see him in a sexual light.
If you are emotionally rejecting the advice that everyone has given you, it might be just because your needs are so strong (as in, "needy," not desirably strong) that you are being blind to the common sense in what they are saying. To remind:
He could get arrested if you made a move and he reciprocated.
You could lose your housing if it's his house and he's appalled at how you feel, or just knows what he would risk if he took advantage of you.
It would shock your father and undoubtedly cause estrangement between him and his brother.
If you did get something going, you would be helping to leave your cousins out in the cold if he gets distracted from his family duties.
Any future life together that you would have in some world where people don't pay attention to the taboo against incest would be colored by his first duty to his children.
Your mother would blame your father.
You would be with someone who is not as attuned to your maturity level and interests as is ideal in a relationship.
There is the strong possibility he just sees you as a kid who needs nurturing, not a girlfriend, and you will have to live the mortification of having him tell you this.
Please talk this over with a counselor, and try to get some advice about the difference between a crush and love.
Legally he could be in very hot water if he took advantage of your feelings and started a physical thing with you, and morally it would be a sack of ____ for him to do it when you (the other person) are less mature and more in need. He would be taking advantage in every way.
My guess is that you haven't had good, steady male role models in your life, and so here comes a guy who is decent and pleasant and fun, and you have fallen for him despite the fact that there is an incest taboo (for good biological reasons) not to see him in a sexual light.
If you are emotionally rejecting the advice that everyone has given you, it might be just because your needs are so strong (as in, "needy," not desirably strong) that you are being blind to the common sense in what they are saying. To remind:
He could get arrested if you made a move and he reciprocated.
You could lose your housing if it's his house and he's appalled at how you feel, or just knows what he would risk if he took advantage of you.
It would shock your father and undoubtedly cause estrangement between him and his brother.
If you did get something going, you would be helping to leave your cousins out in the cold if he gets distracted from his family duties.
Any future life together that you would have in some world where people don't pay attention to the taboo against incest would be colored by his first duty to his children.
Your mother would blame your father.
You would be with someone who is not as attuned to your maturity level and interests as is ideal in a relationship.
There is the strong possibility he just sees you as a kid who needs nurturing, not a girlfriend, and you will have to live the mortification of having him tell you this.
Please talk this over with a counselor, and try to get some advice about the difference between a crush and love.
Also, you mentioned that you were having mental health issues and i don't know if you've talked with a psychologist or not about these issues. Whether it's something that can be helped with talking about your problems, or whether you need both a psychologist and psychiatrist. but please get the help you need, if not already. You deserve to be supported that way.
In my opinion, you need to not act on your feelings. At your age, there will be many men that you meet that you will fantasize about. because it's easy to fantasize and your hormones right now are supercharged. This situation could just as easily be with a boss, a married man or separated older man, twice your age. with four kids. This scenario would be just as disastrous You would get to a point of wanting a family and you'd be dealing with someone whose first priority would be his first family. Most if not all of his attention and finances (rightly so) would be directed to them and not you.
You need to date men that are closer to your age that you have things in common with and hopefully this will be in a post secondary education setting such as college, technical school or university. You need to focus on finding a partner who is also starting out in life, and a relationship where you can grow together in the same head space.
If I were you, I would take this as a indication that you need to focus your attentions in another area, and I suggest that would be in the direction of educating yourself for a career that you will enjoy.
I agree with everything the other ladies have said. Be very careful not to waste your time or his, by allowing this fantasy to take away from what your best life path could be.
My son is 28 and is madly in love and living with a girl that is only 4 year older, but even those 4 years are creating a issue for them, (that they are handling well because they are both strong independent progressive career and family oriented people). The girl is older, more established and wants to start a family now, while my son is just finishing his second degree, so she will have to wait to have a chld until my son is established in his career. Until that happens, his girl has become a first time home owner, and is setting herself up for lifelong financial security. Soon, my son will buy her a bigger house, so that they can have a few kids. It is a symbiotic relationship. This is a typical situation with young people that are just a few years apart. They chose each other because they both enjoy a healthy lifestyle, they are very active ie, hiking, skating , swimming, snorkeling, so their physical health as a priority brought them together which is of paramount importance, if you want a long loving marriage. Take the time, and make a list of the ideals you would like in a partner before you do anything. Do you want to travel? You have to find someone who also wants to prioritize that in their lives.
The problems that would affect you directly, and your kids, and your family should you Jump the first time you've felt enamoured with a man , could ruin your life, and his.
All feelings are not meant to be acted on. You must be pragmatic in this world and make choices that will have the best effect for your whole life experience.
You need to date men that are closer to your age that you have things in common with and hopefully this will be in a post secondary education setting such as college, technical school or university. You need to focus on finding a partner who is also starting out in life, and a relationship where you can grow together in the same head space.
If I were you, I would take this as a indication that you need to focus your attentions in another area, and I suggest that would be in the direction of educating yourself for a career that you will enjoy.
I agree with everything the other ladies have said. Be very careful not to waste your time or his, by allowing this fantasy to take away from what your best life path could be.
My son is 28 and is madly in love and living with a girl that is only 4 year older, but even those 4 years are creating a issue for them, (that they are handling well because they are both strong independent progressive career and family oriented people). The girl is older, more established and wants to start a family now, while my son is just finishing his second degree, so she will have to wait to have a chld until my son is established in his career. Until that happens, his girl has become a first time home owner, and is setting herself up for lifelong financial security. Soon, my son will buy her a bigger house, so that they can have a few kids. It is a symbiotic relationship. This is a typical situation with young people that are just a few years apart. They chose each other because they both enjoy a healthy lifestyle, they are very active ie, hiking, skating , swimming, snorkeling, so their physical health as a priority brought them together which is of paramount importance, if you want a long loving marriage. Take the time, and make a list of the ideals you would like in a partner before you do anything. Do you want to travel? You have to find someone who also wants to prioritize that in their lives.
The problems that would affect you directly, and your kids, and your family should you Jump the first time you've felt enamoured with a man , could ruin your life, and his.
All feelings are not meant to be acted on. You must be pragmatic in this world and make choices that will have the best effect for your whole life experience.
I don't know who owns the house you're living in, and who has the power to ask people to leave, or what state you live in under what laws.
If you are living in a home owned (or rented) by your uncle, but if you tell him you're in love with him and are having sexual fantasies of him, it would be in his best interest to ask you to leave. He doesn't want this to all sour and be accused of an indecent relationship with a teenage girl.
It's a real skill to not express your feelings and thoughts. Enjoy living there, but keep your feelings to yourself. Anything else could make you end up homeless, or could get your beloved uncle charged with statutory rape.
If you are living in a home owned (or rented) by your uncle, but if you tell him you're in love with him and are having sexual fantasies of him, it would be in his best interest to ask you to leave. He doesn't want this to all sour and be accused of an indecent relationship with a teenage girl.
It's a real skill to not express your feelings and thoughts. Enjoy living there, but keep your feelings to yourself. Anything else could make you end up homeless, or could get your beloved uncle charged with statutory rape.
COMMUNITY LEADER
No don't tell him. What types of mental health problems do you have? You'll ruin your family and his life if anything were to happen. Focus on a teenage life and not living in a dream that has a bad ending should it come true. good luck
Hi,
This is a bad idea for several reasons; in my opinion, you should probably keep this fantasy to yourself and not share this with your uncle. First, in many countries sexual relationships between family members are viewed as incestuous and considered illegal. Second, if you were to share your feelings with your uncle there's a very good chance that he may not feel the same as you, thus causing a huge strain on your relationship. He may possibly want to keep his distance from you, if you were to say anything about this. Also, if anything ever took place between the two of you sexually, it could put many healthy relationships between you and other family members in jeopardy. This could cost both of you valuable connections with family members and friends. You should consider how your parents, his wife, his children (your cousins), and others might be affected by your actions. When you think about it, the risks involved far outweigh any benefits. It's okay to fantasize, daydream, and even have minor crushes on people, but sometimes it's best not to act upon them. Good Luck
This is a bad idea for several reasons; in my opinion, you should probably keep this fantasy to yourself and not share this with your uncle. First, in many countries sexual relationships between family members are viewed as incestuous and considered illegal. Second, if you were to share your feelings with your uncle there's a very good chance that he may not feel the same as you, thus causing a huge strain on your relationship. He may possibly want to keep his distance from you, if you were to say anything about this. Also, if anything ever took place between the two of you sexually, it could put many healthy relationships between you and other family members in jeopardy. This could cost both of you valuable connections with family members and friends. You should consider how your parents, his wife, his children (your cousins), and others might be affected by your actions. When you think about it, the risks involved far outweigh any benefits. It's okay to fantasize, daydream, and even have minor crushes on people, but sometimes it's best not to act upon them. Good Luck
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