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Avatar universal

Is he a user and being in a bromance shall I distance myself from him??

My trainer in the gym became so close to me that he became my best friend. One time he asked 2 thousand dollars from me and promise to pay it every month in installment basis. It is one year now and he didnt even pay it. He borrowed money again 1000 dollars, i hesitated to lend him but when he promised to pay it after a week ( which he actually did), i agreed. During this year, he asked me twice to pay all his stuffs ordered in Amazon as he has no credit card amounting to over 1000 dollars.And when we go out, he buys stuffs which he also asked me to pay but he never told me if this are loan or not. He never paid all up to now! He got married and I was not able to go to his wedding and wasnt able to give him gifts.But i bought him a 55 dollars silver wedding ring and he asked me to pay for a cheap simple casual dress and perfume that he bought for his bride.Now in my mind I am accusing him of being a user but if I  distance myself to him would he also accuse me of being a user? In the gym i have a one year membershio but for special private training we have to pay 150 dollars to the trainers. I never do private training  but i always asked him the exercises daily and always asked for guide like what food to eat etc. He is also a kickboxer coach but I never enrolled to his class. But one time I asked him if he can teach me, and he said yes.So this is my first question, Is he a user?
Secondly, since he is so nice to me, i kinda fell in love with him aka "bromance". Everyday i think of him and i confessed to him many times how much  I love him. He accepted me, and we even have greater bromance like cuddling in bed, kissing, massaging, we almost do everything except sex of course! But we kiss in the lips several times but without the toungue. Now he is far away to get married, he never text me because he said they have no wifi. But i can see in wwhatsapp  and FB that sometimes he is online. I dont want to call him nor to message him but actually i am dying to see him and hug him. He is coming after a month and I am not sure if I have to distance myself from him when he arrives. He promised me that he will love me forever! I have a wife and kids but my love for him is so overflowing! I am confused! My wife knows about the money that he borrowed but never know that I pay for the amazon and other stuffs.
5 Responses
Avatar universal
I would restrict the conversation to telling him to repay you for now. If he won't repay you, he is not a friend and a relationship is not realistic.
20691887 tn?1504695593
3060903 tn?1398568723
Stop buying things for anyone outside of your family and kids. Real friends do not ask for money for friendship. Friendship includes him showing you how to kick box, or exercise, just as you would show him how to do stuff that if you were not friends, he would otherwise have to pay for. . If he was a friend, he would give that to you and not expect payment in return. He's using you. Do ask for your money back. I hope you make a new friend or two, so you've got friends to hang with at the gym etc. Happy New Year.
ps If i was your wife, i would consider your "bromancing" cheating. and if i found out about it, might seriously consider moving on and leaving you.
20691887 tn?1504695593
I just reread your post.  You are having an emotional affair with this man.  Are you bisexual?  This sounds like more than a "bromance".  You both are married and need to respect that.  It's doesn't really sound like this guy is so invested into this relationship as you as he seems to be dealing with you when he wants.  I wouldn't be surprised when you meet up again he will be asking for this and that from you.  He is using you for things and money and you are using him to fulfill an emotional void.  I say think more about your marriage and children and do not pursue this unhealthy relationship.  
495284 tn?1333897642
This guy is a PLAYER.  I really hope you will finally see it before you lose everything.  You are lusting after something that will never come to be.  Have you thought about getting into some sort of counseling/therapy?  When we start messing around with someone else our self respect is gone and we feel this is one way to make it right in our head.  Get some help before you lose your wife and kids~
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