I'm a girl and I suffer from depression! And then it went to randomly being paranoid if I'm a lesbian. I'm in a relationship and so in love, and I find it hard to deal with these thoughts. I tried tablets, it made me worse. And the waiting list is months. I just want to feel normal! I don't want to lose my man xxx
Sorry, three posters. One was posting when I was writing. :)
I agree with the posters above that it seems like anxiety is the problem, not your sexual orientation. I don't know anything about HOCD, but if the two posters above suggest it, you can bank on their suggestions, as their answers (unlike many who post in chat rooms) are invariably both sensible and informed. In fact, I was going to say you're lucky your post caught their eye, as I would take their advice (along with about three others) over almost anyone on the site.
As RockRose says, there are sometimes posters on this site who go on and on (and on and on) about a sexual encounter they had (usually with a sex worker) and now they are terrified they have AIDS. They have usually had tons of tests and enough time has elapsed for proper results and all, meaning, they don't have AIDS. And people reassure them, and they act reassured, and then a month later, there the guy is posting again about the same encounter and his fears that he has AIDS. When someone posts like this, it sounds like what is happening is that his anxiety about the act, or guilt about sex with a sex worker, or his general anxieties have basically gotten the better of him, and this has obsessively focused itself in his mind on AIDS; it certainly does not mean he has AIDS and it sometimes even almost seems like he is relieved to have the AIDS to brood about so he won't have to be distressed or stressed by other more general things in life. You might be in this same boat except that the topic you've focused on is gayness rather than AIDS (or bridges, or drowning, or other things people can get a little phobic about). Phobias and obsessions are treatable, especially when you are younger and have not had years for them to carve neural pathways in your brain so they are constantly triggered by random thoughts. But you do need to find a good therapist who specializes in treating anxieties. And take it from me, a former phobia sufferer (mine was fast driving on freeways), do it sooner rather than later. Quality of life is worth pearls and gold, and it improves greatly when you can get general anxiety to go away.
One thing in your post that I wanted to comment on quickly is that just because the stereotype of young men and sex is that every young man wants it all the time and acts like a horn-dog every chance he gets, this does not mean every young man wants it all the time and acts like a horn-dog every chance he gets. Some people really are more refined than that, are not prisoners of their hormones, and are not cads about their sexual partners. They do like and want romance and do prefer quality relationships. Don't mistake being this kind of guy for not being interested. You would be right in the norm in any other era. It's only in today's more hedonistic era of sexual license that guys get away with behaving like this, and frankly society is not improved by this kind of license. Don't use this as part of your "proofs" when brooding about your sexual orientation, you might be more normal than you think even today. It is emotionally rational, not problematic, to be uninspired by soulless coupling. Sex really is not much fun if there is no heart in it.
Now, about your girlfriend -- presumably you haven't dumped the entire contents of your subliminal-worries box onto her, and although I am for transparency in relationships, I don't recommend you provide her the entire unedited version. Right now, you might simply look to her like a nice guy but perhaps a bit anxious at times. You can tell her that you're dealing with some obsessive thinking or anxieties, but reassure her that you love her and she is not part of the problem, and that will be enough for now.
Anyway, do get some counseling. As I can attest from experience, ease from anxiety makes all the difference in life. It is not like your life changes or the situations you face change, but just that the emotion rockets are not misfiring constantly and driving you crazy.
Yep...I agree also, sounds like HOCD. Gay people pretty much ALWAYS know their gay...it doesn't just pop into their head randomly one night.
You state you already have a history of anxiety, so that makes perfect sense. You need to make an appt with a psychiatrist, who can thoroughly assess you, and tell you what's going on. He will then discuss treatment options which may include meds and/or therapy. Therapy will be vital, to help you learn how to disregard those kinds of thoughts.
While you haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD, I think you should visit our OCD community here. Not only will you get some valuable insight and info, but if you browse the forum, you'll see how many other people suffer with the same exact thing.
Best of luck.
This sounds like HOCD and I would recommend getting professional help. Counseling would provide you with the insight and the proper tools in regards to coping/dealing with this.
I think you have HOCD, although I had to google that to figure out what you are talking about. I was about to post I think you have an obsession similar to people who insist they have HIV, or some other kind of STD, or any other unwelcome untrue obtrusive thought.
It would seem you treat that the way you treat any kind of OCD - sometimes with anxiety reducing drugs, but with an accompanying therapy where you retrain your mind away from those unwelcome thoughts.
Best wishes.