Is it time to leave

[tanker136]

When is it time to finally end a relationship?  I met a woman 6 years ago after my wife left me.  I saw red flags early but thought she would make my life right again.  I would have to say she was testy on our second date and we fought about once a week ever since.  I tried to end it numerous times, but I always felt guilty and if she called we ended up together again.  The basic problem is that she sees sinister motives in everything.  She doesn’t like any of my friends and throws a fit if I go out to lunch with someone.  I don’t go out very often but I have a few close male friends that I might meet for lunch every few weeks.  She has accused me of being bisexual or homosexual.  She is very wary of my children and accuses them of hating her, even if nothing is said or done to her.  It’s like she has two personalities.  She can be very sweet and then she will hear me say something about a friend or one of the kids and she will accuse me of being mean and hateful, screaming at me, seeming like she’s trying to goat me into a fight.  That scares me there has never been any physical violence between us but when someone is screaming at you and accusing you of whatever comes to mind, it gets difficult to take it.  The latest incident started last week when she threw a fit about me going to lunch with my friend that I’ve known for 12 years, that caused her to scream at me again and when that settled down a week later my daughter was in a pissy mood and she then accused me of defending my daughter for being an *** and being mean and hateful.  The only problem with that is my daughter never said or had any interaction with my girlfriend.  This has been going on now for 5 years about every two weeks were in a fight or getting over one and I’m worn out.  I guess I know she just tells me how screwed up I am and makes up things in her head that just never happens, she just thinks everyone is thinking all of these mean hateful things.  Am I a fool for hanging on to this thing

[Webbers]

It sounds like you gave it your best shot but this just isn't meant to be. This relationship is causing you far too much stress and it's not worth it anymore. You should think about how all of this stress is affecting every facet of your life and how much better you will feel overall if you remove this element from your life. You're also not a child, you're a grown man and you don't need someone policing your every move.

[tynkrbel]

These are YOUR quotes.
  
"I saw red flags early but"
"She was testy on Our 2nd date"
"We have fought about once a week ever since."
"I tried to end it numerous times, but I always felt guity"
"She sees sinister motives in everything"
"She doesn't like any of my friends"
"She throws a fit if I go to lunch with someone else"
"She has accused me of being homosexual or bi sexual"
"She is very wary of my Children"
"It's like She has two personalities"
"This scares me"
"It will always be awkward around my kids"
"I will never have the freedom to just exist because she examines  
              everything I do"   "and attributes some perverse motive to them"
"She accuses me of being mean and hateful"
"She screams at me"
"She tries to goat me into a fight"
"For 5 YEARS we're in a fight every 2 WEEKS"
"She tells me how screwed up I am"
"She makes things up in her head that never happens"
"the Jeckle and Hyde act I can't live with"

She's young and pretty"
"I'm attracted to her physically"
"I feel sorry for her and I worry about her" (I don't think this is a plus)
"I feel important"

There's Good and Bad in every relationship but the Bad seems to outweigh the Good here
and it's IMPERITIVE that She like Your Children and that THEY LIKE HER!!

Perhaps You should heed Your Red Flags?

Good luck in Your Choice

[RockRose]

tanker,  you have the rare gift of being able to very honestly look at yourself,  and your decisions,  and write out clear reasons why you are staying.

So I guess now you can look at those reasons and decide if that's enough to keep you there.

Best wishes.

[tanker136]

The reason I stayed so long:
1. Since my wife left me, I somehow felt like giving up on this relationship validated my wife’s reasons for leaving.  I know that’s a little like cutting off your nose to spite your face, but it was a reason.  
2. My girlfriend is younger and pretty so my ego got a boost having her.
3. She was actually a lot of fun when she wasn’t in one of her moods.
4. I am very attracted to her physically
5. I feel sorry for her and worry about her because she was abandoned as a child and sometimes I feel like I’m abandoning her.
6. I felt important because I was able to give her a lifestyle she never had.  
I definitely remember the good time and how sweet she is but the Jeckle and Hyde act I can’t live with I know it will always be awkward around my kids and I’ll never have the freedom to just exist because she always examines everything I do and attributes some perverse motive to them.  I don’t think I would even mind that if she ever said she was sorry.  So that’s why I stayed.

[Kayannaboo]

Sounds like a very toxic situation if you ask me. Your girlfriend has issues that may need to be taken to a psychologist, she sounds mighty aggressive and insecure. I agree with specialmom, red flags are RED for a reason, they mean NO! STOP!

Also, perhaps you need to take some time apart from relationships overall and just think, get some space.


Anna

[RockRose]

I have to ask,  what has kept you there?  I'm so often puzzled by relationships that seem absolutely miserable,  and yet those who are miserable just hang on and hang on in the misery with no real reason (kids) to stay.

And then other people,  the slightest ill wind blows their way and they break up while trying to raise a family.

What has made you stay in this very difficult,  unfulfilling relationship?

[RockRose]

I totally agree with SM that the time to leave was after the second date.

[myown2]

Yes I agree - move on... "Worn out," thats not good- you don't want to wind up getting sick from constant stress..