Just want some opinions-plz help

[elefrog42]

My fiance and i have been together for 6 years, engaged 1 with the wedding this July.  I met him at a bad time in my life when I was coming out of a series of bad relatiionships and getting clean from drugs.   Everything just happened really quick, and we ended up moving in together.
My problem is this: he treats me like a princess, we are the best of friends and have a great time together, he is brilliant, funny, wealthy, and my parents love him.  I just am not that sexually attracted to him.  When we first met the sex was great, but I was also a heavy drinker.  I love him so much that it just drives me crazy I don't feel as sexually attracted to him.   I have gone back to drugs several times bc of this.
I am in therapy right now, but it doesn't seem to be helping.  Just for background, I do have  a lot of drug addiction issues (currently clean 2 months from all but prescribed medication), and I was just diagnosed as hyperthyroid (I awaiting surgery so I'm on klonipin for sleep and adderall XR because I'm all over the place.)
what should I do?  I think i'm losing my mind.  .

[coolas]

Wow, this is a tricky one.  On the one hand, I would say that after six years, the sex isn't going to be as exciting as it was in the beginning - it never is.  That said, is the sex satisfying?  It sounds like you have a lot that is good about your relationship -- have you discussed your concerns with your boyfriend; I know it's a touchy subject, but you are right to think about this now, rather than after the wedding.  It's great that your parents love him, but if you are not sufficiently attracted to him, then it is really irrelevant.  On the other hand, maybe this is something you can work on together?  

On the other hand, if you are only 27, that means you have spent most of your adult life in this relationship and while he might be great and you might love him, that still might not make him right for you as a life partner.  It sounds like you love him (like a brother) but are not 'in love' with him.  Unfortunately, marriage will only make this more pronounced.  Instead of thinking about yourself - think about how your boyfriend would feel being married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with him - very unfair.  He might look great on paper, but that doesn't make him right for you.

A-

[specialmom]

Agree with the ladies here.  Sex is only one component of a relationship.  Some women could trade off a steller sex life for a satisfying one if there were enough wonderful qualities in the guy to make up for it.  Not everyone would want to do that----  but it is up to a the people involved.  However, you question it.  You blame your sobriety on it.  It IS a big issue for you.  It would only be fair to him to move on and release him to find someone who will love him completely.  

I would be very careful with your sobriety.  You are taking two medications known to cause issues with thos in your position.  Especially adderall-----  be VERY careful you don't slip back.  Controlled substances probably aren't the best choice for you with only 2 months out from drug use.  But a doctor prescribed them . . .  Anyway, be careful with that.  No judgement----  I assure you.   But there are traps with addictive personalities-----  and I'd hate for you to fall into this one.

So, I think I'd evaluate if you can handle being on your own and make sure this man hasn't just been your crutch.  Best of luck!

[Judy246]

Hi, I'm going to break down your post, so that you can see it through the eyes of another person:

* Your engaged to be married
* YOU consider a problem that he treats your like princess and his funny, fun, ect?
  get it? How could this be a problem...he sounds like someone every woman would
  want? (Red Flag)
* YOU are not sexually attracted to him (BIG RED FLAG!)...warning that relationship
   will not workout if you are incompatible in the bedroom!
* You admit being in love with him?
* You have gone back to drinking and drugs because you are not sexually attracted
   to him (This is an excuse for you to go back to bad behavior!,...sorry to be so blunt
   BUT he is not the problem.....you are).

I think you should call the engagement and relationship off, until you get yourself and your life on track. Right now, you are confused, emotionally unstable and not ready for an exclusive committed relationship. Once you get yourself, back on track, if you are willing to attempt to make it work, then try, but if you are not sexually compatible, you are just going to be miserable and will seek relief in a distructive way, so go get yourself in a better place and emotionally healed and then life will fall into place...one day at a time. Good luck, Judy

[jo929]

If you have any doubts wait and just sit back and think it all over and tell your boyfriend that you need time it is time to think it over now and be sure because you may end up married and wish that you had waited and since you have posted you must have some doubts so just wait until you are sure if he loves you he will understand, but stay off drugs  luck  jo