Aa
Lost!
So I'm sure most of you who will read this have followed my posts... and I know there will be some interesting comments on this but I need some input! I have a really good friend that I have known for 5 years and have had feelings for, for that long. He was my first pretty much everything and we have always been close. He left 2 1/2 years ago for Iraq with the army and I finally got to see him for the first time since this last week. Well no surpise but the feelings are still there... the attraction is still there and if anything else the feelings have grown. My heart was racing and my stomach had butterflies the second I saw him again... My faince and I have been having issues on and off for a year and the last 2 weeks have been hell! Things already weren't going so well when my friend got here. Well there is a group of friends that have been friends since high school and we get together a lot (im the only girl in the group). Well this friend from Iraq is part of it and my fiance and I are both part of this group both individualy and together so it's complicated. Well while my friend was here things happened and I couldn't stop the attraction and my fiance and I were yelling at eachother and i was just not happy! My friend and I started out just making out... then we ended up having sex. The horrible thing is I feel so bad about doing it but I know that if it were to happen again I would allow it! The next night my friend and I talked a lot and he kept kissing me and I never stopped any of it. I love my fiance so much and that is why I can't tell him and that is why I can't seem to leave him. I have tried but then he brings up the baby and brings up everythign we have been through and I can't get myself to walk away. I live with him, have 2 dogs with him... how can i just leave all of that and not worry about it? He means so much to me but I am not happy more often than I am! I have talked everything over with my friend and he actually just went back to where he is based a few days ago. He wants to be with me but right now we can't be because our friends will get upset and feel bad for my fiance. We could wait a few months and then date and everything would be okay. I can't just up and leave him, he did nothing wrong! My feelings and emotions are all over the place and I have no idea what to think!
Actually I am the one who is more the financial support! I make plenty of money at work and my parents pay for school so that isn't at all a problem.
Is your fiance your financial support? Is that 1 reason why you are afraid to make the break, b/c you dont really have a place to go or a way to support yourself?
Maybe someone has already touched on this.
I was just thinking out loud....
Maybe someone has already touched on this.
I was just thinking out loud....
You would really rather be unhappy the rest of your life than break his heart? You are only 19, you could have another 80 years of unhappiness. I don't think you really want that. Cut your losses and move on!!
Im going to get tested today in about an hour. I will get the results in about 7 days.
Mayflowers is right. You are extremely immature, K. Seriously. You shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone right now. You should focus on school and take a break from guys for a while.
I think that last night the potential reality hit you and you imagined yourself pregnant, alone, pining for your friend in Iraq (when he actually was just lonely and wanted to get some on leave), and seeing your fiance around town with a really nice girl who is nuts about him and who his family loves. If you were mature and were really thinking about your fiance, you would do what is best for him and breaking it off with him is what is best for him. Whether the two of you want to face that at or not.
Sam may not handle you with kid gloves, but he's hit the nail on the head with you several times in the past. You really do have some growing up to do.
And no matter what you do, GET TESTED! That's ironic that you are talking about "trust" with regard to a guy who would have sex with a friend's fiance. Interesting.
Get tested. If for no one else, do it for your fiance.
I think that last night the potential reality hit you and you imagined yourself pregnant, alone, pining for your friend in Iraq (when he actually was just lonely and wanted to get some on leave), and seeing your fiance around town with a really nice girl who is nuts about him and who his family loves. If you were mature and were really thinking about your fiance, you would do what is best for him and breaking it off with him is what is best for him. Whether the two of you want to face that at or not.
Sam may not handle you with kid gloves, but he's hit the nail on the head with you several times in the past. You really do have some growing up to do.
And no matter what you do, GET TESTED! That's ironic that you are talking about "trust" with regard to a guy who would have sex with a friend's fiance. Interesting.
Get tested. If for no one else, do it for your fiance.
Mami~ I know. I just have no idea what to think.
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