Lost!

[K1990]

So I'm sure most of you who will read this have followed my posts... and I know there will be some interesting comments on this but I need some input!  I have a really good friend that I have known for 5 years and have had feelings for, for that long.  He was my first pretty much everything and we have always been close.  He left 2 1/2 years ago for Iraq with the army and I finally got to see him for the first time since this last week.  Well no surpise but the feelings are still there... the attraction is still there and if anything else the feelings have grown.  My heart was racing and my stomach had butterflies the second I saw him again...  My faince and I have been having issues on and off for a year and the last 2 weeks have been hell!  Things already weren't going so well when my friend got here.  Well there is a group of friends that have been friends since high school and we get together a lot (im the only girl in the group).  Well this friend from Iraq is part of it and my fiance and I are both part of this group both individualy and together so it's complicated.  Well while my friend was here things happened and I couldn't stop the attraction and my fiance and I were yelling at eachother and i was just not happy!  My friend and I started out just making out... then we ended up having sex.  The horrible thing is I feel so bad about doing it but I know that if it were to happen again I would allow it!  The next night my friend and I talked a lot and he kept kissing me and I never stopped any of it.  I love my fiance so much and that is why I can't tell him and that is why I can't seem to leave him.  I have tried but then he brings up the baby and brings up everythign we have been through and I can't get myself to walk away.  I live with him, have 2 dogs with him... how can i just leave all of that and not worry about it?  He means so much to me but I am not happy more often than I am!  I have talked everything over with my friend and he actually just went back to where he is based a few days ago.  He wants to be with me but right now we can't be because our friends will get upset and feel bad for my fiance.  We could wait a few months and then date and everything would be okay.  I can't just up and leave him, he did nothing wrong!  My feelings and emotions are all over the place and I have no idea what to think!

[AHP84]

Okay, but keep in mind also that men can be carriers and not show symptoms of having anything or be affected by certain things, but you still could end up getting something.
Just a thought.

[mami1323]

K - you are flip flopping so much in your posts.  I can understand why since your emotions are all over the place but it sounds like now you are trying to convince yourself that you love your fiance and the guy that you cheated on him with is nothing more than a friend.  You said in numerous posts that this other guy is the one you would be with if he hadn't left, you said that your feelings for him have never gone away, you said that you love your fiance but not the same way you love this other guy.  You are confused and it's obvious this guy is not just a friend or you wouldn't of cheated on your fiance with him.  You're not saying this won't be anything more than what it was, you are saying you don't think it will end up as more.  That's not the same thing.  You may love your fiance because of history and all you have been through together, and definitely part of comfortability but there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.  To me, you will never have a happy life if the person you are with is second or is someone you are settling for.  Break-ups are never easy and they are painful but sometimes that's what we have to do in order to truly find happiness in life.  Let your fiance be truly happy with a woman who will never do what you did to him.  You are only hurting him in the long run if you stay with him.  You are also hurting yourself by trying to convince yourself that he is the one for you when clearly he is not.  

[K1990]

AJH84~ I had asked him if there was any reason I should be worried about having an STD and he said no.  And yes I trust him!

[AHP84]

I still recommend you get checked for STDs. You don't know who the "friend" has been with before he was with you.

[K1990]

I thought all last night... I still love my fiance and maybe not in the same way I used to but I do.  The friend I had sex with doesn't mean anything more than a friend and I really don't think will ever end up as more than that.  I still love my fiance and regret what I did!  I feel so bad!

[Agiesmom]

I agree with Mami, babypooh, teko and others who said to move on.

If you had unprotected sex, he needs to know.  He needs to be checked.

Regarding hurting him by telling him what you did...if you are leaving him, it could help him to move on.  If he's idealizing what you had, have, and could have, he won't let go.  If he knows what you did, he can be real with himself.

And you say that this isn't you, but it is.  You did it.  You even said you'd do it again if given the chance.  And maybe you subconsciously (or consciously--only you know that for certain) fought with your fiance, gave him the cold shoulder, and took the ring off in order to justify it?  And maybe you're imagining what you will write in the letter to your friend if you do end up pregnant?

If you really do love your fiance like you say you do, you'll let the decency in you shine through and you'll let him go so he can find someone who loves him the way he deserves to be loved.